Random blurbs from a frazzled mind....

An entire year?

2011-07-27T00:26:00.003-05:00

It's been an entire year that I haven't blogged. I saw it on my Google page and kinda "Meh, I don't feel like it right now" and moved on to Facebook. I could do alot of catching everyone up and boring the shit out of them but I'd bore myself in the process of typing it. Long story short, the oldest step daughter got pissed at us and moved out of our rental and we've not been allowed to see Q since May (I also suspect that it has something to do with the 3 months rent she owes us, an electric bill she owes us and now a month of car insurance but eh who knows), my son moved with her so he could party with her and her worthless ass boy toy, youngest step daughter got married and had a daughter (oh my, what fun this will be...can you say K.A.R.M.A? bwahahahaha), middle daughter pissed everyone has abandoned her and left her at home with the 8 yr old, and the 8 yr old missing her older siblings and just slightly jealous of the grandbabies. Oh I forgot to throw in there that my darling son now has a daughter as well and her and her Mom stay with us when they need something (roughly every 12 days and strangely it's around my payday...go figure huh?). Oh and that my brother tried to ...ok pretty welll...oh hell might as well give credit where it's due...he destroyed my Mom's house while she was gone so now she's living next door to me in our rental. Hmmmm I think that pretty well fills in all the blanks. If you have any questions feel free to ask in comments and I'll answer if I can. I guess I could have really shortened it up and just said that they are still all driving me batshit crazy huh? You'd have missed the scope of it though with that simple statement though.

I'm still doing the night shift at the PD as well. I'm about tired of it to be honest. If it wasn't for the insurance I'd be outta here. The pay used to be good...now not so much. I miss actually seeing people and interacting with people that aren't weirdo's, freaks, idiots, or pains in societies collective ass. Shoot for as slow as it's been for the last few months I almost miss that even...pretty sad huh? Hopefully when things are on a little more of an even keel I'll go back to school. I was going to go to nursing school this year but the timing just wasn't right for that. Hopefully next fall though, we'll see, if it's meant to be, it will be.

It seems crazy to me that while it seems like nothing has changed, it's all totally different. That's what's great about blogging. It serves as a journal of where we came from, where we've been and where we're going. Can't wait to see what I'll be writing next year.

Herbal overkill

2010-04-10T21:55:00.003-05:00

This year I'm finding myself with some time to devote to my gardening. I have always loved my vegetable garden but the last few years I've not had time to do much with it. It's been a get the dirt worked, throw some plants and seeds in, and hope and pray that I have time to harvest and use some of it before weeds take over or fall comes kind of venture. I've not been very happy about it either as my family will attest to. To me if I can't open a jar of green beans that I've had to can the previous summer in January, I get upset. I think it's got something to do with the fact that a can of green beans cost upwards of a buck at the grocery store and I have to use at least 2 per meal, and me knowing I can pressure can my own green beans that taste much better. Same goes for tomatoes, carrots, peppers, corn and whatever else has struck my fancy to grow and preserve for use in the off season months.

Anyways with the recent departure of my poor X this year I find that I don't have to work a second job anymore. In all honesty I'm not upset about no more 65 hr work weeks. After almost 3 years that was getting pretty old. Ok so I didn't work that many hours every week, but it's a pretty good average. God bless which ever bureaucrat that came up with the idea of Social Security, and thank God that the X actually worked enough to have the credits so that the kids can draw off what he paid in.

Anyways, back to what I started to blog about, I want to plant an herb garden this year. Out here in BFE finding the fresh herbs I want without having to drive an hour or two round trip is next to impossible. Last year I was needing cilantro for a salsa recipe that I came across and when I asked the two grocery stores here in town about it they looked at me like I was from Mars. I asked at Wal-Mart and they were able to get it but I didn't like their price tag at all. Luckily I was bitching about it one day and one of the friends I was bitching to just happened to have some plants in her handy dandy herb garden. She took pity on me and I ended up with so much cilantro I ended up making salsa for what seemed to be a tri-county area.

So now I've made up my mind to plant an herb garden. Where I'm going to put it is still kind of up in the air. I'm trying the companion planting thing this year with my veggie garden so I'm sure that will factor into my herb placement. That will help simplify matters in the location aspect I'm sure. What would really help would be if I could figure out what herbs to plant. I know cilantro, dill, parsley, chives, basil, oregano off the top of my head. I know there are about a thousand other useful herbs out there that I would use if I had them planted, but can I think of them? Nope, can't think of what they would be to save my life. So me being me I automatically think Google is the answer to my herb questions. BWAHAHAHAHAHA that didn't work out so well. I came up with all kinds of herbal type answers from medicinal herbs (which is a great idea but not where I want to head quite yet) to all kinds of pages devoted to "the top 5 herbs to start your herb garden with". There seems to be no happy medium in my herb idea quest. It's either a list 2 miles long, or a list of what I already know I want. I found all kinds of spiffy pages devoted to how to grow them for beginners, but I'm a wee bit past that part as I've grown those top 5 herbs in the past.

I guess the logical next idea would be to go through all my recipes and see what herbs are featured and draw a list from there....this should be an interesting journey in horticulture to say the least. If I'm not seen for a few weeks just Google "herb list" and I'm sure you'll find me.

Been a long time

2010-04-10T00:00:00.002-05:00

Wow, I didn't realize it'd been over a year since my last post! I got temporarily sidetracked with several things over a long period of time. In a nutshell it's been called life in general and my children.

Just over a month ago my oldest two kid's Dad passed away very suddenly. Literally a case of he went to sleep and never woke up. It was quite a surprise to all of us and the kids didn't take it well at all. They are doing better now and in all honesty I think things will be better all the way around now. There were things going on there that weren't good and I didn't know anything about it until after he passed away. I won't go into all the sordid details about it right now but lets just say I'm glad I don't have to share the parenting responsibilities with someone who didn't want to be responsible at all.

There's been lots going on as usual for us but nothing monumentally earth shattering other than my X's untimely demise. Just the day to day drama that comes from raising teenagers and a 7 yr old all at once.

I'm hoping to be around blogging a bit more as I found part of my mind and it's screaming to be heard or at least get out and socialize a bit. Maybe later tonight I'll find my muse and write some awesome blog entry that makes all of you laugh, cry, or just think that my kids have brain damaged me in some way, shape, or form. ;)

Blueberries and Wii Fit

2009-03-21T19:32:00.003-05:00

Dear heavens has it sprung...and it's kicking my ass. I picked a piss poor time to buy a Wii Fit, lemmie tell ya. I wanted one for my birthday, funds were tight so I used my birthday money for things we really needed (like propane and electricity). Things have loosened up financially and Wednesday while I was out on my weekly errand/shopping trip I bought myself one finally. I wish my dear friend Miss Shannon had gotten back to me on her take on the Wii Fit. Seriously, not joking. I'm so sore from my abs to my ankles, that I'd like to amputate my legs. Abs aren't so bad, my legs though...ok I'll quit now, you get the point.

Thursday was way too busy for me to think about messing around with my new toy as I was in the middle of pruning my way-too-long-neglected blueberry bushes and cleaning up in that area. Small trees, poison ivy or oak (not sure which since there were no leaves), blueberry suckers, blackberry canes had all tried make a home in my blueberry patch and it was up to me to retake my berry patch. Ok I can't take all the credit...Daniel did get in there and hack off a good sized walnut tree with the chainsaw for me. A paintbrush, syringe, and a pint of 2 4 D lv (herbicide) mix, there is only a couple of smallish sized trees I need to take the handsaw to (broke my blade this afternoon, gonna have to wait till Wednesday when I can get a new one) and my blueberries will be MINE again. I'm quite proud of my accomplishment out there as the bushes hadn't been pruned in at least 3 years as best I could tell and were an overgrown, tangled mess. On top of that, the blueberries (as well as the rest of the undesirables) had grown up through the bird netting making it impossible to just take it loose from what remains of the wooden frame to which it was secured. Needless to say, it was a long road of trimming, dodging brambles with vicious thorns, and yanking to get the netting free. The netting fought the good fight but it was no match for me. My blueberry bushes are mere skeletons of what they once were (which is the way it should be)and now ready for their new enclosure to be built and renetted to keep the pesky birds out of my blueberries!

Friday I broke the Wii Fit out of it's box. I got the balance board all syched up with my Wii, and was psyched about trying out the yoga section. Folks, seriously...don't let the commercials fool you, it's not nearly as easy as they make it look. I've always thought I had a pretty good sense of balance. I can traverse over just about any kind of rough terrain out in the wild places I like to frequent and manage to keep dry and uninjured (well unless I happen across an underground nest of those dastardly little yellow jackets but I regress). I stepped on the balance board pretty confident of my abilities when they said they wanted to do a basic balance test. I stepped off the balance board ready to throw the damn thing out the living room window. After I completed the test (which while I was doing it, I about busted my ass more than once) it asked me if I tripped alot when I walk. Really ticked me off as Daniel loves to tease me about not being to walk and chew gum at the same time for the mere fact I'm a blond. Anyways it went on to tell me that I rely too much on visual cues during movement. Ok ya whatever...I moved on to the yoga. The names of the yoga moves make it sound easy...trust me, it's not. I made it through the yoga portion without injuring myself (small wonder after that damn tree pose), and moved on to the strengthening, aerobic and balance portions of the "game". Lets just say, my strong point was the yoga ok? I thought I was in pretty good shape...I thought wrong...WAY wrong. I knew my clothing was getting a bit snug, but I had no clue it was getting this bad. That's another reason I wanted this Fit thing, I don't like the way my clothes are fitting and I absolutely detest the fact that my thighs rub when I walk and do NOT get me started on my muffin top. Daniel is tickled pink that my cleavage is more pronounced (aka I actually HAVE cleavage now). Poor guy, if the Wii Fit doesn't leave me laying in bed unable to move from the muscle spasms and soreness, he doesn't have too long to enjoy it. Time will tell how this love/hate relationship between Wii Fit and me lasts. I'm hoping it's long enough that my thighs no longer rub, muffin top disappears and Daniel is crying in his Pepsi over the loss of his beloved cleavage.

ps Shannon, stay far away from your Wii Fit of you want to have all of your wedding stuff done on time m'dear...The Fit will kick your ass, guaranteed

An uneasy, queasy feeling

2009-02-19T04:04:00.002-06:00

All we've been hearing the last few weeks is about this economic stimulus package President Obama has been encouraging the legislature to get on his desk to help our struggling economy. Finally they have all agreed on something and to be honest, I don't know all of the details of it. The news has been pretty vague about the particulars, I'm not sure if it's because of the scope of what is in there or they really don't want the general working man to know (probably a lil of both in all honesty).

What I have been hearing about is the mortgage bailout portion of this stimulus package, and that's where most of my attention has been focused. This morning on the very early morning news on NBC, they had a clip from the President speaking in Phoenix about this mortgage bailout. The part that really caught my attention was when President Obama said, "The plan I’m announcing focuses on rescuing families who have played by the rules and acted responsibly. It will not rescue the unscrupulous or irresponsible by throwing good taxpayer money after bad loans.” Hmmmm sounds good, looks good...but maybe it's just me, but other than possibly helping families who have fallen behind on their mortgages due to job losses, WTH is this going to help other than the banks? Speaking of helping the banks...who were the ones that OK'd these bad mortgages to begin with? From what I've been hearing/reading/understanding the banks are the irresponsible ones, loaning out money on homes with inflated values. Now those homes values have fallen, and the banks are loosing money and have less cash to loan out on other inflated valued homes. So what we have is the banks and their shareholders suffering for taking a chance of making money by loaning it out, and now that their close to loosing their collective asses, looking to the government to make it all better.

For months I've been hearing that to get the economy going, money needs to be spent. Well DUH, took a genius to figure that one out. So what answer did the geniuses come up with? Give the money to big business to create and keep jobs for us drones. *Eyeroll* Now I have no issue with it being expected of people to work for what they have, I like the idea immensely. What royally pisses me off is that it seems us lower middle class working folk (hell at this point me and Daniel maybe in the working poor category, haven't looked in awhile) seem to keep sinking further in the hole financially. While we're lucky our workplace provides insurance, we're paying through the nose for our health and dental insurance. Add into that our car insurance and life insurance and we're what I call "insurance poor". Seriously, when our car and life insurance comes out of the bank, it takes upwards of half of my monthly take home pay. Our mortgage payment takes all of one of Daniel's paychecks and a few dollars more. Add into that propane to heat our home running $2.50/gallon, our electric bill, it leaves very little for discretionary income to spend to help "stimulate" the economy. We can make our bills, but damn is it ever frustrating to see so little left over every month.

I don't know what the answer to this financial mess is for all of us, but for months we've been hearing how people need to start spending money to help correct this economy. HELLO we ARE spending money people! Where it's ending up in this economy is beyond me, I don't have time nor the energy to track it down once we pay it out. I've cut so much fat out of our spending habits that they are starting to look like survivors of the Holocaust.

Daniel had a wonderful idea for a economic stimulus package considering our fine government wants to hand out billions of dollars. Go the the IRS and figure out how many taxpayers there are out there that make less than 6 figures a year, and then divide up that $790 billion dollars they are so eager to give away evenly between them. Not sure how much that would come up to, but stop and think about it. What would people do with it? Spend it of course. In our case, we'd pay off our mortgage, our vehicle loans and do some major spending in other areas like home improvement and such. Heck if it was enough, we might even just build a new house. Sure some people would go on vacations (we probably would too), pay off bills, and in general spend it. Ya knowing me I'd put some away in the bank someplace as an emergency fund and maybe invest a bit of it, but overall it would be pumped straight back into the economy. I know it'll never happen in my lifetime, kind of like winning the lottery but it's a fun idea to kick around at least.

Eleven months....

2009-02-19T01:19:00.002-06:00

I had originally intended to post this at the 1 year anniversary as a memorial to my beloved Gramma, but after reading this post by another blogger, I just felt the need to get it out of my system.

Dear Gramma,

I miss you. It's as plain and simple as that. I see your picture everyday as I look on my dresser. Most days looking at it brings twinges of guilt that I didn't visit you more often, bring your great grandchildren to visit you, and in general didn't spend more time with you. I sometimes wonder why you didn't visit me more often as well. Often I wonder if you realize the impact you had on me both as a child growing up and as the adult I turned into. I often catch myself correcting my behaviors as I wouldn't want you to see me acting like that and be disappointed in me.

You taught me so much just by who you were, how you reacted to situations, events and obstacles that were thrown your way in your lifetime. Other people that knew you say they see the same tenacity, stubbornness, and strength in me. I don't agree with them for the most part. I manage to make it through everything that's thrown in my path, sure, but I don't think I do it nearly as gracefully as you did. Thank you for showing me that anything and everything can be overcame, learned from, and even prospered from.

Even though your gone away from us Gramma, you continue to lend me your guidance and strength. When faced with what seems like an impossible situation, or my heart and soul are aching from disappointment, I hear your voice in the back of my mind telling me that in time it will all work out, to pray, to keep my emotions from overcoming me in front of the kids and Daniel because they need me to be there to show them that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, things WILL get better, learn the lesson that there is to glean from it, and most of all to let it strengthen them. I find myself wondering what you would do in a specific situation, how you would handle it, and go from there when dealing with it.

Gramma, most of all, thank you so much for being there for me. Even if it is just in my memory. I miss you so much that it hurts, but I'm glad that your gone away from all the pain that had been plaguing you in recent years, and that your burdens are gone.

I love you Gramma,

Chris

It's been a difficult journey for me, learning to let go of Gramma. I haven't even went down to visit Grampa once this year for fear of having a total meltdown being in her home because of the realization that she's really gone and not coming back... her not being there. It's much easier to distance myself from it than deal with it I suppose. Perhaps I'm not ready mentally to deal with it in a huge in-my-face kind of chunk like that. I'm not totally sure in all honesty. I was kicking myself pretty hard about the fact that I hadn't went down to see Grampa the other day and my Dad called. Of course, Dad knew something was bugging me so he pressed me on it and I finally 'fessed up to what it was. Of course Dad tried to make me feel better about my lack of visiting but in the process ended up opening a Pandora's box of reactions in my mind.

"Quit kicking yourself Sis. Ok maybe you should have at least went down and had lunch with Grandpa, but it's not like you've not had much else going on, Dad understands why you haven't been down. Let it lay"

"Dad it's not that easy, I can't just "let it lay" as you so eloquently put it. He's down there all by himself and Lord knows what kind of mess that house is in *sigh*."

"Ya it's probably a mess that's making Mom turn over in her grave, but he's a grown man, he is more than old enough to know better, it's not your place to take care of him. If anything it would be my place but that's another can of worms. Gramma would understand why you've not been down there coddling him, and to be honest, and I want you to think long and hard about this one Chris... Your home burnt less than a year ago, you kids had to basically start out from where you were 10 years ago after your divorces but now have 4 kids at home to take care of and contend with, where back then you only had 2 at home. Three of those kids are teenagers and Mom knew all too well what nightmares teenagers are."

"Ya but Dad....."

"No 'Ya but Dad'-ing me on this Chris...Your doing what your supposed to be doing, taking care of your family, providing for them, and rebuilding a home for them. Just like Mom did after Grampa Joe died for me and your Aunt K. Your making her proud doing what your doing, and how your doing it so quit kicking your own ass so hard and take some time to enjoy it. THAT'S what Gramma would have wanted, you know it just as well as I do."

"Hmphf"

"You want to tell me that I'm full of shit don't you but your not because you know I'm right"

"Dad..."

"What?"

"Shut up would you *sigh*"

"Heh heh, ok Delores, oh I meant Chris..."

About that time his cell lost connection and our conversation dropped but he was right. I could almost hear Gramma telling me that Grampa needed to learn to take care of himself for once in his life and I needed to learn that I can't take care of everyone all the time. MY family, the one I have at home, were the ones that needed me the most, even if they refused to say it in so many words.

(Why I felt the need to throw that in this post I don't know, I'm just going with the flow of my mind atm...sometimes it's just best that way.)

Now my Gramma wasn't one to lavish gifts on her grandchildren, or spoil us rotten as most Grandparents do. When her and Grampa came to visit, there weren't lavish gifts handed to us as they came in the front door, but there were always hugs and kisses with a lap to sit on later on. When we went to visit or stay with them, we weren't met with sweets and cookies, but rather with meals at regular times with snacks between times. When we were told stories, they weren't out of books, but rather of hijinks our parents or aunts and uncles had pulled as children, of how Gramma and Grampa had grown up, what it was like back way-back-when. An outing with Gramma and Grampa was a simple drive to church, the coffee shop, grocery store, Gramma's weekly Thursday shopping trip and the highlight of that trip was picking out your cereal for breakfast and your favorite flavor of Kool-Aid (soda was nonexistent at Gramma's house unless you were sick, and then it was 7-Up to settle your stomach), over to the neighbors to pick sweet corn out of their field for supper, and if you were REALLY lucky, go golfing with either Gramma or Grampa and get to keep score and drive the golf cart. Amazingly simple and rich at the same time kind of things. While some of my cousins were never happy going to visit Gramma and Grampa, there was a handful of us that would BEG to go to Gramma's house. It was like stepping into a different world for us in so many ways. Out of those 5 particular grandchildren (one of them being me), 3 of them were city kids, born and raised while me and my cousin who is a year younger than me were bona fide country kids. All of us had one thing in common though. The only time we all got together was at Gramma's house. It was a precedent that started in childhood to last throughout our lifetime. How ironic it is to me that the last time all of us got together was Gramma's funeral. I hope we didn't bury our too infrequent get togethers with Gramma.

So many things have changed in the last year. Sometimes they seem overwhelming for me. Somehow, someway, I find the fortitude to get through them, one step at a time...just like Gramma did.

Disengagement...can be very educational and entertaining

2008-12-22T18:58:00.003-06:00

Yes my Daniel has been hit with the retard stick again. That's being generous in the very least. Couple of weeks ago it was his daughter giving him the proverbial finger when told to start packing to move into her new room, and now she's done it again...not once but TWICE! This week it's because she wanted to go spend the weekend with some boy or his family in a major city 5 hrs away from home, in a rather shitty suburb. Now the girl just turned 17 less than a month ago and to say she's immature and lacks common sense is a gross understatement. I had been told she had *asked* to go and then was told that he wasn't going to let her. Four days later he told me he had went ahead and let her go...and yes he was met with a WTF where YOU smoking and/or drinking at the time, and asked if he'd sustained a head injury I needed to be aware of...and the obligatory head shake in disappointment at his piss poor judgement as well as me voicing my opinion on the matter. Then I shrugged my shoulders and reminded him I had disengaged, I'd keep my mouth shut, it was between him and the Sponge. I was met with a blank stare then a weak explanation of how he'd initially told her she couldn't go, and then something about her being 17 and there was no way he could really stop her, and her and her friend were going to go anyways, he'd rather have her in her car where he knew they wouldn't break down, followed with mutter, mutter, mutter. Where he comes up with his line of thinking, I have no clue. I told him the only reason I cared is because while it reflected poorly on him, it also reflected poorly on me and we have a court hearing over custody coming up sometime. I also reminded him of the shitty decisions that the Sponge had made with their oldest daughter and how she had turned out and he was acting just like the Sponge now in an attempt to keep Katie at our house. Oh and that this WOULD be brought up in a court of law and he'd have some SERIOUS explaining to do. He got kind of a funny look on his face, but didn't say a word. I was tempted to tell him I wasn't going to go to the court hearings with him, but I didn't. The reason for that is that I know me, and I'm way to nosey not to go.

Oh he also said something about her wanting the perks of being an adult, she can have the responsibility for it as well. That was too much for me to resist...and he was stuck in the pickup with me so I informed him I'm handing her the electric bill for next door AND her car insurance bill in January... *Wicked grin* and I'm NOT paying them. Ya I'm a bitch that way. I really don't care either way what they say about it either. What they gonna do? Give me dirty looks? Throw me out? GROUND ME? BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Well nothing further was said until today when he asked me to look up the weather and street/road conditions for that particular suburb today. I IM'd a good friend of mine that lives in that area and was informed that the roads were clear and while cold, weather was fine. While I was pulling up the info and texting my friend, he told me Katie was telling him that the streets were bad and she couldn't come home today blah blah blah. Well he dickered with her back and forth via texts for a good 2 hrs and I was getting pissed so I just called the local PD for that suburb. What do you know? Streets and weather were fine...so he texted her back telling her to have their happy asses home by 5 tonight or she's loosing her car for a month. Of course, she wasn't home by 5 (I'm not surprised considering his lack of spine and her ignorance). I don't know whether she's home now at 19:30 either since I had to come in to work because 2 of our dispatchers have the flu and maybe another one. That leaves me and one part time guy and he's scheduled to work tomorrow for the guy that's going to relieve me at midnight provided he's not sick as a dog by then (he was sick today I guess, heaving everything he'd eaten). Oh well, more OT for me :D. Tis the season.

Anyways, at this point, I'm kicking back enjoying my Daniel squirm like he's in a sniper's sight and he knows it. I have absolutely NO sympathy for him at this point, as he's let her spiral out of control and brought this on himself. The Sponge tried calling him today and wanted to talk to him and he turned his cell off. He had 3 unread text messages and he said he wasn't going to read them. Maybe he's taking clue from me about how I deal with his daughter...I ignore her. Oh I'll speak to her, and if there is something she needs to do, I'll tell her to do it, and if she doesn't, I deal with that. Other than that, nada. I reserve that right being a lowly disengaged stepparent though...he doesn't have that option since he's the "parent". She doesn't give me the shit she gives her Dad for the mere fact that she doesn't ask me anything. If she did, the answer would be no, and she knows that from experience.

I can't help but wonder if he doesn't WANT to loose this custody case. He's told me numerous times that he's too old for this bullshit and he doesn't want to deal with it. Of course this was a couple of years ago and he repeats it intermittently to the present time. I know I'm to the point where I want him to loose this case. I'm tired of watching him let her use him as a doormat. On the other hand, hopefully he's learning from it although it will be 10 years before he needs this knowledge again...well maybe it will. In a mere 10 years OUR Evie will be 15 and I'll rot in hell before I let him raise OUR daughter this way. I do believe he knows that and is relieved. I have no problem being Billy Bad Ass with the teenagers, where he just wants to throw money (and car keys apparently) and for them to get out of his hair. Screw that noise, I was raised like that and I know how it feels. I guess he's imagining that she likes it, and truth be known...she doesn't. She wants attention from her Dad and probably from me, but I can't give her mine with her acting this way. I would be the wicked stepmother from Cinderella at this point as disgusted with her as I am right now. Personally I think she needs that at this point in time, but I'm not taking the fall for being the "bad guy" with one of his kids yet again. I've tried telling him this, but he's not comprehending it as when he tries to reign her in and spend time with her, she retreats into a whining bitching "your so mean to me" fit. Oh well, least this is his last child he spawned with the Sponge and like I said, she's 17. Eleven short months and she'll be 18, and the following May she will graduate high school. YAY. I'm not going to say she'll be out of my life, but she will be no longer deemed in any way partially my responsibility. That just tickles the shit out of me.

Like I said, this is very educational for me. A first rate education/example of what NOT to do with my kids (even though I might be tempted at times). Now all I need is an example of what to do with/to him if he should get bold enough to attempt to allow my children to act this way.

Mad? Sad? ...but definately NOT glad

2008-12-19T17:57:00.009-06:00

Am I mad? Am I sad? Right now I don't know and this just reminds me WHY I don't pay attention to the news half the time.

One of the first things on the NBC nightly news tonight was about the "Big 3" and their financial woes and the government's reactions. Ok while I agree that letting them go belly up would cause MAJOR repercussions throughout our fine country, I'm not a big fan of the government bailing their irresponsible asses out of dutch either. If you or I were to be THAT financially irresponsible at our jobs, we'd be out the door so fast that we wouldn't know which way was up or down. Asking the government to bail us out .....BWAHAHAHAHAHA. We might get a handful of food stamps, some medical help to cover our children (which I think we all deserve BTW), and MAYBE some cash assistance (I think it's called TANF, but don't qoute me on that. As for cold hard cash? Nope. A "loan" to tide us over? A snowball would have a better chance in hell. I don't know WHAT the answer to this particular problem is, but personally...I think a whole lot of downsizing, some major pay cuts for the executives (and the ones that were making the lousy decisions...hit the door buddy!), and restructuring of their orgainizations. That's just my humble opinion though, what do I know? I may not have a Ph.D, but I have a solid understanding of business and a whole lot of common sense. Oh and not to mention, first hand experience in operating a "business" (aka a home and small farm)on a frayed shoestring budget and not bellyflopping financially. Something those jokers (aka executives apparently don't possess en masse).

OH WTH?!?! On our local news, I just heard that they are "loaning" them 17 BILLION dollars...on the condition that they show that they can show that they can turn their financial condition around by March 31. If they can't? They have to pay their "loan" back. Ok WHERE IS THE LOGIC in that?!? If they prove that they can start making money and stay in the black they don't have to pay that "loan" back? Great....nice to see where my HARD EARNED tax dollars are going. Oh and for anyone that's thinking "Well go back to school to get a cushy job with great pay and quit yer bitchin."...shut up. I like being a blue collar middle class worker. While I DO have a menial office job, it's interesting sometimes and it makes a difference in our lil corner of the world. (Yes, you know who you are just as well as I do...as for the rest of my readers that are in the same boat as I am, hats off to you for all that you do.)

Back on track, later in the NBC newscast they were talking about the Operation Santa program that the US Postal service has ran for the last 90 some odd years. I guess today it was brought to a screeching halt by some scrotebag sex offender that volunteered to answer a Santa letter. Luckily they got to him before he got his response mailed and are making changes to the program to try to prevent this from happening again. Gah some people just don't deserve the oxygen they breathe and the space they occupy in the universe. I know that's not very nice but ummm sorry, that's why I work in law enforcement. Be thankful I'm not a judge, and if you EVER commit a crime in my county...pray I'm not on your jury because I sincerly believe in public hangings, the death sentence, and in certain cases, I'm not above believing in torture. After telling of that, they switched gears with the story. They interviewed a postal worker that volunteers to read and answer Santa letters. While every year they get some kids (and parents) asking for help with warm clothing, jobs, food for Christmas dinner, basic kind of stuff SO many of us take for granted, this year it has been especially bad. Heartbreaking from some of the excerpts they read on the air. I'm not a cryer, but I was sitting here, signing into Blogger, drinking my coffee, eating my triple decker peanut butter sandwich, crying and thinking about the bailout story that had ruffled my feathers minutes earlier. They go from $17 BILLION dollars in loans to THREE companies, to heartbreaking stories of children asking for jobs for their parents, warm clothing, heat for their homes, food for Christmas dinner, a little bit of security/peace for their troubled parents...is it just me or is there something SERIOUSLY WRONG here?!?

I will admit the welfare program raises mixed emotions in me, but if our government can grant $17 BILLION in loans to 3 companies, why do we have CHILDREN asking for basics? Now I know there are parents that are irresponsible, and will go and blow whatever money they have on crap when their kids need things like coats, heat, school supplies, whatever, but still... It's just crazy. It pisses me off. It makes me extremely sad. I almost want to emmigrate to another country.

We all need to contact our government officials and let them know how we feel about this. My poor state representative...he's always getting a piece of my mind and good heavens, the man must have a portfolio of letters from me. I've written a few to my other "elected" officials, but Don gets the bulk of it as I see him at least 3-4 times a week. On the other hand, that's why I voted for him & part what I'm paying him for...to listen to my gripes and try to change things. I have to admit, he and I don't always see eye to eye, but he listens to what I have to say and gives it a fair shake. I do the same with him. We have a mutual respect for one another, and my family is friends with his family. I really wish he'd run for Congress, but he doesn't want to at this point. He prefers to be closer to his family, friends and constituents, where he can see the changes happen locally. Can't blame him a bit, and I respect him all the more for it.

Somethings don't come soon enough II

2008-12-16T03:35:00.003-06:00

Persnickety & Feisty...

At 17 I had a baby, husband, job, school and a home to take care of myself so ya I think it's safe to say all 3 of us can say it's "doable". Of course she tells her Daddy some bullshit about since she is a cheerleader she can't get a job, they won't work around her school activities...WTFH ever that is a HUGE load of shit. How do I know that? Hmpfh I wasn't a cheerleader by any means but I worked at least one job all the time, since the time I was 10. Sometimes it was mowing lawns, walking dogs (and I still HATE certain yippy fluffy breeds to this day because of that), working with guys cutting firewood, fixing fence, milking cows, working cows, general other farm work, and a plethora of other odd jobs...all on top of being an active member in FBLA, Art Club, swim team, Drama Club (betcha that's a surprise to ya'll huh), and various church activities...oh and going to the nursing home a few times a month to just go hang out with someone that didn't have any family to visit them. Anyways, that's not my point here, my point is that she's full of shit and Daniel refuses to call her bluff.

I so agree with both of you, they both need a major ass beating at the very least. It's not my place to administer it unless she does something to cross me though, then her happy lil bouncy smartass punk cheerleading ass is MINE. Funny thing is though...I tell her no, she doesn't give me the shit she gives her Dad LOL. Probably because she has tried it and it netted her a month of no going anywhere but to work (ya she worked a grand total of 6 weeks this summer), no phone, no computer, nada nothing. It started out at 2 weeks and then she went bitching and crying to Daniel....BAD mistake. Her punishment got doubled and as for him....well have you heard the term "blue balls" or "cold shoulder"? He got a very HEALTHY dose of both. I'm just talented that way ...thanks for teaching me the very handy skill of making people miserable Mom.

Anyways back on track here....

Last night was her flat denial of moving into her new room...and him letting her punk ass get by with it. Today...more of it but with a very interesting twist...get this ya'll...The reason he's having SOOOO many troubles with her over this is all MY FAULT. Oh yes, you read that right, MY FAULT. WTFH is probably what your thinking and I did too naturally. The response Daniel gave me was since when it came to figuring out who was going to stay over there while HE finished that room. Ohh yes, he was supposed to have had that done ohhhhh middle of Septemberish, and just like my Dad, blew it off till I pitched a bitch fit and started doing it myself ... opps side rant there, back on track now. Daniel wanted me to let Ty, my 14 yr old boy stay over there ALONE. Now Ty is a good kid, but he is a sneaky lil shit. I wouldn't put it past him to sneak out and meet some of his friends that can drive at the end of our driveway and we'd never know he was gone kinda sneaky. Or him sneak girls in or whatever. So ummmm NO I said to that. Yes it was my idea to put her over there, but she had this HUGE issue about being alone and for Christ's sake, she was almost 17 at the time. In less than 2 years she'll be out of my house...um errr on her own is what I meant. She needs to learn how to handle being alone at night. Well at first she pissed and moaned....oh wait, you read this before, I'll spare you the repeat. Now where was I? Oh ya, MY FAULT, and his logic behind that. In a nutshell if I'd listened to him and had Ty stay over there, then he wouldn't be having this issue with her. WTF? Oh so I'm supposed to have my 14 yr old son stay alone in a house and God only knows what he'd come up with and do that he's not supposed to so his fucking whiny assed almost 17 yr old daughter could stay in the main house (and that's what she wanted at that point in time) and it would make the transition easier on Daniel putting Ty in the spare room? I can see his logic as he's LAZY when it comes to being a parent in oh so many ways, but I'll be go to hell if I'm letting either one of my kids stay in a house 100 yds from me for that long. Nope, not this Momma. I know how sneaky kids can be (ok and part of it is I was a BAD kid in oh so many ways so I know what I'd been doing had my parents let me have a pad of my own).

We've been through this before with her older sister and guess what? His problems with her were MY FAULT as well. Yes there is a pattern of this and yes I'm sick and G'damned tired of it. So I am going to what's called "disengaging" in the world of step parenting. The girl HAS parents...unfortunately for her she was dealt a couple of not the best, but not my fault. I'm in no way, shape, or form saying I'll EVER win mother of the year, but I'm not a totally looser parent either. So since she has parents, I'm leaving the parenting to them. Unless of course she does something that directly impacts me or my children and God help her if she does, because then she's under MY jurisdiction. I will be in charge of that, then if it happens. Until then, she's her Mom and Dad's problem. I won't be doing anything for her unless she asks and I agree or she earns it. If they don't like that oh well...what are they going to do? Sue me? Leave me? Pfft...not too concerned about it. I'll deal with the repercussions if/when it gets to that point. In the meantime, I'm going to raise MY children to the best of my ability and say screw the rest of it. I don't need the grief, anxiety, or headaches associated with it.

Oh and as for that cold shoulder...ya Daniel's on the receiving end of it yet again, and until I either see changes or get left out of his Katie drama bullshit I don't see it changing anytime soon.

Oh and Daddy...Thank you SOOOO much for raising me right, but I wouldn't be expecting any kudos on my raising from Daniel anytime soon ;)

Man I LOVE this song!

2008-12-16T03:08:00.004-06:00

So very true...except that my Dad wouldn't buy me a damn horse cos they were a "waste of feed and good for nothing but tearing the shit out of a perfectly good pasture"... That's really hilarious considering Daniel says the same thing about them. Maybe they are onto something when those shrinks say some women seek out men somewhat like their fathers. ;)

Somethings just don't come soon enough

2008-12-14T23:20:00.002-06:00

I'm PMSing which contributes to part of this post, but don't expect me to apologize for anything I say here. Only reason I bequeathed you with that information is that the first couple of paragraphs, that's the only reason that stuff is bugging me. The last part of it though...well it's been festering for awhile and my dipshit other half will NOT grow a f'kn spine and stand up to his punk ass 17 yr old daughter.

Ok first of all, I've been working WAY to many hours lately in order to halfway keep this family afloat financially. Now I don't mind that, I know that in a month or so things will straighten out, they always do. I'm just getting worn out, and when I AM home, the three youngest kids (all mine) want to be attached to my hip. While flattering, it's annoying...on top of that, Daniel wants to be attached to the other hip. Now I'm 5'3" and my weight bounces between 130-140 at any given time. His 189lbs on one hip and the other kids combined weight of probably 275 lbs gets overwhelming to say the least. All of them wanting my attention at any given time gets mentally exhausting. I am more mentally fatiqued than anything else. I need some downtime which I CAN NOT get around these parts these days. That's most of why they are grating on my nerves so bad. Me having down time equates to a more mentally refreshed Mom and wife so I actually want to hang out with all of them some (and all that extra weight doesn't wear me out so badly).

Second of all, the 13 yr old has PMS as well. Man oh man, you talk about B.I.T.C.H.Y. she makes me look like a saint in that reqard. I have spent the majority of today trying to keep her in check as she was snapping at everyone like a rabid alligator. Personally I wanted to chunk her into her closet and give her a lamp, a coffee can, box of kleenex, her Diet Coke, bottle of Midol, pillow, blanket, and her DS but thought better of it.

Today we finished 17 yr old brat stepdaughter's room in the mobile adjoining ours. It's nothing fancy, but it's more than livable and she is LIVID. We let her stay next door in the smaller mobile and at first she bawled and squalled about it. Now she's grown used to it and likes having her own place...on our f'kn dime. Money is tight right now but apparently this kid thinks we have a money tree that we can go raid as we need to. Doesn't matter whether we did or not, she has NO right to expect us to furnish her with a house of her own even if we do have one handy. She wants her own place, she get get a f'n job like the rest of us, and pay her own bills just like the rest of us. Daniel thinks I'm being too hardcore and just plain "mean" about it. All I hear out of him is "Well what would you have liked at 17?" I very ungently reminded him at 17 I DID have my own house, and I paid my own bills THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I didn't expect or want help from my parents. Anyways, that's another blog post all together. I don't give a flying rat's ass what either of them think anymore. He needs thumped upside the the head and that girl needs a serious good old fashioned ass whipping. Can I get her dear Daddy to administer one to her? F'k NO. If she doesn't get what she thinks she "needs" when she thinks she "needs" it, she sends him all kinds of hateful and disrepectful text messages, shovels out all kinds of attitude, and keeps it up until she either gets tired of it or there's something else that makes her happy or she thinks she HAS to have RIGHT now. Case in point....Last Monday they were to have their sports pictures taken, and he was flat assed broke. She wanted $20 for her pictures and when he said he didn't have it, he got smart assed whiney texts for the next 4 days like "Oh well I guess I'm not supposed to have memories so I just won't get them *sigh*" and assorted other bullshit (that's the first one I read and I can't remember the rest cos they all pissed me off so bad). His response "Well you can't blame her for being disappointed" WTFH kind of answer is that?!? He might have a point but to let her get by with texting him that way.....well all I'll say is she's lucky she's not MY kid because she'd be black, blue, purple, and yellow across her backside, she'd not have a car nor a phone either.

I really HATE being a stepmother. I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY hate it. I have to stand my and watch this kind of shit go on, and him let his kid get by with it. On top of that, MY kids see it and listen to it, so guess what? They think THEY can get by with it. Well they try, they don't get very far. Guess my threats of beating their asses get their attention, especially when a mouthy then 14 yr old got his beat in front of his younger sisters. It made an impression. They still push, but they don't push too hard. Now if I could just let Daniel let me have a crack at that brat of his... That's never going to happen though so I'd just better stick with hoping that the next year and a half goes by very swiftly. I'll never be so glad to have a kid out of my house in all my life (well except for her sister, and this situation is quickly morphing into what that one careened into).

Ok rant over, back to your regularly scheduled programming and thank you so much for allowing me to get this off my shoulders...kinda...sorta...in a roundabout way that is. :)

Kids are going to oh so pissed at me this year ....

2008-11-24T01:24:00.002-06:00

Due to Daniel having to be off work from his surgery, much needed home repairs, Katie smacking a deer with her car, and all the other crap that's happened, I've decided that I'm scaling back Christmas this year. I've meant to in years past but somehow ALWAYS managed to over do it much to our bank account, and me & Daniel's chagrin. This year I'm going to have to for one reason. I just can't do it. While workman's comp is a great thing, one area that really sucks about is that they only pay a portion of what you'd make working. Really pisses me off cos the bills keep coming in and they don't get reduced, WTH should the paychecks, but I'll relent on that for now. Anyways, bottom line is we can't afford the Christmas that I usually do. Nothing wrong with that, as our kids are pretty spoiled (even though they will vehemently deny it), and actually I'm kind of glad for it.

A couple of weeks (months? maybe, I can't remember) I was snooping around on PW's blog, and saw a thingy on "Wrangling Christmas". It was in the sidebar and had to click on it to get the full scoop. PW was talking about how with everything they have going on, she has to be organized in some areas, and Christmas is one of them. By the way, PW lives approximately the same distance from a major metropolitan area as I do, so I really LOVE reading her stuff like this. Anyways, she had a great idea on Christmas and gift giving! She writes down each child with three numbers underneath the child's name. Then beside one number she will write down something that particular child WANTS. The next number she writes down something they NEED. The third number a BOOK (remember folks, she homeschools her brood). PW does that for each of their 4 children. What a spiffy idea...a WANT, a NEED, and a BOOK! Her system makes complete and utter sense. What parent hasn't wanted to give their children things they need just to feel somewhat guilty for the fact that they know someone else's kids are just getting stuff they want? Or for just getting their kids stuff they want, when there are things they actually need? Ok maybe I'm in the minority on that, but you get my drift. Now there's no limit on how many gifts they receive, just that before she goes back to one category, she has to have something in the other categories.

After reading that, I was like WOW, whatta concept! I am SOOOOO doing that this year. Daniel and I have always been at odds about what Christmas is all about gift wise. I was raised that Christmas is about getting stuff that you WANT, he is way more practical and thinks that it should be more about getting what you NEED, with a couple of wants thrown in for surprise. When I told Daniel about it, he was like "Ya it's a great idea if you'll actually stick with it". He has a point, follow through isn't my strong point.

So due to financial necessity, wanting to teach my kids more of what Christmas is supposed to be about (tradition, family, ect), and just wanting a simpler less stressful Christmas season for me, that's what I'm going to do. Well it'll be less stressful before Christmas at least, not so sure about Christmas morning when the 4 kiddos look under the tree and it looks bare in comparison to years past, but I'll deal with that when it comes to that time.

I would love to hear any other ideas for simplifying the holiday season ya'll have. C'mon, quit lurking and let me hear them, I can handle it, I promise!

Sorry...

2008-11-23T00:28:00.003-06:00

It must seem to lots of random readers that make it here, that I bitch and whine alot. If it does to you, well in all honesty, it seems that way to me too. I don't like it either. Ok now I hear you asking yourselves "Then if you don't like it, WHY do you do it?" Well that isn't such an easy question to answer. I guess I could simplify it, but what good would that do? I'm a subscriber to the theory of to quit doing something, you must find the root cause of WHY it's being done. Only when you can find the root, dig it out, and deal with it, can you effectively battle the beast. Many of the things I piss and moan about there are simple answers for in theory, but to make those work, other's must cooperate, which in some cases is about as easy as herding chickens (ok in reality, I've herded chickens, and it's much easier).

I'm not going to apoligize for the amount of crabbing I do on here, but I will say this about it...I have to purge it from my system in a healthier form than what initally comes to mind in most cases. You don't EVEN want to begin to know my inital solutions to some problems. (Hint: Refer to my previous post and find the paragraph about my truck and vehicular manslaughter)

I have been dually bless/cursed with a strong sense of wrong and right. With that comes a vivid imagination and even stronger belief in karma, punishment and justice. Maybe that's why I work in law enforcement. I dunno.

Anyways, back on track, I get frustrated to no end when I see injustice and unfairness. Like I mentioned with Spongebob, her and her new hubs get to do all kinds of things. It's not that I care so much WHAT they do, it just aggravates me that we can't afford to do anything with our family because we're having to take up the slack financially because she won't help. My kid's Dad is just as bad as they can afford to buy movies and such, but he can't pay his child support. Shoot, it's been since August that I saw any kind of money out of him. I don't mean to lay all the blame on Spongebob, it's just that I've gotten used to my X being worthless in the money department. It irrates me that me and Daniel have to work so hard, just to give them the little bit that we can. For example, my X will buy movies hand over fist, and around my house, I rarely buy a movie unless I snag it used someplace, cheap. If I buy a new movie for any of us, it's either because it's a holiday of some sort, something we will all enjoy time and time again, or a major reward for a deed well done. I guess it's the difference in how me and him were raised. His parents were far poorer than my parents, and yet they could afford to buy those kinds of things. Maybe it's a difference in values, I don't know, I don't care. What I do know is that my older kids are less than impressed when I buy a movie and am excited to watch it. Usually they've already seen it at their Dad's, or just the fact that "Mom, it's a movie...Why are you so excited over a movie". *Sigh*

Just like for a long time, I was pretty strict on what I let my kids watch. Well I still am to some extent as I do have a 5 yr old in the house. Anyways, when the step daughters were 10 & 12, they wanted to watch the Madonna movie that was a tour biography (I can't think of the name of it atm). I told them no, there's some pretty racy stuff in there. I didn't think they needed to see that. When Daniel questioned me about not letting them watch it (he hadn't ever watched it), I started to explain and Tangie (the oldest one at a ripe old age of 12) informed him, "It's ok Dad, we've already seen it, Mom lets us watch it, we have it at home. We'll just find something else." I about went into a fit, and Daniel was standign there clueless. Well he understood later that week when I had him sit down and watch it with me while we were folding laundry. My kid's Dad is just as bad letting my kids watch that kind of thing as well. I blocked Comedy Central, MTV, MTV 2, and those kinds of things when I had satellite, and you'd have thought I was amputating limbs or something. Then guess what? Yup, I heard "Eh don't worry about it, we'll watch it at Mom/Dad's when we're there".

So ya, I get frustrated...alot. The X's aren't the only frustrations I have, they are just the most aggravating and the hardest to get things changed with. Sometimes it seems they do things just to piss us off (ok we know they do, but that's ok, Karma will deal with them eventually and the kids will see through it eventually).

Like I said, I need someplace relatively healthy to get this out of my system, and so far my blog is the safest place I've found.

Also this year has been filled with heartbreak, and challenges for my family. Maybe (hopefully) 2009 will be better, and I will blog about more interesting things than just my aggravations. I'll work on that, promise.

Everything is ok....relatively that is....kinda

2008-11-22T19:35:00.003-06:00

With my Dad that is...he ended up in the hospital on Wednesday to Thursday afternoon for some heart racing, coldness in his feet and legs and pressure on his chest. They did a dye stress test on him and didn't find anything wrong with the ole ticker so we're thankful for that right now. He's still got other issues which they are working on figuring out what they are. Might be an infection, might be cancer, and then there's that pesky borderline diabetic thing they found during his blood testing. Scary...of course, but manageable. Now we're in the hurry up and wait mode, for his specialist's appt's to figure out the rest of the problem (or if there is one).

As for the custody/child support hearing on Thursday all I can say is...I wanna hit that...with my car that is...on the other hand, no I don't, I like my truck as-is, without the hood, grill, and bumper all buggered up. Plus I don't think vehicular manslaughter charges would go over very well with my boss at all. In a nutshell this is what happened:

(excerpt from Missouri Case.net file on our proceedings...I deleted the names in the interest of privacy)

11/20/2008 Docket Entry: Hearing Continued/Rescheduled
Text: Parties appear with attys. A conference is held in chambers. The Plaintiff requests that a GAL be appointed for the minor child. Attorney J.H. is so appointed. The court requests that the Presiding Judge assign another Judge to hear this case as Judge E will be retiring as of January 1,2009.

Now for those who don't know what a GAL is it is a guardian ad litum for the child. Here is a link to explain what they are and what they do:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_guardian#Guardian_ad_litem

We don't have any problem with her and her attorney requesting one except for one small detail. WHY THE HELL DID THEY WAIT UNTIL NOW! Oh that's right, Katie's gonna be 17 in less than a week, that's right. She doesn't want to help financially support her daughter. Oh hell who am I kidding, she doesn't want to help with anything in regards to her daughter unless it makes her look like a martyr or hero to everyone. The GAL is actually a good idea in all honesty, but it majorly pisses me off and frustrates me the only reason they asked for one is to draw this crap out and stall off Spongebob paying child support. I know it probably seems like all we care about is the money. To be honest, we do. Seventeen year old's are expensive. Especially if the child is as involved in school activities like clubs and sports like Katie is. There's the inevitable fees for the activities, and then the other expenses like food and such for when they have games out of town and the like. Ten dollars every Friday doesn't sound like much, but when you add that up over the course of weeks, it tally's up. It's not that we care about the money per se, it's just there are the rest of the household bills that HAVE to be paid NOW, not in another 6 months when this finally goes back to court. It's frustrating to have to juggle the way we do. Especially when Spongebob and her new hubby can spend $170 on a horseback search and rescue class, eat out, rent a house out in the country because they don't want to live in the house that Spongebob owns in town, they can go on trail rides and all kinds of things while we're scraping by to make the bills and while we'd LOVE to be able to take off for a weekend to do something with the kids, can't afford to. So ya, it's about the money, but moreso it's about what the Sponge is depriving ALL of us of. I know Karma will take a nice big bite out of her ample posterior for this, but patience isn't one of my virtues so I'm getting pretty pissy that it's not happening yet that I can see.

On the other hand, Katie is withdrawing from her Mom. She's upset that her Mom won't help. Katie's upset that her Mom doesn't give a rat's ass about what she wants, it's all about what her Mom wants. She sees the things we would like to do, but can't due to her Mom being less than helpful or supportive. We don't tell her these things of course but she's 17, she's smart, she can figure it out on her own. Then again when we tell her that we won't just give her the money for stuff right out, she has to call her Mom and ask for some help with it, that does kind of give it away I guess. Katie gets tired of being told no, that her Mom doesn't have the money, that she's living with us, it's our responsibility, or whatever else it is her Mom tells her. Then her Mom wonders why Katie doesn't want to go over to see her or even talk to her on the phone. Gee, go figure. Of course we're to blame for that, the way we spoil her and are brainwashing her against her Mom. Hogwash, we tell Katie she really needs to go see her Mom, Katie just doesn't want to. We won't force her to either. We encourage her to call her Mom (other than to ask for money), but there again, Katie doesn't want to. It's a sad situation, but I can see both sides. I have to say that I side more with Katie though (some of that's personal though, you have to stop and consider her Mom had an affair with my former husband while buddying up to me, but that's another post for another time). I've been in Katie's position with my own Mom albeit slightly differently situation (there again, another post for another time). There are no easy answers to this one, other than Katie needs to spend a lil more time with her Mom, her Mom needs to help financially and emotionally support Katie, and I can't hit the Sponge with my truck cos I can't afford to loose my job. Oh well, like I mentioned, Karma will come around eventually and get her, I just have to have faith in that and our legal system that they will do the right thing by everyone mixed up in this mess.

Other than all that, things are pretty ok. Daniel goes back to work Monday, Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I actually get it off this year. Well aside from the fact that presents me with a difficult situation of my own concerning my parents. I cook Thanksgiving dinner. It's a no brainer for me. It's easier on me than getting everyone ready and herded around to go to either my Mom's or Dad's house. It's easier on the kids as they have all their stuff at home, and that helps keep them out from under my feet and them amused while all the adults visit, clean up, and prepare the meal. Plus add in that my Dad's house is a mess, and well his woman is about the worst housekeeper I've ever seen. Don't ask me what color their kitchen floor is because I honestly couldn't tell you. It's not because I haven't looked either, it's that dirty when I've been there. At Mom's, she refuses to pay the $$ for the natural gas for her furnace so for heat she uses kerosene heaters. The fumes from those things give me a massive headache and the fumes just plain stink. The fumes also seem to permeate EVERYTHING they come in contact with so showers and laundry are a must after being over there. Not what I want to have to deal with after a huge meal. So all in all, it's easier just to do it at my house. I have more room, a cleaner house, and no fumes that are going to make me cranky and miserable. Where my problem comes in is the fact that I can't have my Mom, Dad, and Jane in the same place together. Mom gets to showboating, Jane gets wound up because of her inferiority complex, then that leads to me, Dad and Daniel getting wound up because of their behaviors. Right now I'm actually hoping that Dad goes back to work so I can just invite Mom, and sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas have a holiday dinner with Dad and Jane. I know it sounds like I am favoring my Mom over my Dad on this and I suppose I am. Mom doesn't have any of our other family close...well except for my lil brother, but I don't see him and his g/f having dinner at their house. That would leave my Mom all alone on Thanksgiving and well...that idea just bothers me. Jane has family around to spend the holiday with if Dad's gone so I don't feel bad about her. Mom on the other hand...well ya, it bugs the hell outta me, the idea of her being alone on Thanksgiving. There's not an easy answer here on this one, but I'll figure out something like I always do.

That in short is my weekend. Sorry about the rant in there but I'm just madder than hell about the custody/child support thing.

Ahhh now I feel much better...thanks for letting me make your eyeballs bleed with my ranting over a crappy week.

Opps...my bad

2008-11-17T03:11:00.002-06:00

Ok so ya'll have read funnies about my kids I've posted. I think it's only fair I post one about myself to even things out.

A few weeks ago when we moved over into the bigger house, the outside temps had started dropping into the chilly territory at night. Not cold, just chilly and enough chill to start thinking about needing the furnace. The first couple of nights we made do with a couple of space heaters. The next night though, it was quite apparent that we might need more than that as the temperature was dripping lower and lower. We realized we hadn't lit the furnace pilot but it wasn't a big deal as it has an electronic ignition system on it. Pretty easy task unless you have a blond (me) and a former blond who is all doped up due to his surgery the middle of the week before (Daniel) doing it.

We flipped the thermostat over to heat, lowered the thermostat all the way, and flipped all the switches on the furnace. I hit the ignitor button and a glow emerged in the window, I heard the click of the fan trying to turn over but then....nothing. The blower wouldn't kick on. Well convinced I'd done something wrong, Daniel tried it...same result. HAHA Mr I-am-man-therefore-smarter-handier-than-you-woman. We repeated this to the tune of a dozen times...all for naught. No heat, nada. I flipped it back over to the AC side and kicked it on and AC was working fine. The fan would kick on when I flipped the switch over to manual run, and to reverse the air flow. When I kicked it back over to the heat side, nothing. Shit, shit, shit...

Well having a rudimentary knowledge of furnaces due to my Dad having taken classes on furnace/AC repair when I was a kid, I knew that it probably was a sensor buggered up in there. Well SHIT! It was 10:30 Sunday night...I really didn't want to call out a repairman and pay the boatload he was sure to charge me. So I did the next best thing...I called my Dad. After telling him what it was and wasn't doing, he affirmed that I was probably right, there was probably a sensor out. Particularly the sensor that tells the blower to kick on when the furnace had adequately heated the air in the furnace. Unfortunately, Dad was on the other side of the dadburn state, but was going to be in town the next day. WOOT, we could make it one more night without the furnace. I dragged out some extra blankets and we slept in sweats. No biggie.

Well Dad showed up finally at 4pm the next day. He sat down in the hallway to read that obscenely small print on the schematic diagram on the front of the furnace to ascertain that the wiring was where it needed to be and hadn't gotten accidentally pulled loose. Then we proceeded to go through the steps to light the furnace. Daniel and Dad's sidekick watched from the living room as Dad hit the ignitor button, and watched the glow start, then die, as well as the click of the fan control, then the glow die, and no blower start. Then Dad's gaze turned to the gas line...he flipped the gas valve the other direction and hit the ignitor button again. In about two minutes the fan roared to life, just barely to be heard over my Dad's raucous laughter.

"Hey Sis...Ummm any particular reason you didn't turn the gas on?" he howled in laughter

"Ummm I thought Crip over there did it since HE was the one down there initially" I told him while groaning mentally.

"Hey, you shoulda known to double check E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. woman, I'm medicated ya know." Daniel smirked at me

Dad's sidekick...well he was laughing like a hyena and I wanted to ...well kick the sidekick.

Gah...I can't believe that I forgot which way means open and closed on the gas valve! Oh well, I will NOT forget again, I can promise you that one folks.

ps My kids are still giving me shit about this one, and I still want to kick the sidekick.

Scared again...

2008-11-16T20:35:00.002-06:00

Dear God...not again.

I thought I had finally started to get over the pain of loosing my beloved Gramma this last St Patricks Day. Those weeks of hurry up and waiting, the false sense of security...it's all rushing back now.

I had just settled into work tonight and my Dad stopped by. Well let me back up for a minute...

A week or two ago, Dad called me while he was on the road. He told me about his loads, his layovers, all the usual things we usually chat about. Then he asked me about our family Dr's office hours. I told him what they were and then I asked him why. Well I guess during this trip out, Dad had been having some odd things happening. Like ya know how when you go out in the bitter cold, then come back in how your face will tingle afterwards? Well apparently he's been having that sensation all over for no apparent reason. Also when he moves suddenly, like bending down and then raising quickly, or any quick movements, he's getting a woosy light headed feeling. I didn't think too much about it at the time, especially since his symptoms are so vague. He also mentioned there were a few more things but he didn't go into detail. I don't push my Dad, he's alot like me, if he wants you to know, he'll tell you. If he doesn't tell you, there's usually a reason for it. Dad and I know this about each other, and we respect that about one another.

Flash forward back to earlier tonight...

I was chatting with my Dad about what him and his sidekick E had been up to. They had been moving stuff from one farm to the other, and piddling about. I asked my Dad if he'd taken that leave of absence he'd been talking about. He started kind of shifting his weight from one leg to the other and told me he hadn't but didn't know when he was going back to work. I guess I must have had a quizzical look on my face, because he proceeded to tell me that he'd went to the Dr last week and they didn't know what was causing his symptoms. They took blood for tests, but until they got the results back, wouldn't know much. Dad told me he should have the results by about 10am tomorrow.

I'm worried. I'm anxious. I'm kicking myself. I'm angry. I'm...so...UGH, the list goes on and on and on, ad nauseum.

The last 10 years Dad and I seem to have drifted apart. I'm unhappy about it plain and simple. I know, I know, children are supposed to go out into the world on their own and live their own lives. Parents are supposed to stand in the wings, silently supporting their children as they make their way down their paths, offering snippets of advise here and there, lending their support as we raise our own children as they watch us struggle with the same things they struggled with just a few short years (or decades ago, whatever the case may be.)

Thirteen years ago, my Dad met his current woman J. I have to admit, I wasn't impressed with her then, and now after 11 years, I'm less impressed with her. Part of that due to the fact her husband (yes she was still married at that time), part because she was horning in on my turf, part because well ummm, errrr, she's...rough. REALLY rough. I don't mean that in terms of a diamond in the rough either. The nicest way I can think to describe it is gold digging white trash ok? I tried with this woman, I really did. She dug her own hole with me based on two things. First one was when Dad pleaded with me to just talk to her about her husband, thinking I'd see her justification for what she (they) were doing. Ok fine, I did. Well I asked and she informed me that her husband had suffered a stroke a few years back. She had stayed in their home for awhile but her stepchildren had made her life hell, questioning everything she did, her and their father's decisions as to his care, ect ad nauseum. Well knowing how snotty some kids can be to stepparents, I let that slide. Well considering all of her family was back her, and how miserable his kids were making her, she bought a new mobile home, and moved it onto her Mom's property while her husband was in the nursing home undergoing his rehabilitation. Once he was as well as he was going to get, she moved him here with him, and realized how much work it was taking care of him. She took him back to the soldier's nursing home he'd been rehabilitated in, and readmitted him. I could somewhat understand her reasons of how hard it was to maneuver him around for baths and such, no problem. I was starting to understand where she was coming from, even feel empathy for her over the situation until she said..."...and ya know, I just didn't want him dying in my new trailer. How would I be able to live there if he died in there?!?" I couldn't help it, I was appalled to say the least. He had taken care of her and her spawn (which are a worthless bunch, lemmie tell ya) for YEARS, and this is how she repaid him? Throwing him back into a nursing home because his possible death in her new TRAILER HOUSE? That did it, I threatened her life. I told her IF her and my Dad lasted, if she EVER attempted a stunt like that with MY DADDY, I was going to make her step children look like saints. Well of course she had to go crying to Dad about how mean I am. When I told Dad my side of the story, he tried to admonish me, but I could see the pride in his face for setting her straight about my expectations about how my Dad should and will be treated. A mere 3 months later, she was demanding she be put on my Dad's checking account, and I first went to my Dad with my concerns. He heard me out and asked me not to go ballistic on his new girlfriend. I tried not to, but well...it didn't work. I again set her straight on her position with me, in MY family. Giving up my Dad to another woman...hard adjustment for me. Things were going to hell with my husband, and I needed a constant in my life. My Dad had always been my constant, the one who picked me up when I fell, the one who told me to get back on that horse and learn from my mistakes. Dad and me, Me and Dad, through all those years of hell with my Mom, we'd stuck together, made it through to go on with our lives. Him restarting his in his 50's, and me just starting mine in my late teens with a baby and an unreliable husband.

He moved in with her, and hour away from me. From living 100 yards from my front door, to an hour's drive away. It happened gradually, he'd come in off the truck and go to her house instead of his or mine. Then after time, he couldn't' see the sense of keeping two households. So he just started just going to her house. I'd catch myself watching my Dad's house out the window, just staring, wishing, hoping they'd have a massive fight and Daddy would come home. It never happened. His trips home became less and less, as the property we all lived on at the time is/was jointly owned by my Mom and Dad. Mom had been snooping around about this woman, and found out everything that she'd told me, and then some. When Dad was around with J, my Mom would go berserk. J felt threatened as my Mom was/is more attractive than she is, and Mom felt threatened and was kicking herself for loosing my Dad. My Mom doesn't loose gracefully, even if she makes an ass out of herself while trying in vain to win the loosing battle.

Over the course of time I accepted that Dad loves J, and I'm going to have to share him with her. Do I like it? No, not at all, but I accept it. If for no other reason, my Dad deserves to be happy. If J makes him happy, well then, by damn I'm not going to stand in the way of that. J has her good points as we all do, but let me put it like this. I will be nice to her for my Dad's sake, I will get along with her, but if it wasn't for my Dad...well she's not at all the kind of person I would be associated with due to different outlooks, interests, and educational levels.

Anyways, over time, Dad went his way with J, and I went mine. Dad and J were both there for me when I threw my former husband out. They have been there for me during the good and the bad since then. When they've had their troubles or needed help, I've been there for them to the best of my ability. That's just what family does. My Gramma raised us that way. We don't have to particularly like each other all the time, but when it comes to the wire, we'd better be there for one another. That's what family does, no matter how much time or how many miles try to stand in the way.

I'm still close to my Dad, I always will be. Nothing will ever change that. Soon he will be living within 15 minutes of me again and that can't come soon enough. There is one striking difference this time though. While to a certain degree I want it for myself, I want it more for my children. Over the years, my children haven't had the opportunity to get to know their Grandpa. J has some great nieces that stay with them off and on and while those little girls certainly deserve the undivided love and affection my Dad gives to them, so do my children. At 3 & 4 those girls have spent more time with my Dad then my kids ages 15, 13, and soon to be 6. That makes me angry, sad, ashamed. I won't take all the blame for it, as it's just as much my Dad's. I also blame J for being such a spender. If she'd cut back on spending so damn much money on just "stuff" for having stuff's sake, my Dad wouldn't have to drive that truck so stinkin much. It's my fault as well for not taking them to see my Dad when he's home, but if you saw their home, you'd fully understand why. Let's just say it this way...you have to make your way through paths through the "stuff" and you can't tell what color the flooring is supposed to be. 'Nuff said.

I guess I'm still kicking myself for not spending as much time with my Gramma as I think I should have before we lost her. I'm also kicking myself for not insisting that my kids spend time with their Grandpa, for not making it happen. In short, I'm kicking myself for a whole lot of things now that it's in my face there may be something wrong with my Dad.

I'm also scared I might loose him. I know it's probably unfounded and premature, but nonetheless, I'm scared...terrified even. I just lost my Gramma not even a year ago, and now... this. They say fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all. I never believed in that until now.

The season is upon us

2008-11-08T01:59:00.002-06:00

No I'm not referring to the holidays either. Right now the holidays are the furthest thing from my guy's minds around the homestead. In precisely 7 days, 2 hrs and 43 minutes, I will be submerged headfirst into firearms deer hunting season. YAY!!!!!! NOT!!!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to having venison in the freezer and some deer hides to practice my tanning skills on. Yes, I have some eclectic hobbies...we all have our quirks, just me more than others. What I don't look forward too? Oh where on that list shall I begin?

1. Getting awoken at the before the ass crack of dawn to make sure they get out of the house (and my hair) without waking the girls up.

2. Getting awoken to get informed that I have to go with because Ty sounds like an elephant going to the stand and can't hit the broad side of a bulls ass and that's why they didn't see/get a deer yesterday...therefore I get recruited to go since Daniel can't fire a weapon yet w/o possibly messing up his bone graft in his neck.

3. Sitting in a cold ass windy stand freezing my blessed assurance off before sunrise with no coffee pot to come to my rescue.

4. Listening to Ty BEG me to stay home from school to hunt.

5. Listening to his sisters gripe cos he got to stay home and hunt.

6. Listening to Daniel that I let Ty stay home and hunt (or not letting him stay home and hunt...can't win on this one).

7. All the stories of how they got their deer, or why they didn't...It's amusing at best the first time around, but by the end of January...ya the stories stale, move on fellas. Really.

8. My family calling everyday "Anyone get a deer yet?"

9. "Friends" constantly asking if they can come over and hunt our place because they've heard we're in deer heaven

10. Having to process and pack all of my beloved venison all by myself because..."We just shoot it, and field dress it. You expect us to know what to do with it afterward other than EAT it? We're tired, going for a nap before the evening hunt...have fun Mom/Dear."

Oh ya and the good ole smell of deer scent and cover scents. Deer urine and dirt anyone? Ya buddy, that's what my kitchen and my bedroom yippee skippy, how romantic and appetizing is that?

I normally get myself in the dog house someplace about November 17thish (FYI deer season starts on November 15th) for getting all cranky over the whole deer season thing. Luckily we have an extra home the hunters can go hibernate in (or I can hide) this year, maybe keeping some peace around the main house. It's a nice thought anyways, but I don't see it happening. Actually I've already managed to get in the door of the doghouse by not having bought camo for Ty yet. So instead of my usual blog surfing, online games, and time killers I normally utilize while working, I'm surfing the net looking for camo pants for the boy. He's also put out with me that I won't spend $30 for camo pants. Yes the boy will wear them until they are so threadbare that his boxers are showing, but that's beside the point. It's CAMO! I H.A.T.E. camo. It's ugly, it's gooberish, and well to be quite frank, not necessary IMHO during deer season. Deer are color blind for crying out loud! The deer do not care one iota what your wearing. If they did, they'd fall over laughing at most deer hunters. On top of that, they will be sitting 15 feet in the air...deer aren't going to be looking up there unless you make some really odd noise. Like dropping your Dr Pepper bottle to the ground (opps my bad), sneezing, spilling the box of shells causing a metallic clattering noise (in which case they don't look up, they bolt like someone lit a fire under their ass...and no, that wasn't my bad for once). Anyways back on track, the boy expects camo. Which isn't THAT big of a deal, I'll buy it, just at MY price, which happens to be much less than what Mossy Oak, Remington, and most of the other major manufacturers seem to think it should be.

Ok I guess I'll quit droning on about deer season and it's peculiarities and head back to the web to find some camo at my price, so I can shut my son up and maybe spare myself a headache this up coming week.

I oh, I oh, it's back to Ebay hunting camo I go...

Boxes

2008-11-07T19:34:00.002-06:00

Sometimes people just amaze me. Their line of thinking (and trust me it's a line with some) is so unwavering that when confronted with the idea that throws a kink in it, digesting it is difficult without help. Luckily, I'm not one of them, and can help them out with a visual to make it easier on them.

This morning Daniel wanted to come in town to the coffee shop. He still can't drive and with me sleeping for work and the kids gone to school...well he is going bonkers. He needed some human interaction.

After dropping the kids off to school, we buzzed on down to the cafe'. As normal, the whole usual cast of characters were there at the Liar's Tables, solving the problems of the world. I was happily chatting with a couple of women I know when I got hollered at from across the room....

"HEY Chris! C'mere will ya"

I suspiciously looked over at them and asked "Why?"

"Need to ask you something darlin" (It's ok, known this guy since I was a kid...shoot I went to school with his kids and almost lived at their house for a while LOL)

I looked at Daniel and he smiled and shrugged at me. Oh boy, what could they want? The last few days have been filled with election banter and the like which I had skillfully avoided.

"Chris, are you a farmer or a rancher?"

I looked blankly at the table and went "Huh? Why?"

"Cos we want to know what YOU think you are"

I laughed as I told them, "Well I know what I am, and all of you should too...ya'll have known me just about my entire lifetime"

"Well that's the problem, some of us say your a farmer, some of us say a rancher."

After that they all started telling me WHY they thought I was a farmer or a rancher. Hearing their thoughts on me was quite interesting to say the least. I gotta hand it to the guys though, not a one of them said anything hateful. Ya they love me (or they just waited till I left, but I doubt it with this part of the crew).

I just happened to know that today was delivery day at the cafe, so as the owner swung around with the coffee pot, I asked her if she had the boxes still in the back. She told me they did and I asked her if I could go back and get some and bring them out front for a few minutes. She looked at me quizzically and then told me go for it, I knew where they'd be. I went back to the kitchen and sure enough, there were the boxes. I drug out about 4 boxes of varying sizes and went back out front with them.

"WTH are those for Chris?"

"Shaddup and watch and listen and answer when I ask you a question ok?"

They all looked at Daniel who shrugged and told them he had NO clue what I was doing, I was nuts (thanks hun, I appreciate the support there buddy-o).

I took the smallest box and stepped inside. It was an egg box that just came past my ankles.

"Ok guys, other than being *Chris in a box* any idea what I am?"

I was met with confused and blank stares...

"Ok this is me and my mechanical abilities...I have the basic ideas down, can fix a few things but not my strongest suit. The fact that I DO have basic knowledge of mechanics though, in some ways, doesn't that make me a mechanic?"

One of the guys bit and went "Ya s'pose it does hun."

"Ok but obviously that's not all I am cos that box doesn't even begin to encompass me." With that I wrote mechanic on the side of the box and stepped out of it. I then grabbed a napkin box which is a slight bit bigger and put the egg box inside. Then I stepped inside of both boxes. Now luckily some good friends of mine came in, and they just happen to know I've been around animals enough to have a good base in vetting animals great and small.

"Ok guys, what am I now, other than the obvious?"

My friend said "Self taught animal doctor"

Wasn't quite the answer I was looking for, but since he'd taught me alot about that, I rolled with it.

"Yup that'll work. As all of you know, as long as it doesn't require major surgery, I can handle everything from splinting of a leg to colic, to stitches on an injured animal. While I know quite a little bit about it, I'm still not an expert or I'd put Doc outta business."

With that I put "Wanna be vet" on the outside of the box.

I then grabbed my next box, and repeated the process. That box came up to roughly my hips and when I asked the fellas what that meant, they said "Police dispatcher"

Yup that worked as I explained to them while I don't know everything about it, I'm pretty damn knowledgeable about it and good at it. They agreeed and we moved on...

I took my last box which came up to mid biceps on me and got inside of that after I put the other boxes inside.

The guys spent about two cups of coffee discussing what THIS box was then they piped up:

"Mom"

"Wife"

"Smartass"

"Farmer"

"Rancher"

"computer whiz"

There was a couple others but they started argueing and I didn't catch all of them. I told them all

"Your all right, I'm all of those things to one degree or the other. You guys are all older than me, wiser than me, and have more experience in lots more things than me. I'm learning all the time about these things though, and then some."

"So are you a farmer or rancher Chris?"

"Well right now I'm really neither, but I'm both"

They all looked at me and with some the lightbulb came on and some...well lets just not go there k?

I explained to them I had been both in the past. I loved each and every minute of it as well. Then I told them that we just don't have the room and such for a herd of animals yet so ranching would have to wait a couple of years. Our place isn't well suited for farming either so I don't see that in my near future either. Ya I've farmed, but it's a been awhile back.

that's when it dawned on them. I was both and a whole lot more. As I took the boxes to the back, a discussion ensued about me. I had to run to the bank and Daniel stayed at the cafe. when I picked him up, he put his arm around me and looked at all of them and just said "See ya fellas, she's mine" and out the door we went.

Later on after I got up, I got a phone call from a friend of mine thanking me. I didn't have all my mental facutlites about me yet as I'd only been up about 10 mins so I asked her why.

Her reply was "For teaching those guys at the cafe not to put us in boxes" and told me how her husband had came home talking about that I'd done.

I told her no problem and couldn't help but smile. These guys know people just aren't ONE thing, but then turn around and asked me to put myself in a "box". Maybe one of these day's they'll learn...Don't ask Chris to put herself into a box, she's clausterphobic.

Wasn't far off the mark

2008-11-06T01:55:00.002-06:00

Good thing I didn't list an overly ambitious list of things to do on my days off because I would have been sorely disappointed.

For the most part things went just about like I anticipated. Daniel stuck to me like glue, got some stuff organized, and some other errands done...not too bad I don't suppose. I'm a lil miffed that Daniel INSISTED that we go pay our taxes in person rather than me just write out a check, pop it in an envelope with a stamp and mail the dumb things in. If we'd had to just go to ONE county it wouldn't have been so bad, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, we had to go to TWO different counties in which the county seats are approximately a hour and a half apart. *Sigh* least it's done and over with is all I can say.

I started intensively working with Windwalker the last couple of days. My gosh, all I can say about that is he isn't appreciating it. He's as stubborn as my other half and I suspect it's for the same reason...Testosterone. Slowly but surely he's getting the idea I'M the boss. I'm sure once I get him cut, he'll come around to my way of doing things.

On another testosterone related note, my son got his driver's permit on Tuesday. ACK! Not that it's a bad thing necessarily, just that he has this *thing* about wanting to hang on the outside white line on the road. Makes me extremely nervous soooooo....*evil grin* I've found a solution that works all the way around. Daniel can't drive right now, Ty is faunching to drive, and I'm sick of chauffeuring Daniel around. Not to mention, Ty's driving drives me insane and while I can see what he's doing wrong/needs to change, how to explain it to him eludes me. Daniel is much better at that kind of thing so I've appointed the boy as his driver. :D Not sure what Daniel thinks of it, but Ty and I like the idea and majority rules doesn't it? ;)

On the home organization front, well I accomplished a few things. I managed to get the bulk of the laundry folded, hung up, and put away...including socks. that's a major accomplishment for me as I dislike that particular job with a passion. Then again, I did most of it Tuesday night while I was watching the election results roll in while I sat in the middle of the living room floor LOL. Might as well kill 2 birds with one stone eh? I managed to clear off two counters Sunday and Monday, just for the famdamily to clutter one up completely by tonight before I left for work. Frustrating yes, but I'm not going to kill them just yet. My cabinets are still organized so I can live with a cluttered counter for a few days. I unpacked a couple of boxes, not sure if I like where I chose to put the stuff so it may end up being moved. I'll cross that bridge later when I see how it's working for everyone. If the guys would get the boxes of tools out of my kitchen and off my deck, that would be a great help as well. My microwave is still in the other house due to tools taking up it's piece of real estate on my counter. It's not that big of a deal to me when it comes to making a meal, but it's making a few more dishes than I would have to deal with otherwise.

I had a few opportunities for some great photo's but someone "borrowed" my rechargeable camera batteries. Upon scouring the house I could only find batteries that I had relinquished to the junk drawer for use in remote controls. Hence, not many photo's were taken this weekend. I guess I'm going to have to slip into old habits and keep a stash of batteries that no one but ME knows about. Oh well, a girl's got to do what a girls got to do.

All in all it wasn't a bad weekend. A little more rest and less running would have been nice, but oh well. Soon enough cold weather will be upon us, and that's my built in excuse to NOT go out. Regardless of my northern European lineage, I didn't develop their resiliency or tolerance for the cold. I blame my parents for that since they moved me to a warmer climate as a young child. That's ok though, I kind of like only having a few weeks of extreme cold a year. Just enough snow to remind me why I don't want to move to a more northern latitude, but enough to be reminded of how nice snow can be in small doses.

In a nutshell that was my weekend off. Not very exciting but that's ok...I've had enough excitement this year to last me for the next five years.

Todo's for this week

2008-11-01T04:30:00.002-05:00

I don't know WHO I'm trying to kid, I never get all of the stuff done I post that I'm going to do but what the hey, it's fun to see the discrepency between what actually gets done and what I'd like to have gotten done.

Today I have to work 4 hrs at my other job. Not that it's a big deal, I'm hyped up on leftover Halloween candy and coffee :D. I'll get out of here just shortly after 5:30ish am, and then I'm heading over to Wally world to check out the Halloween clearance. I'm really lacking in Halloween stuff since the fire wiped out my stash so I'm looking forward to this. Plus Chief wasn't able to find ANY chocolate candy so half price Snickers and Reeses are sounding pretty spiffy right now. After that I'll fill my lil truck up with gas and come back to town to go to work. After I get off work I have to go back to Mtn Grove to do some business then head to the house. The remainder of my afternoon will be spent trying to refrain from blowing my stack at Daniel because I just KNOW he's going to be really annoying since I've been working all week. I'm going to put away a few things, maybe order out for supper, and then crash early from sheer exhaustion.

Sunday will include putting more stuff away and orgainizing, trying to shake Daniel off my hind end, and probably getting the kid's pictures taken. Maybe I'll work with the horses some and take some more photo's, not sure

Monday we have a TON of errands to do and grocery shopping. I'm going to attempt to do all of my running on Monday so I don't have to do any on Tuesday. BWAHAHAHAHAHA I'm sure THAT will work but it's a nice idea.

Tuesday will be "stay at home and get shit done day". I'm hoping to be mostly organized by the end of Tuesday afternoon. How successful I am at that will greatly depend on how many times Daniel distracts me with "I'm bored, lets do something fun.".

Wednesday whatever I haven't gotten done that I found I wanted to, I'll do it. If I don't find anything, I'm going to veg out and play my Wii. Oh and sleep for work since I come back Wednesday night.

Well there it is all nice and cut and dry. Now let's see how far I get with it.

I hope all of you have a great week!

Random photo's

2008-11-01T02:09:00.007-05:00

There is no particular order to these, just some photo's of random stuff I've shot the last few weeks around the farm. Oh and family members...I'll let you figure out who's who :).

My thoughts on our F.I.N.E. public school system

2008-10-31T22:13:00.002-05:00

How can I put this most delicately? Sorely disappointing? Almost but doesn't quite hit the mark. Aggravating, oh most definitely in my opinion. Enough to make a Mom want to shake the hell out of them and bitch slap them? YES that's it! That's how I feel about it!

I have been disgruntled with the public school system since my son started school. I had told his deadbeat, lazy sperm donor to leave and not ever return the previous February, and both of my kids were/are really attached to him. Not a big surprise since he's about as mature as they are (and at this point, they are far more mature than he is but I will relent on that point...for now). There were some major issues that arose surrounding visitation and such and for a 5 and 3 yr old they were big deals. So when my son started school, I went in to talk to his kindergarten teacher (which I knew and was NOT impressed with from our previous run ins), and told her about what was going on. What kind of answer did I get? "Eh kids are tougher than you think, he'll be fine. We have kids all the time that their parents are getting divorced." WTF kind of answer is that to give to a 23 yr old Mom that her first child is starting school in the midst of his parent's getting divorced? Needless to say, I was NOT pleased. I bit my tongue as I thought maybe I was being a bit overprotective, and stepped to the sidelines. Then my middle daughter started school, and we had moved and she was not handling it very well. I went in and talked to her teacher and I basically got the same kind of response. NOT what I'm after here people! While I didn't expect the teacher to dote over either of my children, it would have been quite pleasant if they would have said "Ok we understand your concerns, and will keep an eye open for any potential problems we see.". I would have been content with that. Was that REALLY too much to ask? I don't think so. With the 2nd child and the same "UGH ANOTHER overprotective Mommy I have to deal with" attitude I got, I was severely pissed and I went to the principal and superintendent of the school and raised cane. Didn't get very far other than they assured me they would talk to their staff about being more sensitive to what us "parents felt was important" when it came to our kids. Probably didn't help that really TICKED me off and I went off on them for being so damned patronizing in order to get me outta their offices.

Time went on and we got into a school routine which included me being happy to be kidless in the daytime so I could pursue interests I'd had to put on the back burner when the kids were home all the time with me. Then homework started...in 1st grade. Another "WTF" for me, since homework seemed to eat up 2 hrs a night. Wasn't teaching my kids how to properly write their letters, sounds of the letters, numerals and such what I sent my kids to school for? Patience may be a virtue, but it's not a virtue I come by naturally. Hence I am NOT a school teacher for that very reason (plus I'm positive duct taping children's mouths that get out of hand is against the law, and assaulting the parents when they come in to crab about me treating their children like that when it's THEIR fault for letting their kids be mouthy little heathens). I held my tongue again for awhile but when I started hearing BOTH of my kids say "But Mommy, we don't understand HOW to do this, they didn't explain it very well" to me every stinking evening, I got miffed again. Yet again I went up to the school and got some garbage about how they had sooooo much they had to cover in the course of a school year, how parents that are involved had more successful students/kids, and a whole hockey pot of excuses. Then it got kicked up a notch...they informed me they thought that my son had ADD or ADHD. Ok fine I went and got him tested. Yes he had ADD/ADHD. We put him on meds and after some research I figured out that I didn't like the possible side effects they knew about (and when I asked about long term side effects, they couldn't tell me, they didn't know) I pulled him off of them. O.M.G. You'd have thought I walked into the school with an Uzi for the reaction I got when I did that. They raised all kinds of hell with me. I didn't care, I didn't like the zombie my child had become, and the possibilities of what long term side effects the meds could have I didn't like either. They could shove it up their nose for all I cared, I have to take care of these kids as I see fit, not as it makes their lives easier. Yes it put additional strain on me as well, but that was far better than what *could* happen. If you learn what it takes to deal with the child, it's not that bad in reality. The key is just finding that magic combo that works with that child. Well had a repeat of it with Destiny and caught hell for not medicating her as well.

Now that's some (but not all) of my negative experiences/battles with the public school system. Here is the latest one...

Evie (our youngest child, 5 yrs old) started school this year. She's very bright, very active, very opinionated, and VERY tenacious to say the least. Keep in mind this last year has barraged us with bad luck. My uncle died a year ago in September, my beloved Gramma broke her hip, and then passed away in March, our house burnt at the end of March, we've moved 3 times this summer, and Daniel had that ruptured disk in his neck/spine and had his surgery a week and a half ago. To say the least, it's been very stressful on all of us. Now like I said, she started kindergarten and the first couple of days went fine. She loved school and all seemed well. Then all hell broke loose...she didn't want to go to school, I would have to literally drag the child into the building and 2 or 3 teachers would have to drag her to her classroom, daily she was informing everyone how "stupid and boring" school is and how she hates it. Well I just chalked it up to how poorly she sometimes can transition so I kept an eye on it but just let it ride. Then the calls started. Seems our darling youngest child is/was noshing on ANYTHING she can get into her mouth. UUUUGGGGGHHHHHH This is something she's always had a propensity for since she had been able to coordinate her hand to her mouth. I've talked to our Dr about it but it's not that unusual for kids to do that sort of thing, and we ruled out a nutritional deficiency so it came down to us taking extra precautions and keeping an eagle eye on her. In time it seemed to pass, until now. the school nurse called halfway freaking out and I tried explaining to her Evie has always been a chewer, stress seems to make it worse, ect. Apparently since I wasn't freaking out, she kept on her lil soapbox trying to get me to freak out. Didn't work, but I did tell her that I would get ahold of our Dr and speak to him about it. Well a few days later Daniel got a call....Evie couldn't come back to school until she was seen by a Dr about this. WTFH? I was LIVID! He was slated to go into surgery the following Wednesday and I was in the middle of moving. I don't need this shit right now. I was working on Dr's appts and such, and they knew that. Oh I'm still pissed about it in fact. Not to mention that she still hates school saying it's stupid and boring...now is it me or is that just a tad weird for kindergarten? She's already bored a quarter of the way through the school year...her FIRST school year?!? Something is not right with this picture, as it's not right them strong arming me to do something faster I was already doing. The excuse I got for them not wanting her in school? "We're scared she's going to choke or eat something that's going to perforate her insides" OH WTF EVER....First of all, working with kids, they ought to know pediatric basic first aid procedures. Second of all, ok the kid has a problem, keep an eye on her and make concessions about it, they can do it for everybody else's kid that smoked/shot up dope and drank like fish while that child was in uetro, why not mine? Third of all, they are a branch of a governmental agency...they of all people should know, things don't get fixed overnight, it takes some time. Fourth of all, kids are kids and some kids just do this kind of stuff for whatever reason. Needless to say, I'm really put out with them and have been for a very long time.

My middle daughter dislikes school as well. She's what I term an "old soul". Her interests don't lie in things that most 13 yr old girls like. She's not into sports, could careless about lots of the trendy clothes and stuff. She's more into practical stuff, she's kind, likes helping out, just an overall good kid. Which means she catches alot of crap at school. I've talked to the school about it and they don't seem to take me very seriously about it. I just try to encourage her to be who she is and convince her that what other's think doesn't matter. Which is a lie in 6th grade, what people think does matter cos if they don't think well of you, your tormented every single day.

All in all I'm sick and tired of the schools bullshit. I realize they have alot of mandates floating over them they have to adhere to, and they have to teach to the test or risk loosing their jobs. They don't have an easy job that's for sure, but on the other hand, my job isn't easy either. I have to deal with crap that they would flee bawling from. I'm a police/fire dispatcher for Pete's sake. Do I go in whining and crying to them how rough my job is? NO. There's no point in it. Sorry if you call and wake me up at 11am to tell me Evie just tried to eat a crayon again and I don't get all fired up about it. I'm frickin exhaused from working 6pm to 6am, and dealing with drunks, dopeheads, idiots in general to ensure you and your families safety. So EXCUSE ME if I'm not overly excited about my child chewing up a purple crayon. They pay their taxes to ensure they have police/fire protection, which in turn provides me with a job and them with peace of mind we have their backs in the event of an emergency. I pay my taxes, I support the school in anyway I can, so ya know what? I expect the same respect. Not the condesending attitude I get for not getting all fired up about what they think I ought to get all hyped up about. It's for that very reason I've pretty well decided to pull my girls out of public school. I'm fed up with the bullshit. I am educated and intelligent and capable of teaching my children. Now I'm catching flack for wanting to pull them out. Not only from the school (which I expected, I pull my kids out, they loose state $$) but from people in general. Everything from them not getting socialized to they won't have a well rounded education. Excuse me, but it's not like they will be living in a bubble, and who says I want them socialized like they are getting? Ya I want my girls to learn it's ok to be mean and catty to people that aren't like them, that it's cool to be irresponsible, backtalking smartass lil punks. Ooooooo ya that's what I want MY girls picking up. NOT! As for a well rounded education hmpfh. These people wouldn't know a linear equation from a compound fraction so they can bite me. I think I'm more than qualified to teach my children what they need to know. I'm more concerned they learn how to learn and research things, and formulate an educated opinion than them memorizing a bunch of dates and useless information to make them "look" smart. I mean c'mon, when was the last time you needed to know what year Columbus landed in North America? On the other hand, when was the last time you needed to know how to look up a zip code, or telephone number? I rest my case and will step of my soapbox for the time being...

Blathering on

2008-10-30T00:50:00.004-05:00

Shoot I did it again! Almost two weeks has passed and no entry. I give up trying to be better about it. I'll just post as I get the chance.

Fall has finally arrived here in south central Missouri. The night time temperatures are dipping into the 30's ( the high 20's a couple of nights), and the trees are really amping up for a wonderful fall display of color. I'm such a lucky girl to get drive home every day and see just magnificent they are. On my way to and from town, I have to drive through a portion of the Mark Twain National forest. It's also pretty hilly terrain so I get some spectacular views of the tree line in the distance. EVERY DAY I get this treat! While I'm a bit apprehensive about having to drive this stretch this winter (I live on the other side of a hill/hollow called Big Holler Hill, which is somewhat of an understatement in my humble opinion) right now I am enjoying that 5-6 mile drive to town. I've lived in this area the greatest majority of my life, but never on the south side of town. I always lived on the north side and while hilly, not nearly as hilly as the south side of town. Keep in mind when I say north, south, east, and west sides of town, I'm actually talking about the rural area outside of town. It's been years since I actually lived *in* town for very long (outside of the few months while we were deciding on what to do after the fire in March). I hated living in town, made my clausterfobia rage. Think of any woman in your life you know and then think of the one with the worst PMS. Ok now that you have her in mind, imagine that intensified about 20 times over, and that's me living in town. It's not pleasant. I'm not a good town dweller. I admit there are a few perks but not near enough to make me even begin to want to live in town. I'm happy on our small 41 acres 5-6 miles out of town on the other side of the hill that I'm sure I'll be cursing in a couple of months. Only things I can think of right now that would make me happier would be: winning enough in the lottery (or however else) that I could afford to quit work and not worry about it, being able to not have to come to town every day unless I just wanted to, being able to buy out all (or most) of my neighbors properties for the acreage to start a cattle ranch (Hey they could live in their houses, I just want their pastures and woods LOL), and to homeschool my kids. I don't see ANY of that happening for awhile (except for the homeschooling thing, but that's another post/vent all together). Overall though, I'm pretty satisfied with what we have. I have pretty good kids (most of the time), my stock and pets (which are what at the moment, it's kind of hard to draw a line for me), heat, food, and a roof over my head. Oh and my pickup truck. Can't forget my lil S-10 *beaming grin*. Ok so it's pretty worthless for most farm work as it's only a 4 cylinder and has some puny ass springs in the back, but it's gas effiecient, has my Pioneer stereo in it :D, and is small enough that I have a valid excuse NOT to take the kids with me to town if I don't want to. Soon I'll find a bigger truck for hauling more than 300lbs of feed, hay, supplies, whatever I need, and that I can shove all the kids into. Ya go ahead, call me a redneck or hick, I don't care. Actually I'd consider it a complement. Do me a few favors though, do NOT call me a hillbilly (that just pisses me off because of the idea they are ignorant, uneducated, bassackward folks that are perplexed by modern society... plus there are a few people/families in the area that ARE hillbillies and I want NO connection to them), and don't start picturing me with missing teeth (ewww), the frumpy apron/dress wearing work boots(double ewww), the hair in rollers (EWWWWWWWWWWW) or any of that jazz. If you need a graphic of what NOT to picture, here's a good one:

You start comparing me to that, thoughts of mean things to do to you start racing through my mind. Don't make me go there, it's a murky place, and I can come up with some pretty scary stuff (I scare my co-workers if THAT tells you anything. Have I mentioned they are all men and police officers?)

Anyways, things have been busy at home. Got partially moved into the bigger house, Daniel had his surgery, dealing with school issues with the younger girls, and trying to keep up with all the "normal" household stuff...oh and trying to avoid all the election crap that they are spewing at us. Only good thing about the election being days away is the drop in gas prices.

I shall post pictures in another post as this one is getting pretty long. I'll see ya'll in a lil while with pics and a new post.

TWO WEEKS?!? and much more...

2008-10-14T22:53:00.002-05:00

Oh geez, until my last post, it had been two weeks since I last posted! Hate it when I do that. See told you I was random & frazzled LOL.

Actually it's been kinda busy the last two weeks. With what, well I can't totally remember it all, but it's been busy.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I'm just about done getting the big house ready to move into. I have the kid's bathroom (Heaven's help me), the living room (got to defunk it as the boys have been crashing in there since I threatened their existence if they buggered up the carpet in the girls's room), the hallway (easy peasy), and the kitchen (again, Heaven's help me). I could have gotten the kid's bathroom, living room, and hallway done, but I reiterate, the boys have been staying in the big house...it would have been futile. I didn't really want to have to have done it twice and then had to find hiding places for bodies (I'm joking on that btw, don't get yer panties in a bundle). This weekend while I'm off (Thursday thru Monday noonish) I'll finish those rooms and start moving everything in. I CAN NOT WAIT! Since we moved at the end of August I have had to look behind me to make sure no one is there when I go to back up or I risk having them up my backside. Love them all but it's been grinding on that last nerve I have left to put it mildly. I'll still have a houseful, but at least I'll have the younger girls in a bedroom and not camping in my living room floor so at night I can have some "me" time on the computer with my other girls.

My *girls* are my lifeline, friends, confidants, company at work, company while I work at home (drilling), cyber family, oh I can't even begin to list all that they are to me. Where me and my sanity would be without them, I hate to begin to think of the possibilities. We share stories, success's, failures, hopes, dreams, help each other through whatever we all are facing right then. We are each other's safety nets I think. When we don't have anyone else we can turn to, we can turn to each other via our IM's, or text messaging or even a phone call. It's so wonderful the way we all "click" together. So different in so many different ways, but so alike in many other ways. We have so much fun together, it's just wonderful to have a bunch of girlfriends like them. I'm glad they've got my back and proud that they give me the honor of calling them "friends".

Back on topic, I didn't dare clean up those key areas of the house with the boys staying over there. Gary's not so bad, he pretty well tidies up after himself. Ty though, oh my...he must have inherited his Dad's habits. Stuff everywhere, where it lands is where it lays, ya it's bad. I know he's a teenager and all but OY. Without me in there to supervise no way I'm going through the hours of work to have it all spit shine cleaned and go to move in and WHAMMO! Glasses, wrappers, stuff tracked in on the carpet, clothes strewn about, old school papers laying about, no don't think so. Just can't do it, and I won't do it.

My basic plan is to get the little bit of construction debris out of the kid's bathtub (plastic we used to cover things, and various items) and thoroughly scrub it, the sink, cabinet and sink since I'm sure there's a veil of sheet rock dust covering it, and I don't think I cleaned anything but the toilet and sink when I did the initial cleaning. That's my first project tomorrow after I get the kids off to school on Thursday morning (possibly today, depends on how tired I am after I get off work). I figure it'll be a good hard hour of work in there.

Then I'll move on to the hallway which as I mentioned will be easy peasy. There are a few spots on the walls that need to be wiped off, it needs to be swept and the edges vacuumed where there is a crack between the wall and the laminate flooring (don't have the trim up yet...I need to polyurethane it yet) and scrub up where I might have gotten a little paint on the front of the furnace. I figure it'll take about 45 minutes to finish the hallway out.

After that I'll skip the living room for the time being and move on to the kitchen. The counters are littered with various and sundry items and the few things I've picked up for the new house have gotten crammed into cabinets during various stages of renovation (thank you Dear for your cramming tendencies GRRRRR). First thing I'll do is get all the crap off the floor so I'm not ramming my toes into it or stumbling over it. Next I'll set up my folding table in the living room and start clearing out cabinets and clearing off counters wiping things down as needed. I'll quickly rewipe down the inside of the cabinets after that. By the time I'm done wiping inside all of the cabinets, the first ones I did should be dry so I can put paper or shelf liner down. After I do that I'll scan the inside of the fridge/freezer and see if they have gotten gunked up since I first cleaned them and if the shelves need cleaning pull them out and put them in my bathtub to soak clean. I have trim in the living room that I need to remove paint from (ya we're sloppy painters) so as I need a break from the kitchen work I'll do that. I can't work too long with the Goo Gone because the fumes give me killer headaches. Anyways, back to the kitchen work... While the fridge stuff is soaking, I'll sweep the debris off the kitchen floor and vacuum around the edges of the laminate (there again, trim isn't up because I haven't polyurethaned it yet) Next I'll work on sorting the stuff out on my folding table. Cleaning it up as needed, and finding a home for it where it belongs. After I clean up everything off the table, I'll scrub my kitchen sink (ya it's paint spattered to high heaven since that's where I cleaned all my rollers and brushes), and give the counters and appliances one final wiping down. I took the shelves down in the laundry room area so at some point me or the boys will put those back up after I clean them up. If the boys put the shelves up for me, I'll wash the windows and the glass fronts cabinet doors down while they are putting them back up. A quick wipe down of the fridge and cleaning and rinsing of the shelves and VIOLA, kitchen will be move in ready. This is going to be the job that's going to take a half day or better. That's the closest guess I'm going to venture for a time estimate on that one LOL.

Onward to the living room. Actually it's not that bad (unless something happens between last Sunday when I was in there and Friday or Saturday when I get in there). First of all I'll wipe down the ceiling fan again as I'm positive it's covered in sheet rock dust. After that, I'll hit the few paint spatters that remain in the living room, and wash down the walls to remove the last of the sheet rock dust on the wainscoting and trim. After that will come moving the few things out of my way in the floor (the boy's mattresses, tv, vcr, odds & ends) out of the way and I'll vacuum the carpet and around the edges of the walls.

After all that the fun will begin...MOVING! This is the part the kids are going to H.A.T.E. While I'm putting things away, they can packing stuff over from the other house. The wonderful advantages of being the Mom LOL. In all seriousness though, I need more Indians and no co chief's in this show. Just for the mere fact... I'm picky, and it's my house so therefore I have that right.

That's my goals for my days off and to be honest...WHEW, I'm exhausted just by typing it all out. I think I may get a head start and do either the kid's bathroom or the hallway this morning when I get home...or I might just go to bed since this blog has exhausted me. I might just go and measure out how much trim I need for sure and make sure I have enough stained and polyurethaned so the boys can get it put up over the weekend. Nah, think I'll just go to bed, I'm worn out from typing this.

2008-10-14T20:29:00.002-05:00

Well this week has been definately random and frazzled. Shoot I'm sitting here trying to remember what I did on my 4 days off and can think of 4 things...I know I did a whole lot more than 4 things LOL. I guess I'll just start with my first day off and go through them other 4 that way as well. It might just jog my memory.

Wednesday: Went home from work, got kids off to school, got stuff out of the freezer for supper, threw a load of laundry in the washer (funny that I remember that huh?), took a nap until about 1:30, called my Mom cos the kids wanted to go see their uncle who just got home (I'll explain that in a lil bit), did some more laundry, messed with my horses, mentally groaned at the state of my house (it was a wreck), talked to Gary, did chores outside, made biscuits to take to Mom's for supper with Destiny's help, went in town to pick up the rest of the kids, and went to my Moms. Made supper over there, cleaned up, Mom drove me nuts, gathered kids and went home, did homework with kids, got them cleaned up and into bed, showered, then collapsed into bed.

Thursday: Butt crack 'o dawn crawled out of bed, restarted laundry, got kids up and around for school, threw them out of house for school, remembered I'd TOTALLY forgotten to send Evie's lunch with her and forgotten to get snacks for her class that day, hung laundry on line, staked horses out in yard to mow for me :D, got dressed and headed to town. Went and got Evie's snacks and dropped off those to the school along with her lunch,stopped my my Moms and she bent my ear some more & and picked up my lil brother to take him to go see his probation/parole officer (part of explaination mentioned above during Wednesday), took him to his probation/parole appt, ran to Wal-Mart while he was busy there, took a short nap in the car waiting for him, took him home, got home about 11:30am and Gary was home and needed to go see his probation officer (yes where I had just came from with my lil brother), cursed him mentally for not answering my earlier text if he needed a ride over and rebooted laundry again, took him over to see his probation officer, took a nap while waiting for him to get done, got home about 1:00, went to the other house to measure out the stripes and painted the first coat of the stripes on the wall that we had to tear out due to the siding leaking, cleaned up some of the paint spatters on the trim in my bedroom, made a list of stuff to do over there, hung out and played with kids after school some, made dinner and chatted with Daniel about stuff we need to do and upcoming improvements on the farm, more laundry, baths, bedtime stuff, collapsed into bed.

Friday: Up at the butt crack o' dawn again, kids ready and off to school, got ready to go to work at DG, worked from 8-12pm, did a few errands in town, went home, started some more laundry and folded a bit of laundry, took some sinus meds and my back meds, played some Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, meds made me sleepy so took a nap till 4pm, picked up some walnuts out of the yard, cleaned up some more trim from the other house, helped Daniel with a few things outside, made supper and ate, hung out with Evie and Daniel, gave Evie her bath, did some general housework, played some more Legend of Zelda while Evie "helped" then she crashed and I went to bed.

Saturday: Slept in till 6:30am WOOT, stripped the kid's beds (they were gone) and washed the sheets, hung up laundry, did 3 more loads of laundry and hung those out, went out and checked on my animals and messed with them about an hour, got Evie dressed and fed for the morning, went outside and picked up walnuts, got stuff out of the freezer for meals for the weekend, loaded walnuts in the pick up to go sell them, sat at the walnut shellers for 5 hrs in line, sold the walnuts, went home and babysat the Grandson until 11pmish, and we all watched movies until Tangie picked up the lil monkey and we all went to bed.

Sunday: Slept in, took bale spike over to one of our friends houses, picked apples out of their orchard, went home, went next door to work and got all the bedrooms cleaned up and ready to move into :D, played outside with Evie a bit and we went and played some video games, then I took my nap for work, got up and got ready for work and came to work.

WHEW, ya that was my weekend off for the most part. I know I did more than that, but I've forgotten it at this point.

Now as for the deal with my lil brother. He has been in prison for ahwhile now (I want to say 2 yrs but won't swear to it at this point) and last Tuesday he got released. My Mom spent 14 hrs on Tuesday to go get him, and get him home. She was udderly exhausted on Wednesday (her day off during the week) and my kids wanted to go visit my brother and Mom. Mom was just way to exhausted and stressed to handle the two oldest ones overnight so I took them over there. I also didn't want to tire her out even more by her feeling like she had to cook supper for everyone, so I made biscuits at my house (Mom doesn't have an oven that works), and took over sausage for gravy. Everyone had a good visit and like always my Mom drove me buggy (it's just her way of showing me love I guess). Like I mentioned she was just exhausted from the long day the day before and not sleeping well so I offered to take my brother to see his probation/parole officer since I had to take Gary anyways. The next morning Mom, worried that my brother was already starting to contact his old buddies, bent my ear in her way venting about it and her worries he's going to go back to the institution because of violating his parole conditions. I tried to help her figure out some ways for her to address some issues with my brother that she's afraid that she's going blow up about and address in a less than productive way. I don't know how this whole thing with him being back is going to work out, but I guess over time I'll see. Lord help us all. I'm sure we'll need it.

Ghosts IV

2008-09-29T01:18:00.003-05:00

Jason and I grew closer and closer throughout the spring and summer. We did all the things boyfriends and girlfriends did in our small town. We went to each other's practices, dances, and various "functions" (he was in football, I was in track, band, and art club), to the movies, hung out at Toni and his house, and so on and so forth. I loved being with his entire family. Their Mom became my 2nd Mom, making sure I was doing well in school, practicing my flute (which was easy since Toni and I both played the flute), and making sure I stayed in line. Time passed in a happy blur for me, with Jason beside me. They had started attending a new church sometime that summer. I didn't pay too much attention to it at first. I did notice that some things changed around their house like all movies that were deemed "immoral or inappropriate" were gotten rid of and we were forbidden to rent such movies, swearing ceased, and there were multiple Bible studies during the week. I went to church with them a few times, and it seemed like a nice church but a little strange to me as I'm Lutheran, and they were going to a Jehovah's Witness church.

One Sunday afternoon I went over to their house after I had gotten out of church. Their Mom met me at the door with a pained look on her face and I immediately panicked thinking something was wrong with someone. She assured me that everyone was ok, and told me to come in, that all of us needed to have a "talk". She was so serious it scared me, but I reluctantly followed her into the kitchen where everyone was gathered around the kitchen table. Jason was slumped over with his head on the table and his Mom went to stand behind him. Their Dad was sitting next to him with his hand on Jason's back. Toni was sitting across from them patting the chair next to her for me to sit in. I slowly crept towards the chair, a ball forming in the pit of my stomach as I sat down. As I sat across from Jason he slowly raised his head and he had been crying. His eyes were all red and poofy, his cheeks wet and red, and he looked utterly miserable. He looked at his parents and then looked back to me muttering "I can't do it...Mom, Dad...PLEASE...I just can't do it, it hurts to bad." I started to ask what was going on when his Dad started to explain:

"Chris, today as a family we decided to become official members of the Jehovah's Witness congregation."

"Oh that's great, I'm glad you finally found a church that you all like and are into...but if your so gung ho about it, why is Jason so upset? Jason, what's wrong...tell me...you can tell me anything, you know that."

Jason and Toni's Mom continued...

"Sweetheart, you've been to church with us, what do YOU think of it?"

"Ummm the people were nice, some of the church's teachings are strange to me, but I'm a Lutheran, why?"

"So you have no interest in converting to our church?"

"NO, I love my church and religion...Why would I want to convert?"

Jason started sobbing at that point.

I eyeballed all of them suspiciously, and asked Toni what was going on, and why was I being asked if I wanted to convert.

Toni looked at her parents for direction and again their Mom picked up the ball.

"Chris, you know we all adore you honey, especially Jason..."

"Ya I know, and I love all of you too...Mom what's going on?!?"

She let out a deep pained sigh and continued...

"Well one of our beliefs is that a boy or girl shouldn't date until they are ready to get married and are looking for a future spouse. Do you realize what the means?"

My stomach fell to my toes and my heart felt like someone was ripping it out of my chest as I answered...

"OH...yea I understand that belief, Toni and I have talked about that before. So Jason and I can't go out anymore?" I choked out the words in disbelief.

Toni grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze as I tried not to cry over loosing Jason. I looked at her and she told me...

"That's what's wrong with Jason, he's been like this ever since Mom and Dad finished formally joining the church. I'm so sorry Chris, I know it hurts. C'mon, lets go to my room, I know you don't like to cry around people." Toni got up and put her arms around me trying to hug me and get me to stand up out of my chair all at once. I accepted her hug but refused to budge out of my seat. This was complete lunacy in my mind. What kind of religion caused it's followers pain in their lives in any way? The questions reeled through my young mind as I started asking questions. What I asked I can't exactly recall, but their parents answered all of them with complete conviction. The only question I remember asking them was if that is why they had asked me if I had any interest in converting to their new church. They told me yes it was, that they hated that Jason and I had to break up as they thought we were made for one another, and they apologized for having to do it.

Jason looked up at me totally distraught. He looked like he was being torn in two looking between his family and me. About twenty seconds was all of that I could take and I ran past them, down the garage stairs and outside.

I crawled into the bed of the El Camino Jason had been restoring for when he got his drivers license. I cried...bitter, hot, heartbroken teenage tears. Toni came out and found me by listening to my sobs. She climbed into the back of the Cammy with me and put her arms around me and I just sobbed how unfair it was. I cried until I ran out of tears in her arms. I sat there staring at the stars, wondering how long it would take for them to break way from that wretched church and Jason and I could get back together. Mom came out to check on us occasionally and Toni went inside to get us some Dr Peppers at some point. When Toni left I climbed out of the back of the El Camino and into the front seat. Sometime while I was sobbing in the back, Jason had came out and gotten in the Cammy. As I slid into the passenger seat, I looked up and there he was, still crying.

"Chris, I'm so sorry...I didn't want it to end this way, I don't want it to end at all."

"Jason...Why? I'm not asking you to choose me over God, but you were happy going to the Christian church, and while you were there we could be together...What happened?"

Anger slowly crept over Jason's face amongst the tears as he slammed his fist against the steering wheel.

"Don't you get it? Dad is the head of the household, I have no choice! Mom has no choice. Toni has no choice. If Dad wants us to join this church we HAVE to join as well!" he screamed at me.

"Ok ok I get it, I understand, but, but, but I hate it. I just absolutely HATE it! I love you, I don't want to let you go! PLEASE Jason there has to be some way, some how...Hold me Jason, just this once, I need you...someone...please" I whispered pleading with Jason still crying.

We slid over at the same time and I collapsed in his arms. As I slumped against his chest, I saw his parents out the window, his Dad starting towards the car and Mom grabbing his arm pulling him back. As he looked back at her, she shook her head at him and I saw her say something to him and he stopped stepping back beside her, staring at us in the car.

I don't know how long we spent in the car just holding one another, each of us crying but at some point Mom came to the car and knocked on the window. Jason rolled down the window and she motioned for us to get out of the car. Very reluctantly we got out of the car and she told me that my Dad was on his way to get me.

Toni stepped up from behind me and guided me to the porch from the side yard. We sat in silence, my head on her shoulder, crying. Shortly afterwards, Mom came outside and Jason was trailing behind her.

"Chris, it'll be a few minutes before your Dad is here. I think both you and Jason need to say your good-byes sweetheart, but I have to stay out here with you."

I stuttered "Ok" and Jason stepped around his Mom and gathered me in his arms. I grabbed him violently as if my life depended on it and he clutched me back. His cologne, the fabric softener, the softness of his shirt, the buttons pressing into my cheek, his strong arms wrapped around me, the cool breeze wrapping around us and rustling the leaves on the ground. We stood there, tightly wrapped in each other's arms as time stood still.

Soon I heard a truck pull up to the curb and whispers from that general direction. Shortly afterwards I heard my Dad...

"Jason, I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but you have to let go, I have it from here. Take care son."

"Take care of her, PLEASE...take good good care of her sir."

"I will, I promise, I always do." my Dad reassured Jason as he gathered me from Jason's arms and I fell against him fresh sobs starting.

"Daddy, oh Daddy...." and my voice trailed off...

Dad smoothed my ruffled hair and picked me up like when I was little girl...

"I know, broken hearts hurt more than broken bones...lets go for a ride sis."

Dad carried me to his truck and Toni opened the door for him. He sat me in the truck seat, and shut the door. I heard Toni asking Dad to take care of me and he reassured her he would, and he thanked their parents for calling him and postponing this until he was going to be home.

As Dad got into the truck he asked me if there was anyplace I wanted to go. Still crying I wasn't able to answer him as he dragged his box of Kleenex out from behind the seat, but I shook my head no. I sat there, snotty and drippy, staring at Jason out the window of my Dad's truck. He looked as devastated and hopeless as I felt.

Dad drove north out of town, the town whizzing past. He handed me a cold Dr Pepper, and turned on the radio. I leaned over on Daddy's shoulder, fighting back the tears as I tried sipping my pop. Dad stopped at a convenience store on the way out of town and called Mom to let her know I was with him and we'd be a while before we were home.

Dad drove out to his farm and pulled into the parking lot adjoining the gate facing the cemetery.

"I bet you wish you were out there with them huh?" he asked me nodding his head towards the headstones across the road.

I shrugged and cuddled up to him as the evening was getting rather cool. He wrapped his jacket around me and his arm around my shoulders.

"God, it was so much easier when you were 5. McDonald's and an ice cream cone made anything, any boo boo, any disappointment or heartbreak all better. I wish I knew what it would take to make this all better, but I don't. Time is the only thing that can do that, and I can't speed time up." As he finished, Dad let out a sigh that made me realize that he'd been where I was, even if it was years ago.

I eventually cried myself to sleep with Daddy holding me. When I woke up, Daddy was carrying me into the house. He gently roused me enough to get my pajamas on and get ready for bed. I crawled into my bed, and popped a couple of tapes into my stereo and as Peter Cetera sang, I cried into my pillow. Soon I felt someone sit on the edge of my bed, stroke my hair, and pull my covers up.

"I'm so sorry baby, love hurts, but it fades with time, I just hope it's fast for you..." his voice trailed off as I heard Mom walk away from my door muttering...

"For Christ's sake, she's 13, she has no earthly idea what heartbreak is..." her voice irritated and trailing off as she stomped down the hallway.

A kiss to the top of my head, and he left as swiftly as he came in...then the yelling began...again...and I turned my stereo up, praying to God to end it all, by whatever means he felt necessary, and reciting my standby bedtime prayer...

"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
Amen"

... and sometime drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Ghosts part III

2008-09-28T22:49:00.006-05:00

I never expected my unexpected outburst in the car that afternoon to lead to a domino like chain of events in my relationship with my Mom. While normally cool towards me, my Mom's attitude towards me slowly over time got worse. I was expected to be home when she wanted or needed me there, which was namely when she worked, then vanish when I was inconvenient to her. As a 12 yr old, that was fine with me, I preferred to be with my friends or at work anyways. A long time friend of my parents needed someone to clean his house and help around the ranch a few hours a week. Luckily he had came over for dinner and I overheard their conversation as I came in from working outside. We talked a bit, and I had a job.

Now when Dad came in off the truck and was home for a few days, things were completely different then when he was gone. I was either at work, school or with Dad. That's just the way it was and I was so happy during those times. Didn't matter that I was working my hind end off when I was with my Dad around the trailer court him and Mom owned, all that mattered was I was with my Dad. Mom showed some interest in me too when he was home, but Dad after a few months felt the change between the two of us. He asked me a few times what was going on and I flat told him I was tired of Mom coddling my little brother. Dad understood totally and it was left at that.

When Dad wasn't home, I feel into an uneasy routine. On the days my Mom worked, I went to school, came home, watched my brother, if I had to work out at the ranch my boss would come and get both me and my brother and I'd go to work. On the days Mom didn't work, I'd come home, dump my school stuff, and head to my best friend Toni's house. On weekends, I'd clean house all morning while I was watching my brother, then when Mom got home or I finished cleaning, I'd head out to Toni's house.

When I wasn't at school, home, or work, I was hanging out with my best friend Toni at her house. We basically did 12 yr old kid stuff like playing video games, talking about anything and everything, going to the pool, hanging out and playing with the other neighborhood kids, walking around town exploring, listening to music, watching movies, and bugging her older brother Jason. For Toni it was just the sisterly thing to do bugging him, for me, he was HOT and I really liked him ALOT. He was two years our senior and a football player...oh goodness, me oh my. I guess he liked me too because we started "going out" that spring. Well off and on we did...there was another neighborhood girl me and Toni's age that he kept breaking up with me to "go out" with. She was a poor girl as her Mom was disabled and Jason kept telling me it was because he felt sorry for her. Being naive, I totally believed him, and would go back out with him.

This went on all school year long and at the end of Christmas break I FINALLY figured out what was going on. I had spent the night at Toni's and us girls slept in the living room as Toni's room was REALLY small. Jason, Toni, and I had stayed up late watching movies and Toni fell asleep sometime during "Top Gun". After she fell asleep, Jason crawled off the couch and into my sleeping bag on the floor. We laid there snuggling and making out as the movie played on. One thing led to another and next thing I know Jason is dragging me to his bedroom going "SHHHHHHHHHHH". Teenage hormones ruled the next half an hour, and my virginity took a hike out the window. Afterwards I was in the kitchen finding something to drink, and Jason snuck in behind me. He grabbed me around the waist and whispered in my ear "THAT'S why I kept breaking up with you to go out with Tina. I think I might be falling for you. I couldn't cheat on you with her so I'd just break up with you rather than destroy your trust in me and hurt you worse by cheating." At first I was madder than hell at him for letting his libido rule but when I turned around to drag him into the garage to yell at him, I couldn't. The earnest look on his face led me to believe him wholeheartedly, there was no way I could be mad at him. So I led him down into the garage and into the laundry room to talk to him about it a little more without waking his family. We talked, he explained a little further, and after making amends and him vowing that he wouldn't do it again we *made up* by having much better sex.

That was the end of it, I was in love for the first time in my life.

Fluid check by a blonde

2008-09-27T21:57:00.006-05:00

Poor Katie, she gets so much ribbing for my family's entertainment, but this is a classic example of why...

Katie's left turn signal bulb burnt out awhile back, and so when she went to use it, the light on the dash was going really fast. Since Daniel and I were gone she asked Gary about it (which was her 1st mistake), to which she got this answer...

"Well shit, I betcha your blinker fluid is low, and we're all out"

"Aw man, well today while I'm in town, I'll have K help me with it, he's got every known vehicle fluid there is"

"Ok well make sure you don't forget, k Katie"

"Ok"

7 hrs later, Katie comes in the door....

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Daniel and I look at one another going "WTH? What's going on now?"

"I'm gonna strangle him, UGH!" and off goes the 16 yr old blonde cheerleader in search of her 28 yr old stepbrother.

Ty is laughing his ass off as he comes in the door....

"Katie's mad...."

"Ya we noticed, why this time?"

"Blinker fluid"

Daniel and I looked at each other and at the same time "WTH is blinker fluid"

Katie came stomping up the stairs "I HATE Gary right now"

Me "Katie...What's blinker fluid"

Katie "ARGH, well apparently it's something that's NOT under the hood of MY car"

Daniel, laughing his ass off and me and Ty following suit....

Katie "You all are mean, and mean people suck, you shouldn't make fun of me just cos I'm dumb you know"

Me "Katie, we're laughing WITH you, not at you and we're not making fun of you for being dumb"

Katie "Shaddup" and stomps to her room

Apparently what happened was Katie was trying to be all "damsel in distress, help me help me" with her boyfried at the time and asked him to check her blinker fluid while all the teenyboppers were hanging out at the park. Everyone else knew that there was no such thing as blinker fluid BUT Katie. So she's digging in the back of her boyfriends truck toolbox looking for blinker fluid while they are dying of laughter at her.

Poor kid...I almost feel bad for her....ALMOST

Of MRSA and Men...and the rest of my "weekend"

2008-09-25T09:52:00.003-05:00

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, ok thanks, had to get that outta my system. This has been the week of illness and pain around our lovely little farm. This is the part I HATE about the kids going back to school. They not only bring home homework, and the occasional progress report or cute project, but also every conceiveable known illness going around.

First of all, last week our oldest step child (long story, I'll explain later when I'm back to work and have a higher speed connection as well as more time K), got what appeared to be a nasty spider bite. Well the bite didn't look so bad, but it morphed into this HUGE pimple looking thing. I swear it was every bit of 2 inches in diameter, and all red and poofy. Well I've had spider bites do that and when I squished them, they popped like a zit, I slathered some Bactroban on them and covered with gauze and all was good. So I shared my "cure" with Gary, and he promptly did so...only to make it worse. By a week later on Monday, it was EWWWW. The good part was that the swelling and redness had gone down. The bad part is/was it had morphed into a 3 inch in diameter raw oozing sore. What's even worse? Gary is 28, and no health coverage and we are so broke that financially embarrassed doesn't even BEGIN to cover it. Well I called the health department and thank goodness I did. In Mtn View (the one in Missouri, not in Arkansas), on Monday nights from 7-9pm they have a FREE health clinic for the uninsured. WOOT I was estatic because I was fearful that Gary had staph infection in that wound. Long story short, he got home at 10:30 that night telling me, "They said it was something called Marsa, and to do blah blah blah blah, and gave me some kind of antibiotics or some shit.". "Uh Gary, do you mean MRSA?" "YEAH, THAT'S what they said. Guess you've heard of it huh?" "Um ya, now and I mean RIGHT NOW, go get all your laundry and put it in front of the washer...I mean EVERYTHING from socks to towels you've used in the last 10 days." "Oooook, why? Oh ya they said it was highly infectious." "Yeah, it is and if left unchecked I could have people with limbs falling off, clothes, in front of washer NOW!" "Right after I take my meds ok?" "Ya ok fine, I'll get the water going just dump the laundry in" So that's been a battle we've been fighting all week thus far. Good news is, Gary's leg is looking a whole lot better, though he's crabbing that he's tired all the time and since he's roofing this week, it's irratating. Oh well, better than having your leg fall off isn't it?

Tuesday, Destiny awoke me telling me her side and stomach hurt, and since it was 5:50am I told her to go back to bed. She stayed home from school, and by the next morning was none worse for wear. YAY

Wednesday, Daniel wakes me up at 6:30am telling me Katie's staying home, her stomach is bothering her. Grrrrr, I was SOOOO looking forward to having the house to myself for a couple of days while I was off. Then Destiny came in telling me Ty's stomach was acting up too. ARGH! Great, first MRSA, now the stomach flu...how great is this! Especially after my Dr put me on Verimyst (or however it's spelled) for my sinus/allergy issues and it is an immune system suppressant. The MRSA I could handle, a pair of gloves while handling the infected laundry, some bleach spray in the tub, and good handwashing, no problem. The stomach flu though, I can't hold my breath for hours on end (tried it once, I don't look good in those shades of red/blue/purple), so I've been trying to stay out of breathing distance of those with it, and trying to keep everyone else out of their immediate vicinity also. Especially Evie, she's been a mouthy lil hellion this week, last thing I need is her with a stomach ache/not able to keep anything down.

On an upside yesterday, I finally got my lilac bushes planted. I found some more grapes that we're going to have to put an arbor up for so I've decided to flank the arbor with lilacs on both sides. :D I hope it works out like I've planned, and the lilacs don't croak on me.

On a more depressing note, yesterday after Gary got home, he pulled the carpet in the girl's room and found, guess, I dare ya...Yup more *&@$! water damage. The entire east wall, the floor and floor joists (or whatever that is where the wall meets the wall is) rotted, BAD. Gary stuck his finger through the floor, not good. With the aid of the water hose, Daniel and he found the leak. The seam in the metal siding outside is all buggered up, so they are going to caulk it, then replace the floor and wall where it is water damaged/rotted. So looks like Friday at the earliest that will be done with those guys working all day.

On an upnote, I got my bathroom and closet all cleaned up, I just have to vacumn my bedroom carpet and I can say it's completely DONE. Oh wait, scratch that, I still have some paint removal on the trim. So after I get that done, it'll be DONE.

In fact that's where I'm heading off to now, as soon as I finish this entry. I'm also going to work on that disaster area that is my kitchen.

I hope all of you are having a wonderful week, and I'll catch up with ya in a couple of days as I go back to work tomorrow night.

ps. Ya know that day position I put in for? I got a letter yesterday saying that they've filled the position and good luck in my employment search. WTH? Is there something else they forgot to tell me in the letter?!?

Of MRSA and Men...and the rest of my "weekend"

2008-09-25T09:52:00.000-05:00

You can't give away my Weenie!

2008-09-20T19:54:00.004-05:00

THAT got your attention now didn't it? LOL My son Ty keeps me in stitches without even thinking about doing it and this is just one example of it.

Awhile back when we were still renting in town, Daniel was getting all huffy about all of the dogs we had. He was pressing me and the kids to get rid of some of them, and we were having major decision making problems as to which ones. Well I agreed to get rid of Babydoll to my Dad since one of their lil housedogs had just passed away and they were looking for another one. Katie decided to get rid of her dog as well. We also had another dog that I reluctantly agreed needed another home.

Well after we moved out to our new farm, Katie got rid of her dog, and Evie's dog Buster disappeared. Dad doesn't want Babydoll until they get moved so we've still got her, one of her "sons" that looks like his basset hound daddy, Tangies two mutts (which I really can't stand and are a total PITA, but we've got them in a pen), two Great Prynese's, and a puppy that Katie got from her boyfriends grandparents. Daniel was pretty well satisfied on our dogs now, except for Babydoll and her boy like to get under our bedroom window at night and bark. I can sleep right through it, but Daniel wakes up everytime and half the time can't get back to sleep. Well for about 3 nights in a row, those dogs raised hell 3/4 of the night. Daniel was tired and that equates to one thing: CRANKY. The morning after the 3rd night, this is the converstation that ensued:

"We're gonna have to do something with those stupid damned mutts. They keep me up all night long and I'm ready to shoot them!"

"Ya I know, your tired and bitchy though, you don't have to shoot them. I'll start crating them at night and put them on the other side of the sheds."

"You'd better start doing something or else their gonna have to go elsewhere or get shot, I'm not particular right now"

At this point Ty wanders up and goes:

"Huh? Are we getting rid of the dogs?"

Me: "No"

Daniel: "Yes or I'm gonna shoot them"

Ty: "Which ones? Babydoll can be a pain in the ass."

Me: "We're NOT getting rid of any of them, I'll start crating Babydoll and Weenie"

Yes the basset hound looking dog's name is Weenie.

Daniel: "Those lil SOB's are going if they don't learn to shut the hell up at night"

Me: "NO THEY ARE NOT!"

Ty: "NOOOOOOOOOO you can't take away my Weenie!!!!!!!!!!" while kneeling down and fiercely grabbing Weenie and hugging him.

At that point it was all Daniel and I could do to keep from collapsing laughing while Ty asked us...

"What is so stinkin funny....You can't get rid of my Weenie!!!"

End of discussion, Ty gets to keep his Weenie.

Sugar in the pie please....

2008-09-20T04:49:00.002-05:00

Ok awhile back I did one of those little "quiz" things that I borrowed from Fiesty's blog about how well we know our partner in crime aka Dh's. One of the questions was about what kind of cake I would make him for his birthday and I answered I wouldn't make a cake, I'd make him a blackberry cobbler or a pumpkin or apple pie with sugar in it. Yes, there IS a reason I put the reference to sugar in it, and that my readers is the story I'm going to post tonight.

Several years ago, I decided to take it upon myself to make Thanksgiving dinner for not only my family, but my Mom, brother, Mom's boyfriend, and a few friends. Of course, it had to be PERFECT, not because I'm compulsive or anything, but I knew I'd never hear the end of the snide albeight well meaning comments from my Mom (just her way of trying to help, and making me neurotic in the process). So the night before Thanksgiving after reading many web articles about what I could do ahead and what I couldn't, I decided at 1:30amish to make the pies. The way my family LOVES pumpkin pie, I knew just 2 wouldn't be enough so I decided upon making 4 of them. Another brilliant idea I had was in an effort to save time, just double the filling recipe. Worked great, I had some terrific looking pumpkin pies after they came out of the oven. I was elated to say the least.

Well the next afternoon and evening, I spent cooking and chopping, roasting and basting to my hearts content. After 15 lbs of potatoes later, a few pounds of cranberries being crushed, a fridge full of salads and appetizers I felt a deep satisfaction at what I had done. I was proud of my accomplishment and I double and triple checked everything to try to ensure that I was going to keep Mom's "helpful" comments at bay. The only concievable issue I found was I forgot to get the Cool-Whip out of the freezer, but it was 3 in the afternoon, it would be thawed by 8pm.

I sank into my bed, thanking God yet again for holding my hand again and patting myself on the back for a job well done, for a very well earned nap before everyone arrived.

At 6:30 everyone started arriving and we munched on appitizers and chit chatted and I oooooo'd and ahhhh'd over the goodies everyone brought over. My Mom seemed amazed that she couldn't find one lil thing to pick at me over. I smugly visited with our guests, and watched her try to nonchalantly inspect EVERYTHING.

We started eating at 7pm and my only worry was that the turkey would be dry, but nope, it was nice and juicy. We all had a wonderful meal and I finally heard it. Something that I had been working for my entire 25 years on this planet.

"Well I have to admit, you did it, you actually DID IT. I didn't think you had it in you with all of your tomboyness. You CAN cook, and do it very well. That was a WONDERFUL meal, and I'm not just saying that because I didn't have to help or cook it." Mom said, sincerely meaning it with more than a hint of astonishment in her voice.

"Thanks Mom, I appreciate that" I said beaming and everyone knew *something* had just happened they just didn't know what. Not that it mattered, I knew and that was all that was important.

The moment wouldn't last long...

A few minutes later as the after dinner coffee was poured and the last of the dishes piled in the sink awaiting the dishwasher to finish the first load, Daniel was dying for a piece of pumpkin pie. I had to threaten him with various things to keep him out of them all day long, so he had rightfully earned it. My Mom skillfully cut the first pie as I got the Cool-Whip out. Daniel stood off to Mom's right, fork poised to scoop out his two pieces of pie. As soon as Mom lifted the knife from the last cut, Daniel swooped in and got his pie and retired to the table to enjoy. I stood at the island talking to a couple of friends about recipes and I heard Mom ask Daniel "What's the matter?"

His blissful face had contorted into one that looked like they had just eaten a whole lime with salt. WTH? ran through my mind as my Mom repeated her question to Daniel while walking over to the pies with a fork in hand.

"Uhhhh I don't know what's wrong with this but SOMETHING really REALLY important seems to be missing."

My heart sank as I replayed the recipe over and over in my head wondering what I had done. For the life of me I couldn't think of one lil detail I had overlooked.

Mom answered that question for me with one word:

"Sugar, that's what's missing, Sugar." while trying to keep from laughing.

Daniel on the other hand, had no problem bursting my bubble (and ego), he busted up laughing while saying "How the hell did you manage to over look the sugar Sweetie?!?"
If looks could have killed, I'd been widowed that night.

After glaring at him while questioning myself as how I could have forgotten the sugar in the pumpkin pie it occured to me what might have happened. I walked over to my cabinents and opened up my baking cabinent and yup, suspision confirmed. I had almost forgotten to put the salt in the pie, so after I had measured the sugar I went to get out the salt. While doing so, I sat my measuring cup in the cabinent on the upper shelf because I needed to move a couple things to get the salt out. Then I shut the cabinents and didn't think twice about the measuring cup being on the top shelf as that's where it's home was. I'm sure the fact that it being 2am when I was mixing up the pie filling didn't have one thing to do with my CRS moment. I stared at the measured sugar IN the measuring cup as everyone was dying from laughter at Daniel's face. I just could not believe that I forgot such a crucial ingredient. As always rolling with the punches though, I told them next year I promised NOT to forget the sugar, but I might forget something else, like the pumpkin. We all got a good laugh out of that and got the ice cream out of the freezer. While it didn't quite lend enough sweetness to the pie, it was still pretty tasty and definately interesting LOL.

That's been 7 years ago as I mentioned and to this very day, every time I make a pumpkin pie (or 4) I hear the same thing:

"You didn't forget the sugar did you?"

*SIGH* Somethings you just can not EVER live down.

New hope

2008-09-11T04:15:00.004-05:00

Tonight after my last post, I don't know if a certain coworker of mine read it or what but he brought something to my attention that I had pushed to the back of my mind. In our personnel policy manual it states that promotion from within the city shall be granted within the persons already employed by the city. Maybe this is God's way of telling me not to loose hope, but in order for him to help me, I have to help myself.

It also states that the city may hire outside the city if there are no qualified applicants. Now some of the things that this day position requires is knowing 10 key (basically the numerical pad to the left or right of your computer keyboard), Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel and answering phones. The answering phones I'm in top shape on since that's one of my primary duties around here. The rest of it ummmm I'm a bit rusty on. I use Word occasionally off and on for personal letters, but it's been quite a while since I have used the more advanced features. Excel basically the same thing. I'm not really confident in my abilities at this very moment using them. On the other hand, I know once I started using it, I would return to my previous competency in them.

Another issue is that while I probably *should* get the job, if the other lady is more in practice or qualified I don't want to take it away from her either. Her husband works for the city as well and I guess I'm kind of afraid it could cause some hard feelings. Normally that's not something that I would worry about too awful much, but for some odd reason I am in this situation. I do believe that I'm going to go over to talk to the city administrator about this issue. If she IS more qualified for the position I will happily concede the position. If not though, well, they should go by their own guidelines and give it to me.

Another small issue I'm fighting within myself is the fact that this job is a 5 day a week with weekends off job. I REALLY like having 4 days off. It's kind of like a mini vacation between my workweeks. I'm also guaranteed overtime every other month, but I loose some of my paid time off at the same time because of that. SIGH, indecision, indecision. This whole mess could be averted if someone in my department would leave, but I don't forsee that happening either.

Somethings got to give before I do

2008-09-10T21:08:00.006-05:00

I feel a storm brewing around my house and I'm stuck smack dab in the eye of it. *Sigh*

First of all, according to the rumors going around city hall they are going to hire someone else for the day position. I know the lady and I like her quite well. I think she'll do a fantastic job but dangnabbit. I'm kinda ticked off about it at the same time. I have worked this night shift, 12 hr shifts at that, for almost 6 years full time now. I have kids at home and more and more I see them wanting/needing me home at night. I want to be home at night at this point. Dammit I personally think I deserve to be home at night after doing this stupid shift for so long. UGH, I'm sorry I'm ranting but UGH UGH UGH. My only other option is to wait a couple more months and cross my fingers, hope, and pray that a day shift opens up around here. Well other than changing jobs but around here finding a job with paid days off, insurance and such is damn near impossible, and I can't afford to loose those things. I put this in God's hands, so I know there is a reason if I don't get this day position. Nonetheless, it's still kinda disappointing/irratating.

On an even more depressing note, Daniel has been in extreme pain at night which has been rendering him unable to sleep. That in turn means I can't sleep through the night due to him tossing, turning, twitching, getting up and down to yell at our numbskull dogs to quit barking right outside our bedroom window (I love um, but man those lil buggers can be stupid sometimes), and listening to him mumble about wanting to shoot the dumb dogs, wishing that disk would go ahead and blow, and whatever else. I know he's in terrible pain, and I know what it's like not being able to sleep so I just quietly bear along with it knowing that once I come back to work, I can sleep w/o his interruption. Of course with the sleeplessness there has been the inevitable grouchiness. I think (ok I know) that's the worst part. He's trying and trying hard not to be too grouchy (probably because I've been awful short tempered here of late but lack of sleep does that to me), but it's still sneaking in. To top all of that off, after his last Dr's appointment, the word surgery was finally brought up as the next step which he was fine with until they started talking about HOW they were going to do it. When the specialist told us he was going to go in through the front (ie Daniel's throat), Daniel visably was shaken. I can't say that I blame him with his limited knowledge of anatomy. He just envisioned a scalpel that close to his windpipe, and such and kinda freaked out. Once I got him home and showed him EXACTLY what there is in that general area they are going to be working in he calmed down some. It also made him feel better when he talked to our GP yesterday and Dr Mike said that this surgery is about the best route to take unless he wants to put up with nerve damage, atrophy of the muscles in his right arm and all the other things that's been going on. I dunno about Daniel but OH HELL NO. I for one don't think I can tolerate years of this. I've been doing rather well keeping all the hellion tendencies in check, this could totally shoot that to hell in a handbasket. I can only have sympathy for so long and then I turn into Helga the hardnosed hussy (ie take two tylenol or advil and shut up, suck it up and tough it out). I have no patience for those who are unwilling to take the chance to improve the quality of their lives and those around them (and yes, that includes my darling Dh, and yes he knows that, he's met Helga and he doesn't like her at all).

Now for the icing on all of that cake, my son is feeling picked on and wants to move back in with his sperm donor. UMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOO not happening so I'm sure he's at home sulking about that as well as the myriad of other things he's texted me tonight. Some of them I can probably do something about, other's not so much. He's upset that Daniel hands Katie money hand over fist (and yes I agree, that is way WAY outta hand), and she does little of nothing to earn it. Oh she occasionally folds a few loads of laundry, runs the occasional errand or loads the dishwasher but I'm hard pressed to think of anything else off the top of my head. Destiny is about in the same category except for the fact that while we've been busy moving she has been helping by keeping Evie amused and keeping an eye on her for us which has been extremely helpful. With Destiny I take full responsibility since I'm her Mom and Daniel tends to think that the girls are exempt from physical labor for various reasons (they aren't as strong as the boys, they don't want to be tomboys, they aren't interested in getting dirty, they whatever whatever whatever). On the other hand, Ty and Gary have been getting the hell worked outta them. Not that I'm complaining, it's good for them and keeps them outta trouble but geez petey. Those guys have busted butt to move stuff from one farm to the other. Every weekend Ty is home (ie not at his Dad's for visitation), he's been working. Fair no, good for him, yes to an extent, but makes for one cranky teenager. In short, he's feeling like he's getting the short end of the stick. I totally understand why because at his age I was in the same boat. I'm just at a loss for a solution right now. I'm back to work for my 4 night stretch so if I go home raising hell about it, it's gonna get taken out on him till he goes to his Dad's Friday night. That solves nothing, it just makes it worse. Oh well, I guess I'll figure out something in the next night or two....hopefully anyways.

This is just an example of why I want a day shift. I know I can't solve it all by working days, but it sure would be helpful to see what's going on and it would help with some of these things. I just have to keep reminding myself that God, in all of his wisdom, has his reasons for all of this. If for no other reason, to make sure I stay in line with my Bible reading and praying to him umpteen times a day. I'd think I'd be making his ears bleed by now, but apparently He likes hearing from me. Now that's a good warm fuzzy feeling. :)

Hmmmm

2008-09-10T19:58:00.001-05:00

You Are 100% Boyish and 0% Girlish

You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it.

You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive.

Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself.

You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

What kind of coffee am I?

2008-09-10T19:53:00.000-05:00

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated

You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys

Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites.

And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

How well do you know your other half?

2008-09-05T21:36:00.002-05:00

HAHAHAHAHA I know him pretty darn well. My buddy Fiesty took this gem, so I had to copy it and do it also. After I answered all the questions, I asked him each question to compare my answers to his. WOOT I answered every one of the questions correctly. BWHAHAHAHA scared the begeebers outta him.

1. Sitting in front of the TV, what's on the screen?

A western, cartoons, animal shows ,or some kind of action movie.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Ranch

3. What's one food he doesn't like?

Chicken without a doubt

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order?

Bud Light, Michelob, or Bud all draft and by the pitcher LOL

5. Where did he go to high school?

Cabool High School

6. What size shoe does he wear?

9.5 wide preferably

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

Guns, tools, ammunition, more guns, and more tools

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?

Cheeseburger, just barely done, with mayo and tomatoes

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?

Cheeseburger as mentioned above with french fries, or chicken livers

10. What is his favorite cereal?

Honey Grahams

11. What would he never wear?

a speedo or a skirt or anything overly colorful

12. What is his favorite sports team?

You have to be kidding....the man could careless if sports existed

13. Who will he vote for?

McCain/Palin, just because Obama has a terrible gun rights voting record

14. Who is his best friend?

Me, J.S., E.H

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?

whine, repeat my point in a conversation 15 times, sit in front of the computer so much,
get bitchy when I need some space from him and everyone else

16. How many states has he lived in?

One, he was born in it

17. What is his heritage?

Polish

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?

I'm smarter than baking him a cake for his birthday. He prefers blackberry cobbler or apple
or pumpkin pie (with the sugar in it)

19. Did he play sports in high school?

No

20. What could he spend hours doing?

Bugging me, um er spending time with me, or being outside doing anything or nothing, he's
not fussy

21. Does he belong to any men's organizations?

No but I wish he did LOL (see question #20)

I love the man, but there is a lot I don't know about him even after 10 years still. My major pet peeve about him is that he usually is following me around so closely that if I stop short, his size 9.5 wides are gonna be sticking out my arse (Evie our 5 yr old has inherited that trait from him :-\), and that he his temperament is one that you never know WHAT mood he'll be in 15 minutes from now. Oh well, I guess it keeps it interesting :)

Parental pressure

2008-09-05T19:55:00.003-05:00

Today my monster's ALL surprised me, even the teenagers. The city that I work for is looking for a new desk girl over at city hall since the other one took the city clerk position. While I really like my job here at the PD, I'm UBER sick of working 6pm to 6am. So I took the leap and went over and applied for the 8am to 5pm position. I have no clue if I'll get it, but I can hope. So I got up a bit early today and told the kids I was gonna go to town and grabbed my finished application. Ty asked me what I was going for THIS time and I told him "Heh, your gonna love this....an 8am to 5pm job so I'm home in the evenings to aggravate you guys. Front desk girl over at City Hall basically." Evie wasn't home, but the response I got out of Ty and Des floored me. I was expecting a "Oh wow, ok" kinda thing but instead I got a pulled down fist from Ty going "Wooo Hoooo" and Des going "Kewllllllllnesssss, so you'll be home EVERY night?" I was like "Ya that's the point of changing my postion at work." At that point they started kinda jumping around and Wooo Hoooing. Now displays of enthusiasm is normal for my children but not over these kinds of things. So about half an hour later, Des and I were picking up Evie from daycare and Des told Evie all about it. Here lil blue eyes opened wide and she looked at me going "Momma, your gonna be home EVERY night?!?" I told her that I hoped so, but didn't know, I had to see if I got that position first. She sat next to me in the truck absorbing that, then looked up at me "Momma, you've got blond hair like me and blue eyes" "Yes baby, I do" "Mom....I want to be just like you when I grow up" with a huge grin on her face. "Oh you do eh? Thank you that's a wonderful complement but do me one favor would you? Tell your Daddy that k?" "Ok I will, he loves you so he'll be glad to hear it Mommy" At that point Des was giggling hysterically and Evie reached over and whapped her one and told her to shuddup. Then Evie turned to me and went "Momma isn't that what you woulda done?". *Sigh* I didn't answer but in my mind I answered her "Ya but I would have smacked her harder.". Man oh man, now if that doesn't put some pressure on me, nothing will. Here I have my 5 yr old daughter wanting to be just like me. I'd like to think she means just the good parts, and I'm sure she will get those, but sure enough, she'll pick up some of the bad too. She already has in all honesty. Her temper, her stubbornness, her boldness....all from me much to the bane of her siblings and Dad. Oooooo ya, I'm gonna get paid back in spades for every bit of what I put my parents through.

Hard to pick the right ghost...

2008-08-21T04:55:00.002-05:00

It's hard to pick the first ghost, it really is. I could tell you about how as a small child (through the 1st grade) I had a stay at home Dad, and how happy I was. Mom worked at a nursing home, and I got to hang out with my Dad till I started school. I loved it. Working around our farm, going to town, helping Dad in the garage, going to the shooting range with him, wonderful. I was a lil chit, seems now that I can remember at least 4 spankings a week. I also remember I deserved every one of them. At 5 it's hard to appreciate a spanking you deserve but now at 32 all I can say is "THANK YOU DAD!". I have to also thank God for allowing my Dad to be a stay at home Dad. Had he not caused my Dad's semi accident many years before I was concieved, my future would have changed dramatically. I might have ended up like my little brother. *shudder*

My world crumbled when I was 8. My Dad had decided he was getting to old for the harsh winters where we lived and decided to move to Missouri. So we migrated 550 miles away, away from my friends, family and anything and everything else that was important to me. That was hard enough, but then came the crowning blow. My Dad went to apply for his disability benefits and he was deemed well enough to work. Dad floated around between a few jobs for a couple of years, then figuring out he could make more going back to driving semi, that's what he did. Him and Mom's marriage crumbling didn't help either I'm sure. So after having my Dad all to myself for the most part for the first 8 yrs of my life, I did a complete 180. Dad was gone most of the time. I was stuck at home with my Mom and little brother who was 6 yrs my jr. Mom seemed to think way back then Dad favored me, so in return she doted on my little brother. Oh till I was about 10, she was ok I suppose. Then something changed. Back then, I didn't know what it was, now I do, but hindsight is always 20/20. The more my Dad was gone, the more my little brother got spoiled. Then when Dad came in, if he went to disipline my little brother, my Mom would go all beserk on him telling him (and everyone else that would listen) how "mean" Dad was to us kids. Dad got to the point where he was tired of fighting it, so if he wanted to go someplace and do something, he would take me but not my brother. The reason for that was Dad had taught me how he expected me to behave when I was with him. My little brother hadn't had that opportunity, but it wasn't for the lack of Dad trying. Dad just got tired of constantly fighting with my Mom. The more Dad was gone, the more they fought over everything. Mom it seemed would always try to turn us kids to her viewpoint even at our young ages. Of course my little brother whom Mom had spoiled, I suppose in an attempt to make up for Dad not doing much with him, sided with Mom. Me, not so much. Oh sure sometimes I would but I was 9 or 10. Dad would ground me or not let me do something I wanted to and I'd get mad, and then Mom would start the Dad bashing and being a kid I was like "Yeah, he's mean, whatever whatever whatever". Of course with me and Mom doing it, my 3-4 little brother naturally followed suit. After a few years though, things changed. Mom seemed to just want me out of her hair. My summers were spent up home staying with my family, then after I came home for school, it seemed like she felt like I was nothing but in the way. Dad was gone more and more and I was lost. At that time I didn't realize the jeporday my parents marriage was in, nor did I realize that Mom was afraid I'd tell Dad about her "boyfriends". I was 10, I knew people had affairs, but my parents doing it? No it never crossed my mind then. Dad had always had women friends, and my Mom had always had man friends. I had friends that were both boys and girls. I never thought anything about it. I knew my parents fought, but everyone got mad at one another at some time. It wasn't until one day driving by the city pool Mom asked a fatal question to our relationship. "How would you like Rich to be your 'new' Dad?" I was floored, and also very pissed off even at 10-11 years old. I liked Rich, I still do, he's a great guy despite he had a thing going on with my Mom. My little brother who Mom had brainwashed into thinking Dad was cruel and mean to us, was all for it. My big mouth got me in trouble that day though, I drew a line in the sand between me and my Mom that I wouldn't even know I had drawn for a few more years when I responded "NOOOOOOO! I love MY Daddy, I don't want another one! Why are you asking us this, Dad is our Daddy, you can't replace him." I'll never forget the look that I got after that proclomation.

That's where the trouble began...and my long journey to become who I am today started.

Ghosts in the closet

2008-08-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

I have many of them. Good friends are learning them slowly but surely, and my wonderful friend Fiesty had a great idea for a blog based off of one such conversation. Which kind of got me to thinking to myself, maybe, just maybe my ghosts of the past might be able to help someone else someway, somehow. Not to mention the material that would open up for me to post and people would actually know where it's coming from.

I have never denied anything I have ever done in my past when asked about it, no matter how awful it was. Denial does no good, it just seems to make you feel like you have something to feel guilty about. Who needs that? I certainly don't. I have have done my share of rights, wrongs, and otherwise. Most people refer to their ghosts as skeletons in the closet. I don't for the mere fact that most of my "ghosts" refer to people that are still living. I won't name them by their given name, but I will give them a pseudonym so everyone can keep them straight.

I'm not sure why I'm baring my mistakes of the past for the whole world to see. I guess sometimes I find that people don't understand me, and maybe that's why. Seeing where someone came from, and the things they've experienced always helps someone else to see why that person is the way they are today.

I hope I don't bore anyone with this and if I do, well guess they can just skip these "ghost" entries. To be honest, I don't think I care if I bore them with the "ghost" entries. To truely appreciate where and who I am today, you must understand where I came from and the things I've done.

All the times I've bitched to Daniel about having to watch yet another John Wayne movies and I get THIS result!

2008-08-11T23:01:00.001-05:00

What Kind of a Western Bad-Ass are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as John Wayne

You a classic all American cowboy who does the right thing. When you're sober. Which means occasionally. You like horses, the outdoors, whiskey, hot tempered women, whiskey, and bourbon.

Clint Eastwood

88%

John Wayne

88%

Charles Bronson

75%

Lee Van Cleef

63%

Lee Marvin

38%

...and she wonders why I think she's a blonde (besides her hair color)

2008-08-04T00:20:00.002-05:00

Last night while I was working Katie calls me...

Katie: CHRIS!

Me: WHAT? (I'm alarmed because I know she's home alone)

Katie: There's there's there's *5 second pause* A CHICKEN IN THE HOUSE! Did you know there is a chicken in the house? Did you hear me....THERE IS A CHICKEN IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!

Me: *audible sigh* Yes, I know there is a chicken in the house.

Katie: THERE IS A CHICKEN IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Uh huh, what'cha want me to do, have Uncle Wally come over and Taze the poor lil guy? Is he trying to eat you or something?

Katie: There's a chicken in the house Chris...Did you know that? Uhhhhh no

Me: Katie, is there a chicken in the house? *insert appropriate sarcasm*

Katie: Just thought I'd call and let you know *laughter*

Me: Thanks, now do you want Uncle Wally over there or what?

Katie: NOOOOOOOOO he's cute and fluffy and all yellow.....

Me: K, anything else?

Katie: Nope just wanted to tell you there is a chicken in the house. Bye see ya tomorrow

Me: Ok, bye Katie....oh wait....Katie THERE'S A CHICKEN IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!

Katie: You are NOT funny *giggling* Bye

Click & phone line went dead

Now the reason there was a chicken in the house is that one of our hens out at the old farm had hatched this lil guy out and we didn't want some critter to get him. So Daniel and the kids brought the lil fella home and put him in a box with some food and water in the entryway.

We are country folk, I have had everything from baby pigs, goats, ducks, and chickens in the house before. Why is she surprised by ONE baby chick in the house now? I love the girl but MAN, sometimes I just don't get her at all.

Today's progress and pics from last week

2008-08-03T20:48:00.001-05:00

Pics of me

2008-08-03T05:22:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to share a few pics of me since I have people asking me what I look like. Those last two were the day we had to dig up a water line and since I was the smallest one, I got the pleasure of crawling in a 5 ft hole to hand dig the rest of the way so we didn't make the problem worse. Ahhhh the joys of being small :-S.

Now you know why I don't like my picture taken huh? LOL

Have a great day ya'll :)

Quickie update

2008-08-02T21:17:00.002-05:00

Sorry I skipped out on ya'll with updates and pics, but it's been a hella week(s). One of my bestest friends came from Michigan to help me with paint and flooring choices also and we worked our frannies off. Thank goodness for dear sweet Nat though, cos my house is going to look awesome due to her. I can't match my clothes half the time, let alone flooring and wall colors LOL.

We also discovered major water damage in the hallway cos of a tear in the metal siding so ALL the sheet rock on that outer wall had to be ripped out. We also ended up tearing out one of the bedroom walls and a section out of the other side of the hallway adjacent to the hallway due to water damage. They had NO splash guard behind the sink and the result was mold and mildew in the walls. I thank goodness we noticed it when we did though, rather than after we primed and painted the walls (Benjamin Moore paint is good shit, but it's kinda pricey....don't even ask how much my paint cost for the entire house.). So we got all of that ripped out and replaced with OSB chip board and then sheet rock mudded the walls so they would be smooth like shitrock, um err sheet rock I mean. I got my smooth walls, and Daniel got the kid resistant damage walls he wanted, we're all happy now :D. As I type Daniel and Gary are out there doing the touch up sanding on the walls and brushing them down so they are ready for their first coat of Kilz primer. I'll take pics tomorrow morning I promise. I was too tired after working all night last night to do it this morning (and it's city wide yard sale this weekend, it took precedence over going out there LOL).

We're also replacing all of the floor coverings as they are showing their age REALLY badly. Carpet in the bedrooms and living room, laminate in the kitchen and hallway, sheet vinyl in the kids bathroom and in my master bathroom, not sure yet. Somehow we managed to totally space off floor covering in there. It will probably vinyl of some sort though. I don't like the idea of ceramic tile, my middle name is not grace. I've had many broken bones and how embarrassing is it to tell people "Ya I broke my arm cos I slipped on my bathroom floor getting out of the shower.". If I'm breaking something, I want a GOOD story to go with it. Ask me sometime, and I'll tell you about them. I don't want to have to scrub the damn grout that comes with ceramic tile either. I'm all about easy upkeep as I HATE housework passionately, I have more interesting things to do with my precious time.

In a nutshell we're getting there, it's just taking a wee bit longer than we anticipated. It should pretty well fly by now since I'm down to priming and painting, then after that the guys can do the floor coverings. I'm thinking I can have the painting all done by Wed night, then they can start laying flooring. While they are laying flooring, I'm going to be packing and starting to haul stuff out. That's the plan now, we'll see how Murphy finds his way into the plans though.

I'll see ya'll tomorrow with pics, promise!

This is my project today...to clean all of THIS

2008-07-23T08:21:00.001-05:00

Yesterday's adventure in cleaning

2008-07-23T08:17:00.001-05:00

2008-07-23T07:21:00.002-05:00

Here is a lovely slide show of what I was up against yesterday. I forgot to take the after pics but I'll do that today, promise. Enjoy!

Whew made progress yesterday! YAY!!! Sorry this post is a lil late, but goodness, I was tired last night and had a family situation to deal with. I'll tell ya'll about that in another post, I promise.

In the wonderful wording of my friend, Fiesty Irish Wench, I worked my blessed assurance off yesterday. I can still smell the ammonia on my hands (not to mention the shrivels they caused). Well worth it because I finished 3 walls yesterday. Yes only 3, and no they weren't big walls. Oh and a set of cabinets, that was a doozy of a job considering how short I am. Thank goodness for my 7-8 ft painters ladder and the counter top directly below the cabinets. I also took the handle off my fridge and stove to degrease/degunk them. Yup they were that nasty. I just poured some engine degreaser cleaner in the sink and poured boiling water in there and plopped them in and let them puppies soak. I also got the interior of my back door cleaned also. Ended up taking the window frame off of the inside to have D scrub it down. I have to admit, she did a really good job. T got the job of taking all the storm windows out, and degunking them outside. He also got the job of doing the outer furnace doors. Poor kids, they think I'm working them half to death LOL. Oh and since D wasn't feeling so hot, T got to vacuum the bathroom and other two bedrooms. D went over and helped with the grandson though in the mobile we're gonna rent to my oldest sd. Well that's IF Daniel doesn't get fed up with her crap and tells her we're not renting it to her. As I mentioned before, that's another post (ya the same one I referred to above).

2008-07-21T23:24:00.002-05:00

Today wasn't too bad on the productivity end once I finally dragged my arse out there. I worked this morning at DG and I had a blaring backache so I took a nap when I got home. Then about 3:30 this afternoon E and I headed out there.

I had intended on cleaning carpets but my stepmom's carpet cleaner is a POS and I'm not sure I can do the job with that machine. I quickly gave up on that idea, and moved on to bigger and not so much better things. Since I had E with me, I had to kind of be careful what I endeavored to do. We swept the floors (I finally remembered to take the broom and dustpan out there with me), took down the two sets of mini blinds they left behind put them to soak in the bathtub and then Daniel showed up. After he showed up, we moved the fridge out and EWWWWW. Now the whole kitchen is BAD. I've worked in restaurants the greater part of my 32 years and this doesn't even start to compare. Grease and whatever else looks like it's been splashed on the walls for pity's sake. This is gonna take awhile and a whole lotta degreaser. I did manage to get the wall behind the fridge looking pretty good, even considering a lack of hot water. The hot water heater has shot craps on me. Tomorrow I'll get the parts to fix that, it's a relatively easy job (so easy even a blond can do it *wink wink*). So I had already taken a pretty good sized pot out there to heat water while I was waiting on the water heater to heat up once we turned it on so I do have hot water, just in small quantities. We took down the rest of the curtains, washed the ones that were already down, and swept all the cobwebs off the walls and ceilings in the master bedroom. Then I took the mini blinds outside and hosed and scrubbed them off the rest of the way. They still look kind of grungy but I'm waiting to buy new ones until I decide what color I'm going to paint the rooms and such. I got the refrigerator cleaned inside and out and it's now the color it was supposed to be which is white. Before it's "bath" it was a not so lovely shade of greasy beige. BLECK. Daniel did some mowing but not much as he's still feeling pretty drained from his flu bug. He did manage to find a yellow jacket's nest in a love seat sitting on the back deck. That scared the shit outta me as I was sitting on it at the time. The seat he wanted to sit on had a bunch of leaves and such on it and I told him to just pull it off and sweep it off over the deck rail. Well he did and in doing so, found a yellow jacket's nest. He only got stung once, and thankfully me and E didn't get stung. He went to his truck and found his trusty BeeBopper spray and the yellow jackets didn't live long after that. The downside is, you walk out my back door and the overpowering smell of bug spray about drives you back in. That is about the extent of today's progress. Not too shabby considering the grease buildup I was contending with.

Tomorrow will be much more productive as my children want to go to the pool so I'm going to make them come help me all morning. After spending 5 hrs straight with them, I'll be ready for a break so then they can go to the pool. Good way to get things done and still keep some sanity LOL.

Ok it's almost midnight and I'm feeling it. I shall see all of you tomorrow with another update.

Lack of productivity

2008-07-20T19:58:00.002-05:00

Today was NOT as productive as I had hoped. Then again with a sick man in the house and a bunch of kids that are afraid that they might accidentally expend 15 more calories than the other in the name of WORK, I shouldn't have had such high expectations. Yes I am seriously ready to wring all their damned necks but I regress.

First of all I woke up at almost 10am. Not conducive to getting an early start in Southern Missouri heat in mid-July. Then my Dad called, spent an hour on the phone with him over nothing basically but that's ok. After that I had to run and get cleaning supplies. Then home to pickup my vacuum cleaner and carpet cleaner. After it was all said and done, it was almost 3 pm when I got out there. Got some stuff pitched, got interrupted a bazillion times by the sickly one and the teenager that ventured out there with us, and finally the floors (part of them anyways) vacuumed and the living room walls washed (kind of, the teenager helped...need I say more?), and then went to do what I had intended to do in the first place, clean the carpets. Murphy (hey why does THAT name sound familiar?) struck again and the damned carpet cleaner is screwed up. I think it will be a simple fix, but I need the user manual to take out there with me. Of course J has lost that (go figure), so I find it online. Mr Murphy figured out his way home and now I can't get it to print out. ARGH

Tomorrow has GOT to be better....

Main and TLC houses slideshow

2008-07-20T01:23:00.001-05:00

FINALLY!

2008-07-19T22:20:00.003-05:00

We closed on our new place today WOOOOO HOOOOOO! Fourty one acres, two livable mobile homes, one mobile that needs some serious TLC, and various and assorted other structures. I'm so SO sick of being in town. I really need this before I start taking potshots at vehicles driving by my house.

Of course Murphy couldn't leave this wonderful time alone for us, Daniel has came down with the flu. Sick as a dog, sounds like he's hacking up a lung, entire body hurting like he's been hit by a Mack truck (which if he doesn't quit whining CONSTANTLY could be arranged), and belly area feeling like it's being used to crochet mittens with (WTH he EVER came up with that analogy I'll never EVER know, nor do I think I want to). Oh I left out the part about him sounding like a toad when he talks but I find that kind of cute heehee (shhh don't tell him that tho). Anyways, he's pretty much useless and since this place has sat empty for the last few years, there is a shitwad of work to do. The renters left the main mobile pretty nasty as well, but nothing a box of trash bags and ALOT of scrubbing won't take care of. The smaller one isn't too awful, but since Daniel's daughter is going to be renting that, I'm NOT cleaning it. She can do it, but I'll step off that soapbox now before I get going on it. Ok have to say this much about it, if she helps me clean the main mobile, I'll help her clean the smaller one, 'nuff said.

So what that means for all 6 of you who read my blog, you get a first hand seat to all of this. From building fence, mowing, cleaning up the yard, to cleaning the interior of the mobiles. Should be an interesting ride for ya'll. Well except for Nat *giggle*, she'll be here next week to help me move. WAHOOOOO, really psyched about that :D! Anyone else that would like to come and help, or just hang out with us, feel free :D!

Hope you enjoy the before pics. This is definately going to be a work in progress and ya'll get a front row seat!

Little Miss Rodeo

2008-07-18T23:12:00.005-05:00

Ok it's a few weeks late, but here's my Lil Miss Rodeo contestant :D

Oh, that cowboy pic...opps that must have just slipped in there somehow ;)

Horsebites and closing on a new farm...and just a little bitching

2008-07-18T21:42:00.006-05:00

What an interesting week this has been! Exhausting, painful, surprising, and amusing all at the same time. The picture above was taken 15 minutes ago, but happened last Sunday. Ya it looks good now...be thankful I didn't take before photos. And due to the crappy lighting in here, it looks better in the picture than it does on my right arm. :-\

I'll start with the painful part since that happened on Sunday. While out feeding my yearling stud colt, he was apparently feeling pretty feisty or I did something to seriously piss him off. I turned my head for a split second while I was scratching his neck and WHAM, the lil bastard nipped me. Luckily I was wearing a shirt with sleeves or he'd taken a chunk out of my upper right arm. I'm not sure if I hurt him when I knocked the hell out of him, but he didn't come around me anymore so hopefully he figured out who's the boss of that pasture. I should have know at that point, this week was going to turn into a circus that I was the ringmaster of.

Monday and Tuesday I seriously at this point don't remember what I did. Honestly.

Wednesday I did some housework and a great friend of mine from Michigan told me she's coming down for a week to help me move to the new farm YAY!!!!! I'm too excited :D!

Thursday the downfall began...Daniel came down with the flu of all stupid things. Sick as a damned dog. Not usually THAT big of a deal but almost a tragedy this week. We close on our new farm Saturday at 9am I find out TODAY and he's sick and can't crawl out of bed. I also go back to work tonight. So in the next TWO days I have to finish the bank paperwork, get the utility stuff done, arrange to meet the seller out at the new farm, get insurance, take care of the kids, and find time to sleep for work. There was more stuff on the to do list there but compared to the rest, it was small potatoes. I managed to get 6 hrs of sleep in there, get all the stuff I needed to proceed to the final step of setting up the new utility accounts, info for the insurance guy, and whatever it was the bank wanted that I had totally spaced off. Then I got home, took a shower, went and picked up the 5 yr old from daycare, and came to work and worked all night.

This morning (Friday): Went home and collapsed in the recliner till 9:48am when the 5 yr old woke me up "It's time for school MOM!" so outta the chair I came, fed her, took her to school (aka daycare) and started running again. First to do the utilities which while it doesn't sound like a big deal, it's a 30 minute drive to the office one way from here, then an hour doing everything, then another 30 minute drive back. No more than walk in the house and Daniel can't find his Dr's office number so I have to find it and call them for him. The nurse has to talk to the Dr so they have to call me back. No problem, give them my cell number and off to the bank I go. Sign my part of the loan paperwork and the Dr's office calls. They want lab work. Well just hunky frickin dory....this particular Dr's office is 40 minutes away and Daniel is too sick to drive himself. Oh not to mention that I had to be to the insurance office in 45 minutes. I go home, check my email for some info for the insurance agent that the realtor was supposed to send me and I inform his daughter that she's going to have to take Dad to the Dr. Then off to the insurance office to spend 2 hrs getting a new farm policy set up. I drag in the door home again at 4:48 pm and have to be to work by 6 and pick up our 5 yr old at 5:30. I manage to get all of it done on just under 4 hrs of sleep but Lord have mercy, I'm tired now and I have 7 hrs of work to go.

Luckily I had the presence of mind to take tomorrow night off since we have to be to the bank at 9am to close on the new farm. My plans after that? Find a corner someplace where they won't look for me, curl up in my favorite blankie and with my favorite pillow and pass out until I wake up.

Heavens help them if they wake me, the damage will make that love nip my colt gave me look like a walk in the park.

Ok I'll quit whining now..I just had to get some of that out of my system before I took it out on some poor unsuspecting subject here at work.

I'll try to be cheerier tomorrow night I promise.

OBITUARY OF THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE‏

2008-07-10T02:27:00.000-05:00

OBITUARY OF THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies: (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies: (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband and criminals received better treatment than the homeless.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing... He will be missed...

My uncle sent me this email awhile back...I see the truth of this everyday all around me, and it's really really discouraging to say the least

Lil Miss Rodeo contestant and the new cowgirl boots

2008-07-09T20:36:00.002-05:00

First I want to apologize to everyone that I've already told these stories too for making you sit through them yet AGAIN. I just think it's too damn funny to pass up for blog material though. Look at the bright side, whatever your shortcomings as a parent, this is bound to make you feel a tad better about your up bringing of your child(ren).

A few weeks ago our town had it's annual rodeo. Now every year they have a Lil Miss Rodeo and a Lil Mr Rodeo contest for the 0-5 yr age range. Being the scatterbrain, over scheduled Mom that I am, I had missed signing up my 5 yr old daughter the previous 4 yrs. This year though, I actually read about it and promptly signed my 5 yr daughter up. Woooo Hooo score one for me, but I was soon to be trumped by the 5 yr old. This is the actual conversation that transpired between me and her when I told her the news:

Me: "Hey E, I signed you up for Lil Miss Rodeo contest today"

E: "You did?!? COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL

Me: "Yep sure did"

E: "Do I get to ride my horse?"

Me: "No sweetie, you don't. That's next year's competition. You do get to ride in the back of a sweet Kabota around the rodeo arena though."

E: "How the hell am I supposed to be Lil Miss Rodeo if I can't ride my horse? *HUFF*

Ok I did scold her over her choice of language (between having to turn around a giggle silently), but how can a Mom argue with that question?

Flash forward a week or so later.....

I had found a sweet pair of pink & brown Justin cowgirl boots for E on ebay. She had been pestering me for a year or better to get her some boots, but I had serious issues parting with $75 for boots she will outgrow in the matter of a few months. I didn't tell her I ordered them but when they came in I had to give them to her. She was ecstatic. She tried them on and the squeals and ooohhhh and ahhhh's ensued. After about an hour she decided to take them off and put them back in the box. She carried the box to her closet and put them in the corner for "safekeeping". Me and her father were fixing to go out to the farm and I asked her why she wasn't wearing them. I got informed that she didn't want to mess them up. She had a point but I wanted to see how they worked out for her so I told her they weren't real cowgirl boots until she wore them and broke them in. She saw the logic in that and promptly ran to her room and put them back on.

Well we get out to the farm and me and E went about doing chores. While in the horse corral to feed E was very careful not to step in the area of anything that looked remotely gooey. After all the chores were done, E wanted to go down to the pond so I took her down there. Our pond is in a pasture that has some of our goats and their guard mule, Joey, in there. E promptly went to the pond to throw handfuls of grain out for the ducks and throw rocks in the pond. I fed the goats and Joey and checked on the walnut trees that are scattered throughout the pasture. A bit later I heard hollering, so I told E I was going up to see what Dad and the boys were doing. After I figured out they were being boneheads, I grabbed my curry comb to comb Joey since he still has much of his winter coat on and it's getting way to hot for that. When I got up to the gate, E was in the middle of the area that Joey uses for his "toilet" just stomping to beat the band. "E WHAT are you doing?!? Get out of there!"

E: "Mom, they aren't REAL cowgirl boots till they have horseshit on them"

I about collapsed from lack of oxygen because I was trying to keep from breaking out in hysterical laughter while I was scolding her yet again. As I was scolding her, she was heading towards the pond with me and Joey right behind her. Then she walks in the pond till she has about 4 inches of pond water over the top of her boots....

Me: "NOW what are you doing? Get outta there E!"

E: "I'm washing off my boots. I can't track this into the pickup, it'll stink. Besides you wash your boots off with the garden hose Mom."

How can I argue with that kind of logic? I swear this child will be the end of me and what the other kids left of my sanity.

After too long a hiatus...

2008-07-09T20:29:00.002-05:00

I think I've returned to the blogging world. Not sure if that's a threat, promise, warning, disclaimer or temptation to fate to throw us another curve ball, but I'm back. I have a whole buncha "stuff" to blog about, and not really sure where to start to be honest. I just thought I'd give everyone a heads up to my return.

I am going to try to do at least one blog entry every night I'm at work. I'd like to do it everyday, but given the chaos things have been around my house lately, I just don't see that happening.

If there is anything specific that you would like to know about (like the 4 people that actually read this don't already know it), drop me a comment and I'll do my best to oblige your inquisitive minds.

I'll see ya in a few minutes with a new entry :)

Balancing Act

2008-04-28T20:55:00.002-05:00

MEN!!!! I swear, for the most part I get along with them pretty damned good, but there are times that I could just pinch their wee heads off (the ones atop their shoulders...get yer mind outta the gutter).

On March 28th, our house burnt. Not as in slightly smoked and mildly charred, I mean lost most everything, well done, floors with huge burn holes in them burnt. Long story short, I guess according to the insurance guy, lightning hit our roof and started a fire in the rafters. We found a few things salvageable but for the most part most everything was lost. Kids clothes, toys, beds, tv's, computer, washer and dryer, fireplace, dvd players, video games, books *POOF* fried to a crisp. It's gut wrenching to say the least when you start to make that list of personal property for the insurance claim. With the month I've had, I HAD to double my anxiety meds and do all of this very slowly to say the least. Daniel is getting pretty huffy with me, but he's got a choice, either I do it slow and right, or I do it fast, screw it up, and end up flipping out completely and having to possibly be hospitalized. In all honesty, that hospitalization is sounding pretty damn good after tonight.

The scene: Here at the office, we work out of the same office, overlapping shifts

Topic: The bank account

Instigator: Daniel

Aggravated and majorly stressed and pissed off: Yours truly

Out in the firebay I was talking to my cousin on the phone. Her and her Mom are coming down at the end of the week to pick up my recently widowed Grandfather to take him back to Iowa. I had no more than wrapped up my conversation with her, and standing in the doorway was Daniel...

"WTH is going on with the bank account?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last week I put in both our paychecks which was about $XX, and then we had that loan proceed check which was $XX, and by last Saturday we only had $XX left. Why is it when we have money in the bank account it gets spent that fast?"

Well before I could answer, the office phone rang much to his great fortune and his great dismay all at the same time. I don't think he realized how postal I was about to go on him. Ya I've spent quite a bit of $$ in the last month, but AHEM...kids need clothes, we need groceries, things need to be replaced in general. Ok maybe I didn't HAVE to have the new sewing/embroidery machine we bought (but in my defense, it was marked down to half price on clearance AND I made him come with me so it's not like he didn't know I bought it or anything), or the computer I got off Ebay (there again, another great deal that he knew about) and a few other small things I picked up here and there. Then again he didn't HAVE to buy a riding lawn mower/garden tractor, and fork out God knows how much to his kids. Also, again, I haven't finished the personal property list and that will be a pretty healthy check in it's own right. Which I'm pretty sure he's gonna try to appropriate funds from for stuff HE wants as well. I'm not against that, but dammit all, I don't bitch at him for what he spends, so I kind of expect the same courtesy. I also don't expect to get my ass chewed for replacing things we need to run our household on a daily basis.

I know he's trying to quit chewing tobacco, his slipped disk hurts him all the time, and add on top of that the stress that having kids around (esp teenagers) creates, and it can make for a very cranky person. I'm trying to keep all that in my mind when I have to deal with his outbursts, but I would also expect that he would keep in mind that I'M the one having to deal with the insurance company, do all the listing, the constant reminder of what I once had, I don't anymore, dealing with kids stuff, and working 60 hrs a week lately all while trying to keep my sanity.

I don't know what the answer is, or if there even is one, but the closest I can see is going back to separate accounts. This just overwhelmingly reminds me why I chose to do that months ago anyways. I thought maybe we could get along during this crisis and what it would do to our bank account but forget that, it's just not going to happen.

What the hell is the matter with me?!?

2008-04-22T21:35:00.002-05:00

Ok as I have mentioned between me and my Dh we have 6 kids. A classic blended family of mine, his, and ours. In the last month we have became grandparents which is just awesome to say the least.

I don't know what the hell is going on with me but the stray baby thoughts have been invading me! My Dh has 3 girls, and I think he was slightly hoping for a boy with our daughter. I wanted another boy too as we have way too much estrogen flowing through our house anyways. Now with the addition of our grandson to our family, the thoughts of giving my Dh the boy he's always wanted start straying into my head. I really don't want another child in all honesty but this thought just keeps creeping in my head.

ARGH, I really think I am loosing it now...

Going home...

2008-04-22T20:35:00.002-05:00

In the last 6 months I have been home twice which is more than I've been home in the last 10 years. They say home is where your heart is, and apparently my "home" is in Northern Iowa. To me, my home is where my family is and that's where most of my family I still claim is. While I love Southern Missouri for it's mild climate and awesome geography, a large part of me longs for the cold winters, steamy summers, corn and soybean fields and hog confinements (shut up, I know I'm weird). Everytime I have to leave to come back to Missouri, I feel a heartache that I can only describe as akin to loosing a member of my family. The further south I get, the more my heart aches.

As I mentioned, this was my second trip home in the last 6 months. Unfortunately, it has been deaths of family members that was the reason for my trip home. I was home in October and I never remember Northern Iowa being that mild in October. Of course it rained most of the time I was home and was chilly but no more so than here in Southern Missouri. The second trip was at the end of March for almost a week, and the weather was a bit screwy, but nice nonetheless. It wasn't overly warm as to be expected and one night we got almost 3 inches of snow, but it wasn't freezing either. It was windy and sunny most days (I damn near blew over a few times when we did the interment of my beloved Gramma for crying out loud) but not too bad temperature wise.

Of course, my aforementioned family doesn't help matters much either. Apparently I'm a favorite cousin/neice/granddaughter and they have no bones about telling me that and how they wish I would move home. I have wanted to move home for years, but there are a few things that hold me back. First of which being my kids. We have 6 (no that's not a typo) between the two of us. His, mine, and ours respectively, and while 2 of them are over the age of 18, one of them is on probation for a bunch of stupid shit he pulled over the last 5 years, and the other just had a baby. The the other kids are 16, 14, 12, and 5. Now the 5 year old is our daughter so there would be no problem there. The 16 yr old is his daughter from his last marriage and the 14 & 12 year old are my kids from my previous marriage. Not too sure how their "other" parents would take it us moving them 550 miles from them. Of course we really don't care too much as long as a judge would permit them to move with us. The ex's can bite us as they made our lives hell for several years and while we're not bitter (ok maybe just a lil bitter but there again, that's another post) we also don't feel that we owe them anything for the shit they gave us. Second thing that holds me back is my parents, particularly my Dad. He will be 68 this fall and I'm not sure when it will come to the point where he will have to be looked after. I have promised him that I will take care of him in his old age as I don't trust his signifigant other to do so. My Dad moved us down here to get away from the cold so I'm pretty sure he's not going to want to move back to Iowa in his old age. That leaves me moving back here, and I don't want to have to uproot that many times. Of course me being the stubborn ass I can be would probably give him the option of a nursing home or moving home with me but I don't want it to come to that. My Mom is slowly loosing her mind and the farther away I can get from her, the better off I feel I am. I would take care of her if I HAVE to, but since I have a little brother, I've about made up my mind HE can do it. I have done it since before I was in high school, he can take his turn in this family responsiblity crap. Third of all, me and Dh have lived here most of our lives. We have invaluble ties to the community, our friends, and immaculate reputations. If we were to get let go from our jobs today, we'd have 5 offers by the end of the week, guaranteed. To loose that feeling of community, of security is unsettling to say the least. I'm sure we can make those ties again at home, but my main fear is that my Dh is 49 years old, no high school education even though he is talented in many areas, and his shoulders and upper back are giving him fits. In short, what will he do for work? I know he would find something but living up there is much more expensive than here. I have some college credits, but I'm not sure I can make enough to support a family of 9. The kids will work, but I don't feel right about having to expect them to help support the rest of the family. *SIGH* Not to mention, uprooting my kids during high school and from all their friends they've had all their lives. So many considerations for what seems like such a simple decision.

Me? A Gramma?? At 32???

2008-04-11T23:52:00.002-05:00

Yup, yup, and OMG yup! Ok some of you are probably thinking "What the hell?!?" but there IS a logical explanation to me being a Gramma at 32. I am a step gramma for one thing. Daniel is 17 years older than I am, and his oldest daughter is 18 now (yes the lil one's momma). So no, my 12 year old daughter, or my 5 year old daughter have not started reproducing exceptionally early (though much to my 5 year old's dismay, she now believes she needs to have a girl to keep her nephew company **SIGH**).

Now my relationship with my oldest stepdaughter is rocky. She lived with us for a couple of years, and she pulled quite a few stunts that ended with me looking like a butcher block from the backside. I vowed to keep her at bay until she recognized what she did was wrong, and apologized for that. Know what? That's kinda out the window now. I'm not sure I have forgiven her for all the grief she caused me and her father, but I am speaking to her some now. Not much mind you, but some, and I guess that's progress. I can't and won't say I trust her, because I don't. She IS still her Mother's daughter, and I have to stay guarded to that. We are in the middle of a custody battle with her and her younger sister's mother for custody of her younger sister. I refuse to jeopardize that in an "effort" to see if I can trust the oldest daughter. The younger one doesn't want to live with her Mother, and I won't be the one to screw up and be the reason she has to. Furthermore, I know if I am not careful, she will yank that baby away from me and at this point in time, I just don't think I could take that. I have lost alot in the last few weeks, I refuse to let my big mouth get the best of me and give her reason to hurt me again. I am remaining civil and friendly to her (even to the point of having her Dad tell her if she needs/wants to move home (ie back in with us) she can, my Grandson's father is a gigantic walking dick, need I say more?).

As for my Grandson **insert colossal grin** he's a small bundle of joy. Ya I know, it's not very creative, but it's the truth. Such tiny little fingers and toes, and a cry that well it's more a squeak to me as I have a 5 year old that throws screaming hissy fits more often than I would like to admit. I forgot just how teeny tiny their lil fingers and toes were till I clipped his fingernails and toenails the other night when they were over. His parents were scared to, afraid they would cut one off. Daniel was scared shitless she'd let her Mother do it, as I guess with one of the girls she DID cut the tip of one of their fingers off trimming their fingernails once. Dgs's (dear grandson) Dad was at work, and his Mom was in the other room watching a movie with the rest of the kids, and I was watching over the lil guy. He fell asleep to me rocking him to sleep as I played the Wii (tell you anything about what kinda Mom/Gramma I am? :D). After he fell into a sound slumber cradled in my lap, I unswaddled him and gave him a manicure and pedicure, complete with filing of all the sharp little edges, that would leave any modern starlet in the dust. It's been a long time since I have done that, and to be totally honest... I don't miss it a bit. It's one thing to do it to my dgs, but I don't want to do the Mommy thing again. I have 3 children of my own, and 3 stepchildren. I've had my fill to say the least. I love all my children, but I tell them regularly the only reason I don't strangle them some days is I want to be old and grey and surrounded by grandchildren on my back deck as I sit in my rocking chair. My 14 year old son laughs at me when I say this, but I don't think he realizes just how much I mean that.

After my own Gramma passing on St Patrick's Day, this little guy was what I needed to pull me out of the depths of my despair. I got the call that she was in labor the following Thursday, but convinced that she was going to not let me be a part of this baby's life, I dismissed it. A part of me desperately hoped that she wouldn't do that, but the rest of me was fully convinced she would. I got the call just shortly after midnight Friday morning from Daniel that I was a gramma. I was estatatic, but I was leaving the following day to go to Iowa for my Gramma's funeral. I silently cursed the timing, but was thankful at the same time. I needed a diversion, good or bad, from the reality of what had happened. I fell asleep a happy woman that morning. I didn't sleep long as I needed to go do some errands, and while I was gone, Daniel called me. They were bringing the baby over to the house before I went to to work that night. Shocked me to the core when he informed me "so you can see him...they know you have to leave tomorrow, and know your dying to see the lil fella.". I could have fainted right there in Wal-Mart parking lot. I didn't though, but I was in a serious daze after he told me that. I hurried up and did what I had to do and scurried home. I had planned to take a nap before work after I got home, but that was impossible not knowing when they were going to be there. I got partially ready for work and paced the floor waiting for them. Daniel just laughed at my apprehension, but when I growled at him to quit bugging me, he scurried out the door as he knew my nerves were shot. They finally arrived and I stole the car seat and put it on my computer chair (and I let NOBODY sit in my chair, it's MINE), and uncovered him. He was so tiny, so perfect, and *GASP* she was gonna let me be GRAMMA! I took a few pictures then I had to get him out of that contraption. As I took him out, I noticed how light he was. Now a 7 pound baby is a "normal" size baby, but considering my "baby" now weighs 50 pounds, it was kinda a shock. He cuddled right up to me and promptly fell asleep. I walked around, beaming a smile that would put the sun to shame, holding my grandson. After a bit he became fussy, and we went straight to the rocking chair. I swaddled him back up after I had him all cuddled up to me and we rocked. Quietly, gently, we rocked. It seemed like time stopped. Amazing how one so teeny could wipe away all my pain. Tears flowed again, but instead of heartbreak, they were tears of joy as I prayed to God that I was as wonderful a Gramma as the one I had just lost was to me.

Saturday, the next day, they came out again before I left. I lost 2 hours of prime traveling time due to having to cuddle with dgs, but it was a well spent 2 hours. We laid on my bed a good portion of that, him wide awake, and me just babbling to him. What I said, I can't honestly recall to be honest, but I'm sure it was ok with him. He made funny faces at me, and I just watched, cuddled, kissed, hugged, and loved on him as I was going to be gone for at least a week. Again I cursed the timing, but knew I had to go. I tried to convince his parents that they needed a break, to let me take him with but go figure, they refused. They were sure I was going to smuggle him out in my suitcase so as I finished packing they kept an eagle's watch on me. As I waited for my youngest step daughter to pack to go with me, and the guys to pack the trunk of the car, we again went to the rocking chair. Time stopped again for me as I watched him sleep and give his binky a through workout. Little did I know that would be our last time to rock in that rocking chair.

As I made that long trip home for my Gramma's funeral, something struck me. While I had lost my Gramma, I had in turn gained a Grandson. Was that God's way of taking the sting away from the pain I was feeling over my loss? His way of showing me that he takes nothing away from us without giving us something just as precious? I will never know the answer to that I'm sure, but I have learned a lesson through all of this to be sure. Never EVER take anyone special in your life for granted, for they can be taken away in a blink of an eye.

The best way I can describe my Gramma's influence on me is akin to Simba and Mufasa in The Lion King. As a child, I followed my Gramma every opportunity I was given to. As an adult, I looked to her for guidance. Now that she's gone, I still feel her with me, a silent yet powerful guiding hand in my life. I look up at the stars when doubts and questions fill my mind, and think "How would Gramma have handled it? What would Gramma do?". Somewhere deep in me, I know the answers, and when I follow them, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace and serenity. I want my Grandson (and all my subsequent grandbabies) to see my Gramma in me. I want them to learn from me the way I learned from her. I want them to love me just as deeply as I love her. That is my hope, my dream, my goal for the future.

Gramma

2008-04-06T00:17:00.002-05:00

As you have read, my beloved Gramma had to have surgery not to long ago. She was doing wonderfully, been moved from the rehab wing at the hospital to the nursing home to do less intensive rehab. Grampa had been going to stay with her during the days and leaving before dark as he can't drive after dark due to having strokes that has affected his vision. Things were going as well as could be expected. Her doctors, nurses, and therapists were astounded with her progress and were talking like she might possibly be out of there weeks earlier than expected. We were thrilled. We had a scare come march 14th. Gramma was found in her nursing home bed, unresponsive, staring at the ceiling. Come to find out, her blood oxygen level had dropped to the low 80's causing it. They transported her to the local hospital, where they began running tests as the question remained, What caused the drop in her blood oxygen?. I called the hospital inquiring as to what was going on.... No pneumonia, as they had done chest xrays, they had pulled blood for a complete battery of tests but no results yet. Then I asked the question that was nagging at me. Had they checked for the possibility of a blood clot? The nurse politely told me the Dr hadn't yet, and I felt my anxiety level rise as I KNEW with her type of orthopedic surgery, clots were a constant concern. Then I asked if they were planning ultrasounds or whatever they needed to do to check for clots, and the nurse kindly told me not as far as she saw on the chart. I was rapidly becoming pissed off and didn't want to take it out on the nurse so I bid her goodnight and requested that if anything came up that they call me as well as my Aunt K. Then I called my Aunt K to see if she had found out anything different and she told me no and thought it was odd too that no sonograms had been ordered on Gramma's legs. We couldn't reach the Dr so Aunt K told me she'd get ahold of him in the morning and we went about our nightly routine.

The next few days I called intermittently to bug the Dr, nurses, Grampa, Aunt K, and occasionally spoke to Gramma. She seemed to be gaining strength again and the prognosis was hopeful. I was getting irritated at the Dr as I was really concerned about the possibility of a clot, but I couldn't sway him to do the damned ultrasound. Now I wish I'd went down and kicked his ass, but that's beside the point now.

Sunday Gramma had another disoriented spell, and so I called into work just in case something came up and I had to make a flying trip down to Arkansas. I live almost 2 hrs away but I can make it down in an hour and a half if need be. They brought her outta it again and everything allegedly was "ok".

Monday I called down to the hospital and I talked to Gramma. She sounded as chipper and as wonderful as could be. She was looking forward to getting back to the nursing home to finish up her rehab and get home and back to "jitterbugging". We chatted for a good 45 minutes. Thank God I told her how much I loved her that day before I hung up the phone as it would be the last time I ever talked to my beloved Gramma.

I hung out around the house the rest of the day, the Irish woman in me wishing my corned beef would hurry up and cook, then resisting the urge to eat it before everyone got home that night for supper. About 7:30 my phone rang, it was my Aunt K to ask me where my Dad was as his fiancee' had been back in the hospital. I told her I didn't know and asked why. Just her tone of voice had already made my heart drop, my anxiety level rise, and my stomach twist into a Celtic knot. That's when she told me Gramma had passed about 15 minutes before. She also quickly brought up the fact that Dad maybe driving from the hospital home and she didn't want to tell him the news if that was the case. I totally agreed and told her to let me hunt him down and tell him, I knew how hard it was going to hit Daddy.

I called Jane and she told me Dad was at home and I told her about Gramma. I also told her to not call and tell him as I wanted to be there when he found out. She agreed that he shouldn't be alone and we got off the phone.

Daniel insisted on driving me as it was raining and cold. I think he knew I had kind of pushed the reality of the situation to the back of my mind. I was more worried about Daddy's reaction and so I was repressing my own sadness. (Damn that man knows me better than I thought) He also was intuitive enough to know it would hit in that hour drive to my Dad's house and he was frightened of the implications that brought along with it. He was right again. It was a quiet trip for the most part. I kept telling him I was glad it was short and sweet as they had told my Aunt K that she passed quickly, and felt no pain. I'm not sure who's benefit that was for or why I kept repeating it but I did. I occasionally cried, but they were short quiet spells as well. We were 15 minutes from my Dad's house when Dad called me on my cell phone asking where I was at. I told him on my way to his house and asked him why. Grampa had called Dad asking if he could ride with him up home to the funeral. UGH, I hadn't wanted Dad to find out by phone, but I should have thought to call Grampa and tell him not to call Dad till I got down there. Hindsight is always 20/20.

We got to my Dad's and Dad was doing much better than expected. We made and received some phone calls, chit chatted, and after a few hours we headed home.

The ride home was more chit chat about how well Dad seemed to be holding up, when the funeral may be as the following weekend was Easter, and Daniel asking me how I was. I told him fine, and I think at that point I honestly believed it.

It was well after midnight after we got home, and Daniel had to work early the next morning so he headed off to bed. He told me if I needed anything to wake him, and scooted off to bed. I wandered aimlessly around the house for a bit and sheer exhaustion hit me after I got on the computer for a few minutes. I took my before bed meds, and scooted off to bed myself.

As I laid down on my pillow, which I have had since I was a child when Gramma told me it had been her pillow as a child and I begged her for it. Gramma thought I was crazy as she put it "CHRISSY....that pillow is older than I am....MY Grandmother made that before I was even born I'm sure! You don't need that ratty old thing, if you need a pillow I have much better ones in the main house." I insisted to Gramma that was EXACTLY why I wanted it, it was a family heirloom. Again she smiled, shook her head and told me to go ahead and drag that ratty old feather pillow home with me. I was 9 when she gave me that pillow. I have slept with it just about every night since. My only separation from that pillow was when I was in the hospital having babies. I take that back, I did take it to the hospital for the birth of my youngest daughter. Gramma took great delight in that as my youngest daughter is a namesake baby. She was named after her father's mother, and I gave her Gramma's first name as her middle name. I shall have to post another blog about that another time.

Anyways, as I laid down on me and Gramma's pillow that night, it hit me. My Gramma was gone. No more long phone calls, no more admonishments from her for my sassiness to Daniel, no more chuckles at all of us picking on each other, no more lunches, no more hugs, kisses and loves back and forth... I went to bed at 1am, the last time I remember being able to see the clock was almost 4am(not sure what time it was, I had cried so much my vision was blurred), and mine and Gramma's pillow was soaked. I fell asleep in a fitful non restful sleep that was interrupted with me waking up to even more tears, prayers thanking God that Gramma was home with him and that he let her physical body go fast and painlessly, and more prayers to give me and my family strength to deal with what lay ahead for us in the next few weeks.

Start at the beginning...

2008-04-06T00:08:00.000-05:00

The last few weeks have been a complete blur. My mind is swimming in so many different directions that it's hard to tell up from down, left from right, back from front. I know people say "Start from the beginning, leave nothing out". Hmpfh, easy for them to say. In a nutshell in the last few weeks I have lost my beloved Gramma (March 17th, St Patricks Day, I'd like to know where the hell my share of the luck of the Irish was this year), became a Grandmother myself the following Saturday morning (YAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOO), and while I was home in Northern Iowa for Gramma's funeral, my house burnt to the ground. So to start at the beginning with all that floating around is going to be a tad difficult for me. I will do this in bits and pieces, as I can bear to as it's all still very raw for me, but I HAVE to get it out of my brain. It's throwing a monkey wrench in the cogs upstairs, and heaven's knows, I have enough skeletons doing that already.

I forsee....

2008-03-03T19:37:00.000-06:00

I am the "Mom" of a blended family. There is me, my Dh, my two kids from a previous marriage, his two kids from a previous marriage, his step son from another one of his previous marriages and then we have our 5 yr old daughter. Several years ago when I accepted this role I had heard it had it's difficulties, but they were far outweighed by the advantages. Well I'm here to tell you that is complete and udder bullshit. IF I had known then what I know now, I'd have ran like hell when he asked me out the first time and told him to go to hell. I can say this much, it's been a learning experience and I will NEVER EVER do this again. I'm not saying that me and my Dh are going to split, but he's 17 yrs older than me, I see me living far longer than he does.

As I mentioned, I have two stepdaughters. My Dh thinks they walk on water or some shit. They can do no wrong in his eyes. If you tell him they do, he'll make a half assed attempt to uncover the truth, and if it's in their favor, that's where it stops. If it's not though, he'll keep digging till he can find someone to blow smoke up his ass so he can think they did no wrong. Well I recant part of that, he won't with the oldest one anymore, he can't. She's out of the house and well she's pulled so much shit that he pretty much believes it when someone tells him some dumbass thing she's done. Now the other one, well that's what the above applies to. He used to do it with the oldest one till I blew the cover off that and made him look like a total ass which he really didn't appreciate, but oh well, I needed the gratification of being right after being told I was picking on her, being too hard on her, and basically being called a downright liar.

I thought I had opened his eyes but I suppose not. Quite frankly it's starting all over but with the youngest step daughter. She turned 16 last November and after she got her driver's license it all went downhill again. Up to that point, it was looking like he had his head on straight and was doing a pretty good job of being partial to the fact that she can (and most definitely) is a little shit. I was quite proud of him and let him know that quite frequently. I had to basically give up MY car so she could have a vehicle to drive. Then came her putting a shitwad of gas through it and him paying for it, which was fine....till he had to start getting money from me to cover other shit. As I have mentioned, I have 3 jobs, I work anywhere from 52-70 hours a week. He has ONE job, 40 hours a week. Stepdaughter BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA her work.....ya right I see that happening anytime soon but that's a blog for another date and time (which will be soon I promise). Back to the car thing though, I have my truck, so wasn't that big of an issue (ok it was but I regress on that for the time being, and it was all me being selfish and yes I'm very selfish when it comes to certain things but I regress). Well then there came him buying another car for her to drive. *See Dh and the great car debate entry for that story. Well his excuse for that was that this car was cheaper on gas. Hmmmm I don't think so but whatever, I am no longer giving him any $$$ for anything I don't specifically request him to pick up.

Well since she got her license in November I've had several people stop me when I'm out and about and tell me that she's driving like an idiot (in some cases they thought it was me since it was my car). I tell Dh and he blows me off pretty much, or if he actually does say anything to her it's "Knock that shit off". Well tonight it's really got me riled up. I got a call from the highway patrol of a case of road rage. They came into the city limits, and so they called for our officers to watch for them. Guess who's license plate number they gave me? BINGO, my stepdaughters. Well called Dh into the office (ya we work in the same office) and told him. He promptly called step daughter and she told him she hadn't been out that way, she had been with a friend since after school blah blah blah. SON OF A BITCH....what does he do? "Oh ok, just checking" He did call her friend she was with but of course, she holds up for step daughters story. That's what teenage girls do when a parent calls...."Oh ya she was with me...Nooooo she wasn't on the highway south of town...nuh uh, she was with me" I used to be one, I know, I did it many times myself for friends. Then what do I hear? and this is the part where I get so mad I could pinch both their heads off......literally. "Oh you know her one friend is mad at her, she probably called it in to the highway patrol trying to get her into trouble" WTF ever dude, she's playing you and your believing her. Friday she came home giggling about doing the same kind of shit on her way home from going to the next town over to drop my kids off at their Dad's and so step son could pick me up some stuff from town since I wasn't feeling the best. Saturday night she pulled another stunt...told us she went to the truck stop after the game. What she failed to mention is she went to the next town over too. How did I find this out? Well I happened to see a lady that I used to work with and she started going on about how time flies, she didn't realize that she was driving blah blah blah. Then I dumbly asked, "Oh when did you see her Lisa?" "Saturday night when me and my son ran to get ice cream at Country Mart there in town...I thought she looked familiar sitting at the stoplight next to me and said something about her looking familiar and he told me that was your step daughter...I didn't realize she was that old yet, guess I was thinking of your other daughter" Well I dumbly told her that No it couldn't have been her, as she was cheering that night then went to the truck stop, then home. Lisa looked at me and told me she was pretty sure that her son was right, but whatever, it may not have been. Well then I got the brainstorm, check her IM logs. Guess what I found...yup that she had cheered at the game, went to the truck stop and went to the next town. A minor indiscretion, I was miffed but more because I had made an ass of myself to Lisa, and basically called her a liar. I have to remember to apologize to her next time I see her btw. I haven't mentioned that to Dh yet, and I'm not going to for a day or so either since I'm so mad about this. I did mention that she did the same thing Friday though, to which I was met with a dumb stare. Then him checking his phone for what time she called him which was like a minute before I got the call from the highway patrol. I just looked at him and had there not been 4 other people in the office said "What the fuck ever you wanna believe, but I think it was her" but I think he knows that I still don't believe her and I'm miffed at him. Why? Because he is now avoiding me like I'm a leper or something. That's what he does when he knows I'm gonna say something he doesn't like or doesn't want to believe.

I know kids are going to be doing stupid shit. I know kids are going to lie to their parents about stupid shit they do. I expect that. I know my kids do it. I am also on their asses about whatever they are doing wrong. I also expect that as adults, we need to investigate fully and if in doubt, ground that kid, cos they are probably guilty of that or something else we've not caught them at in the past and still deserve it one way or another. I've never heard of a week with no tv, phone or Internet killing anyone either ;). I also expect that a parent isn't going to stick their head in the sand and deny that their kid does any wrong.

So I forsee...several things in my very VERY near future. I see the top of my head blowing off soon for one. I also forsee anti-anxiety, antidepressants, and whatever else the dr prescribes for me also in my future. If I were to talk too much to anyone right now, I'd see a possible 96 hour mental health commitment in the future as well. Shoot them reading this blog would probably give them probable cause to do it (not that I'd resist any). I see me possibly well most likely checking up on stepdaughter and her driving habits. Ya I'm a conniving bitch sometimes, but if she's not doing anything wrong, she has nothing to hide now does she? I see several fights with my Dh in the near future if/when/after I catch her in the act. I see me learning from his mistakes he's making. I see me becoming even stricter with my kids.

Jihad on Double Stuff Oreo's

2008-02-21T11:33:00.000-06:00

First things first...Update on Gramma: She's doing wonderfully! She broke her femur just below the joint that goes into the hip socket. They replaced that with a brand spankin' shiny new joint. She's been moved into the rehab unit of the hospital, and they are doing intensive therapy on her 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon. She'll be there for a couple of weeks then moved into a nursing home for further therapy. Can you say WHEW? I'm so relieved.

Now on to more amusing things....

We're having our 2nd major ice storm of the new year and yet again I'm SOOOOOO lucky to have my kids home with me. Well all of them but my 5 yr old who's spending the remainder of this week and part of the weekend with her godparents.

After doing morning chores my son Ty, who is 14 and I'm convinced is hollow at this point, comes in "I'm hungry". Hmphf, big surprise there. He knew I'd went to the grocery store yesterday, so food is not lacking in this house at the moment. He promptly went to the counter and found my MY double stuffed Oreo's and cracked the package open. Well that's ok, it was one of those things where I was PMSing and bought them then had a salt craving...they've been sitting in my truck for upwards of 2-3 weeks now. Upon hearing the package crinkle my 12 yr old daughter, Destiny, hollers "What's that noise?!?" and had to come in the kitchen to investigate. Katie at that point, the resident 16 yr old daughter, "What's going on over there?"(She's kinda oblivious to things sometimes...go figure) and then she proceeds to the counter as well. Gary, my Dh's 27 yr old son, looks at me, looks at them, then meanders over that way.

Ok so now I have 4 kids clustered around my counter, attacking the package of Double Stuffed Oreo's. Looked like buzzards flocked into my kitchen on a carcass. No way was I going over there to break it up. I'd loose an arm or something.

So that got me to thinking...and bear with me, my mind works weird ok. Jihad, hmmm.... I know Jihad means:
1. Islam. An individual's striving for spiritual self-perfection.
2. Islam. A Muslim holy war or spiritual struggle against infidels.
3. A crusade or struggle: “The war against smoking is turning into a jihad against people who smoke” (Fortune).

-definition thanks to http://www.answers.com/topic/jihad

My first thought was "Holy mother of Mary...what did did the Oreo's do to deserve that?!?"

My second thought looking at the mangled package lying on the counter....hmmmm if we could get Al Qaeda members (particularly Bin Laden) addicted to Oreo's, I could send our kids out and viola'.....he'd be an easy target then. All they'd have to look for is the mangled remains of a package of Double Stuffed Oreo's and a dazed and confused old guy with a 3 ft beard lying in the mountains or desert. Easy pickin's for them then.

Third thought and the one I voiced "Kids, get in here and clean up this damned mess you made!"

Scared....

2008-02-16T03:59:00.000-06:00

Scared......not a word I usually associate with myself, but tonight yes definately.

Phone rings at work, private line, and it's my Dad's fiancee'

"Shit your working"

Rut roh Spanky, I don't like the way THAT sounds as a phone converstation starter...

"Yup, sure am, or else I wouldn't have answered the phone here at the PD huh? *chuckle* What's up? Everything ok?"

"NO it isn't *pause*

"Dammit, how'd I know you were going to say that? What's wrong? Are you ok? OMG Dad's not had a wreck has he, please tell me he hasn't wrecked"

"No no, I'm fine, and your Dad hasn't crashed his semi again BUT ....*long pause*"

"Woman, don't do that, it scares me. What's the matter, what the hell is going on?"

"It's your Gramma"

At that point my heart dropped to my toes, and I started feeling my stomach tightening up.....

"OH NO, what? WHAT? WHAAAATTTTT? How bad is it?"

"Well not sure.....She fell today and and while I don't know too much yet, she's most definately badly bruised her replaced knee, her hip and her elbow. All I know is her and Dad (Grampa) stopped to get a get well card for a friend in the hospital, and when she came out to get in the car she went down, hit her knee, then her hip, and caught herself with her elbow"

Whew, while that's definately not good, I was expecting far worse in all honesty...

"Oh no, did she break anything?"

"Don't know yet for sure, but possibly"

Ok my Gramma is 91 years old with late stage osteoporosis, she fell on pavement, the chances are pretty good something broke or cracked.

"I was hoping you'd be able to go down to the hospital in Mtn Home with me tonight but since your at work guess not huh?"

"No because we don't have anyone to fill in unfortunately, I might be able to get someone for tomorrow night though, not sure I'll have to make a phone call or two to see if he can do it."

"Guess you won't be able to go down tomorrow either then if you have to work. *sigh*"

"Oh like hell I won't, what time do you want to leave? I can sleep while you drive if I can't find someone to work."

"OH I shoulda expected that shouldn't I have?"

No shit Sherlock, this is my Gramma, my hero, the woman who has taught me so much, and yet I have a suspicion has forgotten more than I'll ever begin to know, she ranks third only below #1 God & #2 my children....I will be there even if it means forfeiting a few hours of sleep

"Uh DUH ya this is GRAMMA we're talking about, so what time do you want to leave?"

Well after that we got into the mundane conversation of the logistics of our trip to the hospital and all that jazz.

Now as I mentioned my Gramma is 91 years old. She's lived through the Great Depression, mumps, measels, not one but TWO lightning strikes (the second one rendered her blind for 6 months and almost killed her), two very difficult pregnancies, loosing her husband (my paternal Grandfather) due to a massive brain aneurism that left him in a brain dead state with no hope of recovery, she had to make the decision to take him off life support facing having to raise my Dad and Aunt (ages 11 and 9 at the time) having over 200 acres of crops in the field to look after and the farm animals that made their living, 5 step children and another husband, 27 (no that's not a typo) surgeries over the years some major & thankfully most not, my Dad about being killed in a semi accident almost 37 years ago, loosing two step children to fatal accidents (one in 1957, and one in 2007) and I'm sure many other trying times and incidents that I'm not even aware of. She's my hero. No other way to say it. There is nobody in this world I look up to more or respect more than my Grandmother.

A few years ago she had to have rotator cuff surgery, which for most is a relatively minor surgery. Her's was a bit more serious as she has COPD and the anesthesia was a concern. Luckily they were in their winter home of Arkansas so I could go to be there just in case something happened. The surgery went wonderfully, a complete success. I was a nervous wreck as it took her a little while longer than expected to come out of the anesthesia and as soon as they said she could have visitors, I made a beeline for her room. I was totally unprepared for the sight that met me there. I was expecting her to be groggy, the IV's, the monitor equipment....sure. What I wasn't expecting was my normally vibrant, active Gramma to look so fragile. She had fallen back asleep in the few minutes it took that nurse to come and get us. She looked comfortable yes, but so vunerable at the same time. According to my Dad, my face went ashen and he couldn't begin to explain my expression, he said my face drained of color and just went slack. He seriously thought I was going to faint. That's when Gramma's age hit me, she was old. Even worse, our time was short with her. I smoothed her short permed white hair back like I would one of my children's when they were sick and she woke up. I guess my face was still pretty blank and she reached for me and said "Child, I'm ok, are you?" I couldn't speak very well but I managed to mumble "Ya I'm fine, I uhhhh wellll....." and she said "Ya honey, I'm old, we don't look so great when we're waking up" and chuckled. Oh the sound of that familiar laugh, it lifted all the weight off my shoulders, I KNEW Gramma was going to be ok then. Then she scared me, she asked everyone but me to leave. My Aunt, Dad, my Dh and her nurse all left and it was just me and her. She asked me to write down my full name and social security number and I did but I had to ask why. She just said that she needed them for some legal paperwork, her will. I told her I didn't want anything but her, whatever she was putting in there to give to the Dr's to keep her going for years to come. She smiled and looked at me with the MOST serene, thoughtful look I've EVER seen and said "Oh my dear dear girl, you've always been Grandma's girl haven't you?" "Yes Gramma, forever and always, you know that" in not much more than a whisper, it was all I could manage as I felt like my heart was being twisted. "Dear C, I'm old when God calls for me, I have no choice in the matter. You understand that day is coming don't you?" I couldn't speak, all I could do was hold her hand in both of mine and nod as a scared child would. "Good, now I've lived a magnificent, though at times, difficult life. I'm tired, I'm ready to go home. Not out of malice or spite mind you, but I am just tired. I don't expect you to understand, your still a child, but one day you will....." At that point the nurse knocked on the door because she needed to take Gramma's temp again, and the rest of my family came back in. Of all of the conversations I've had in my short life of 32 years, that one scared me the most of all. It was my realization that while Gramma is tough, she's not invincible and someday I will loose her too. The last few years I have made peace with that as I've watched her age. I'm not looking forward to it, and I'll do anything in my power to postpone it out of sheer selfishness.

Now we face surgery #28, and well.......

I'm scared....but I will be there no matter how scared I am, because this is MY Gramma.

Dh and the great used car debate

2008-02-10T04:53:00.000-06:00

Used car........two very small words but when paired together can cause monumental apprehension to people. Being me those words have never frightened me probably for the fact that I know just enough about vehicles to know when someone is blowing smoke up my neather regions. New car strikes more fear for me because I know the insurance is going to be just about as much as the monthly car payment.

Last week there was a disagreement of the minds around my house. My wonderful Dh had decided to purchase a used car from one of our co-workers. No problem as I know this co worker well enough to know he wasn't going to sell us something that was a POS. Sure it needs a little work but for $1,100 and the parts we need already being purchased, who could complain (especially when we could do the work ourselves as the repair is a reliatively minor job). Where the disagreement came from was about WHO is going to be driving this little gem. Dh's truck is starting to have a few motor issues and I was under the impression he was going to drive this car. Apparently Dh had told his 16 yr old daughter she could drive it. Now he had mentioned that idea and I told him my answer would depend on what it did to our insurance....she could drive one of the cars (either mine or the one he was about to purchase) but it had to be the one that was cheapest on the insurance. He seemed to agree with that and we went about our daily lives. Sitting at my computer last week imagine my surprize when I got informed by my 16 yr old step daughter that Daddy was buying this car for her. I was pissed. Not for the fact so much that he supposedly was buying this car for "her" I later realized but for several other reasons. Some having to do directly with her but most not. #1 She's been driving MY car for months now which is a minor inconvience to me sometimes as it's all we have that comfortably fits the other kids but I have my truck to drive and I don't take ALL the kids places very often #2 I've been pushing for 6 months for this girl to get a job to help pay these extra bills associated with her driving (my insurance jumped $40 a month just to insure her and lets not even get started on how much gas she's putting through my car and all the miles she's putting on it) #3 We have 5 kids at home, and in the next 4 years we'll have two more 16 year olds and now they are going to expect (and rightfully so now that he's done this) us to provide them with cars #4 I work 3 jobs......yes you read that right 3 jobs. I have my "real" job here at the PD, my 2nd job where I put in between 4-20 hours a week at Dollar General, and my 3rd job waiting tables at the local cafe that was previously my "real" job prior to the PD. Money was tight due to some medical bills, legal bills and the upcoming holidays so I worked in the area of 60-70 hrs some weeks to cover everything. Now excuse me if I'm a bit cranky when it comes to my wonderful Dh and his daughter spending MY money a bit loosely for non essential items (like $40 worth of gas every week for her to have the privelige of putting miles on my car). So when I got informed that this was going to be "HER" car, my blood boiled. Not a picturesque simmer of water for spagetti, a rolling sterilizing medical instrements kind of boil. I did not unleash my wrath on the child as I realized that this was her father's doing and I needed to take it up with him. Now it's not my money that bought the car, but my paychecks are the ones going into the joint checking account that the car insurance comes out of. Dh rarely if ever puts money into it, so at that point forsaw ME paying the extra insurance. Well Dh got home and I promptly followed him into the bedroom and gave him about 5 minutes to unwind and demanded answers. He assured me he didn't buy the car to give to the girl, but rather he had told her she could drive it. When I asked about the insurance his face went blank. He admitted he just ASSUMED that I'd cover it. Ehhhh wrong answer, try again. He very quickly got informed that I'd be putting my paychecks into my private bank account and then I'd put enough in joint checking to cover what the insurance premium is now....whatever the insurance went up, him and his daughter were responsible for. I got a sincere "Yes dear..." and again our lives went on.

Well the car came home Friday. The 16 year old was being royally annoying with her excitement. I was still a bit miffed and hadn't really put my finger on why....till a couple hours later. For 10 years me and Dh have been together, and we've had to start pretty much from scratch which meant giving up some of the things I'd have liked to have had. For years I've wanted a fast sports car. Not some new off the dealer lot kind of fast car, but rather a old muscle car kind of car. Again I got pushed to the back for someone else and well it pissed me off considering all the hours I've been working to pay bills that technically weren't even mine. Lets just say I was feeling a little jilted and put on the back burner. So when Dh came in, I again laid into him asking when I got my new car. That's when he made the worst mistake he could have........he LAUGHED. Then he saw the look on my face and realized the mistake. I was so mad I was near tears. The the "well when you find something let me know" started. I told him to kiss my white ass at that point and stomped in to the bedroom to get ready for work. He dutifuly came in about 10 minutes later and said "Really, I meant it...I really did...." Internally I was cursing him with words my Marine grandfather would blush at but I just looked at him. Not sure how as I was trying to keep my teeth from biting though my lower lip at that point.

Flash forward to last night:

Dh came home from work and I was happily tapping on my faithful keyboard. We went through our post work chit chat and fell into the normal routine we have in the evenings. Now we are having an ice storm from hell and he was worried about the grocery situation as it looks like the roads will be horrid the next few days. As I'm getting ready to go to town with him, I told him "Heeeeeyyyy remember the other day?"

"Uhhh ummmm no. What?"

"Ya ya do, the one where I wanted to whap you upside the head with my tennis racket"

"Um dear, you wanted to do that several days last week I think, that doesn't help"

"The car discussion day..."

"OHHHH THAT day...ya I won't forget that for awhile. Oh boy, what did you find?"

"Nothing that I can afford quite yet but I do know what I want"

He sat on the bed with the deer in headlights look

"Remember dear, a '69 Vette isn't going to handle our road well and well you'd have to get another job to pay the insurance"

"Ya I know, not what I have in mind...."

"Pass me some of your Excedrin please, I think I'm going to need it"

"Nah, I want a '76 or a '79 Pontiac Firebird....V8, manual, with a limited slip differential, and the original honey comb wheels...preferably dark blue, black or dark dark red. Keep your ears open and ask Terry and some of the other guys to also....ok?"

He passed out....I win (I think)

Ahhhh spring in the Ozarks.....pfffftttttt

2008-02-09T03:20:00.000-06:00

Spring is well on it's way to us here in the southern Missouri Ozarks. How do I know this? Easy, work tells me it's so. I had my suspicions last weekend due to the craziness we encountered, but this weekend (and this weekend is just beginning) confirmed my fear.

Being a lowly police/fire dispatcher isn't as bad as one might think most of the time. Ya ya we have to deal with the occasional life threating situation, but as long as you keep your head on your shoulders and don't freak out things go pretty smoothly. Dealing with the disgruntled public, thats another thing that's just part of the nature of the beast. Let them vent, answer their questions and if worse comes to worse, tell them that if they can't be sensible, there isn't much you can do to help them....if all else fails, while they are threating your job hang up on them. Yes it's probably rude, but living in a town of 2,500 people, it's not THAT surprizing if you know the mayor and everyone on city counsel and doesn't mean your THAT important. No we can't tell them that per se, but we certainly aren't expected to put up with verbal assaults over the telephone either because we can't tell them they are being an idiot. Most of the time, our shifts are pretty boring and that's good. Until spring......that's when the unsavory characters start crawling out from under their rocks.....OHHHHH GOODIE. There is an upside to that though. It's an ego boost. You realize that while you have your faults, they could be oh so much worse. Tonight was one of those nights for me most certainly.

Being a Friday night, we (me and my on duty officer) were expecting to have to work. Nothing unusual we've become accustomed to that and actually look forward to it since the rest of our week is usually pretty boring. Now that being said, our night didn't start quite on the note we would have prefered. I got here first as I came in a half hour early so the guy I was taking over for could go home and feed his cows during daylight. There was a note for my night officer from a local manager at a local factory, didn't think too much about it. My officer came in about 15 minutes after I did and I gave him his note and went back to my chatting. After calling the guy that left the message, he left to go do a well being check on a fellow that lives in one of the local slum apartment buildings. The guy hadn't shown up for work the last 4 days and they were getting concerned. Well he went to check, the guy's car wasn't there, no one answered the door when he knocked, no funky odors met him at the door, all seemed well. Nothing more he could do, unless we have pretty good evidence of something hinky going on, we can't go kicking in doors and breaking into personal residences....that pesky 4th amendment prohibits us from that, go figure. I got a call from the officer telling me what he'd found out (or lack of what he'd found) and asked me to call the guy's landlord to see if he knew anything. So I call the landlord and lo and behold nope he's not seen the guy either, but if he happens to come to town he'll go in the apartment to check on the water lines and such and he'll call us to let us know what he finds out. Ok great, that works for me. After finishing that small detail my officer heads home for supper, and I settle in for some chatting and watching the Bud shootout practice on Speed channel. Phone rings.....oh goodie. I answer to which a self important windbag (can't give out names sorry) proclaiming he's being stalked and due to who he is, we know who's stalking him (sadly enough, ya we did) and he wants to get this shit nipped in the bud. So I holler at my officer interrupting his supper to inform him of this fellow's prediciment and he hightails it to the guys location. Upon his arrival both the stalker and stalkee are there. We've dealt with these fine folks for upwards of 2 1/2 years off and on so we know them quite well. And it's always bullshit kinda stuff...former lovers that have it in their heads that the other one is always out to get them or make them miserable in some way, shape or form. Us being the public servants we are, exist to make sure that the other leaves them alone because heaven forbid, they see one another in such a large metropolitan area such as ours. Well my officer informs them they've managed to leave us out of their quabbles for the last 6 months or better, we'd like it to stay that way and in all honesty we're tired of their shit. (All true but not very good for public relations.) We're expecting a complaint to be lodged against him in the morning. All of this and we've not even been on duty for an hour, NOT the way we wanted to start our night as it looms ominous possiblities for the rest of the 11 hours we have to spend together.

Next call.....well before I tell this story I have to give some background so you can truly appreciate how retarded it really is...

There are certain addresses in our fair town that there must be some kind of gasses or something seeping up from under the ground below them. These addresses are magnets for idiots to be quite frank. For the last month we've been dealing with one of these addresses. One of the incidents was that the tenent in the home (it's a rental) was being bothered by her mentally unstable ex husband. Repeatedly we were called over there to shoo him off because he was harrasing her. Then one day, a call to come over there because he's ranting and raving, refusing to leave. Our Chief of all officers was on duty, and goes over there, tells this fella to come on over to the car and the guy threatens to kill our Chief and refuses to put down the weapon in his hand......oh not bright on his part. He does start walking towards the Chief but stops and refuses to come further saying Chief is going to have to bring him in by force. Now mind you, the guy was/is a mental case, but still pretty stupid. After backup arrives the guy surrenders and they bring him in.....just to do a mental health committment on him. The next week another incident.....while working I get a frantic 911 call that there is a guy at that same address that had barged his way in and is getting the shit kicked out of him. I send an officer over and that was an understatement. My officers end up bringing in 3 guys, two in pretty good shape and one that well to be honest....I thought he was black. Don't see many of them in our area as it's a small southern town, still very racist in many ways. Then I notice the guy's arm in my monitor....it's white......WTF? His head is black and his arm is white. I had to know what that was about so I leave my desk to wander down the hallway to the holding area. What I saw there would have been enough to make some chuck their cookies. To say this guy had been beaten was an understatement and the reason he looked black in the monitor....he was completely covered in blood. Not for the squeamish...one of his eyes was swollen shut, his nose obviously broken, various knots forming on his head, some nasty looking lacerations on the top, and side of his head, both lips broken open, and that was just what I could see from 4 feet away. These are the kind of incidents we've been encountering at least every 4-5 days at this address, we're getting kind of tired of it to be honest. Now with these kind of things in mind, read tonights incidents from people associated with this address. First a person that's moving out calls demanding to know why the people moving in were stopped by my officer and told that they were stopped because of living at that address and possible drug activity going on at that address. Ok first, my officer hadn't made any traffic stops at that point, second, even if he had, he's not gonna be telling the people that's why he stopped them. I told her that as far as our shifts, we hadn't done it and I had no idea what that was all about. She was appreciative of the info and we hung up on good terms. Fifteen minutes later another woman calls, this didn't go so well. It was the Mom of the guy that was "accused" of dealing the dope in and out of there DEMANDING to speak to the officer that stopped her boy and his fiancee'. Oy, I go through my spiel all over again and inform her my officer is out on patrol, I'm the only one here. OMG she goes off on me, and while she's raving I'm feeling my ear start to get wet.....ACK........it's oozing through the phone to get me. Great just what I need, to loose more grey matter. I swear my intelligence diminishes just a shade everytime I speak or deal with these kind of people. Luckily once I've been away from them for a bit, it comes back. It's odd, but I swear it's true. Finally she stops for a breath and I ask her for a call back number, I'll have my officer to call her to ease her concerns. After a shocked gasp that I would do that for her, she gave me her phone number and thanked me and hung up. WHEW TG, the end of the phone calls. Luckily that's as far as it went at that address tonight because by the time my officer dealt with that woman, I really think he might have put alot of us out of our misery and just went over there shooting.

At this point, I'm convinced, somebody is out there flipping over rocks and these things are crawling out of their winter hiding spots. I swear it, wish they'd quit flipping over our rocks so they'd quit escaping and we could enjoy our spring that's well on it's way to our fine area.

Just another night in paradise...

2008-01-22T20:20:00.000-06:00

It's Monday...for me anyways. After having a glorious 6 days off I really wasn't looking forward to trudging to the salt mine. I did though just like I do any other Monday. I am lucky in many ways, because being a police/fire dispatcher and jailer in a small town isn't the busiest job. I am fortunate enough to hang out with all my friends in IM most of the time. I would probably loose what little mind I have left due to boredom if it weren't for those wonderful peeps that keep me amused (ya'll know who you are :D). After having a few days off, some things became glaringly apparent to me tonight, and you my wonderful reader get to read all about them.

First of all, I work in the same office as my Dh. For 2 weeks of the month, our shifts overlap, he's here till about 11pm. Normally this isn't a big deal, it gives us a chance at some adult conversation and to go over things concerning the kids out of their earshot (amazing how their hearing improves when you don't want them to hear you huh?). Other times though, I'd give just about anything to have one of us someplace else. For instance, the night before last we had some freezing rain/sleet move in that glazed the entire area in ice. Luckily I was at home and didn't have to work as the amount of slide off's and accidents was high. Unfortunately, my Dh worked. He does security patrols around our fair town and assists the officers when he can. So upon him crawling out of bed at 10 this morning I got to hear all about the dumbass that would not take his foot off the brake and kept sliding on the ice. I could definitely understand Dh's irritation with the fellow because he simply would NOT listen. I don't mind hearing what happens at work when I'm not here for the fact I am nosey. I also like to be one step ahead of the general public, I feel I'm entitled since I'm having to deal with it on a professional level. All that aside, I hear about several more slideoff's and a couple of accidents, then all about this guy that wouldn't take his foot off the brake. I knew I'd hear this all day so I hid, in my bed, under the guise of taking my before work nap. Fast forward to 6pm....walk in the door to the office and guess what I'm hearing at 6:15pm...yup about the putz that wouldn't take his foot off the brake pedal. I hear this roughly 5 more times until 10:30 when he went home tonight. Oy and he says I ramble...

Well in the middle of listening to that story for about the 3rd time, I realized it'd been awhile since I'd done our monthly test. I logged in and sure enough, in true SHE fashion I found myself 3 months behind in my monthly tests. Luckily the boss hadn't noticed it yet so thought I'd save him the trouble of leaving me a nastygram "reminding" me to get them done. Sounds like a great way of tuning him out or getting him out of my hair right? WRONG....Tickers....Who the hell came up with that grand idea. I don't mind taking the tests, they kill time and are sometimes interesting. What has made me dislike them more than Dh's ex-wife is the page tickers. Now I have always been a fast reader, probably always will be so when I have to wait a minute and a half to turn the page on this test it really annoys the begeebers outta me. Top that with the slide off story and I'm ready to go through the ceiling. Even worse, Dh noticed I was taking my tests and announced to me "Oh I know how those bore you because of that page lag, I'll keep you company." OH JOY!!! Of course I didn't say that but I did tell him that if he had something else to do I was really ok. I know he meant well but oh my, with PMS setting in, not the time. Luckily someone else came in and he went to bestow his story upon them.

Flash forward to about 3am.....I am bored, VERY bored and I go to flip through the tv channels. Why is it at 3 am it's all "male enhancement" commercials, insomnia commercials, and bed commercials? Oh and you can't forget the get rich quick commercials by any means. I guess they think people are loosing sleep because they aren't big enough, have insomnia, a bed that sucks, or they don't have oodles and gobs of money. GREAT......Just what I want to watch. All of my friends have long went to bed and I'm stuck with this muck. Makes me want to just strangle who ever actually obliges these marketers with "I'm SO glad I saw your commercial!" and buys this stuff.

Man I need to find more things to do at work.......

Wanted:

2007-09-16T23:00:00.000-05:00

WANTED:

Working brain cells wanted. Need many as mine have been totally fried by 7 kids, 2 paying jobs, 2 very demanding non paying job (aka Mom and Dear Honey), family that thrives on drama. If you find any of mine that I may have lost (you'll recognize them I'm sure, they will be sporting a Jack and Coke in one hand and have their thumb up in hopes of hitching a ride to someplace warm year round where there is sand, sun, and free drinks :D....and no kids), please scoop them up and send me a comment as to where they were found and where to pick them up. On the other hand, just shoot the lil jerks for abandoning me when I need them LOL.

All kidding aside, if I make it thru my childrens childhood with any of my neurotic pathways still intact it will be a small miracle. I always knew being a Mom wasn't gonna be easy but geez criminy, never knew it was gonna be like this. I know I drove my Mom to the brink of insanity more than a few times, but even with the "your kids will be 7 times worse than you" curse over my head, I never imagined this. I was ornery (ya go figure huh :D) but OMG this surpasses anything I imagined my "payback" to be.

A tomboy at heart, I never got too much into the typical girl stuff that most girls do. Make-up, ya i wore it, but only because I found it much easier to hook up with guys that I wanted when I wore it. (Don't even say what your thinking LOL). Skirts were well pretty much the same thing.....with the added bonus of I looked better in them than most of my competition when vying for the guy I wanted. Hairspray.......ahhhhh now there is a multi purpose item. First use... the empty pump bottle...wash out well, and used to transport alcholic beverages to places that they were banned aka school field trips, prom, dances, you get the picture I suppose. Second use aerosol cans...combined with a lighter made a really great flame thrower that sure impressed the guys. Last but not least, to actually use on your hair (how dull huh?) Oh forgot another use, after finishing a charcoal drawing or pencil drawing, spray it with hairspray so it wouldn't smudge on the way to my drawing class. Ok enough of hairspray, on to other girly items now. Nair :D, now there is a fun one....many guys that were asses to me and/or my friends would find himself without an eyebrow (or maybe two), various other uses including words Naired into their leg hair or chest hair or back hair as a minor punishment for being a jerk :D. Lipstick HAHA, hated wearing it, but it was great to "decorate" things with :D. Not a complete list, but you get the idea.

Keeping that in mind, comprehend this........6 kids total (NO not all of them are biologically mine, if they were well I'd be in a nuthouse someplace pulling my ear, my "blankie" tucked under my arm, and sucking my thumb while sitting indian style on the floor of my padded room rocking back and forth). Of those how many boys do you think we have been blessed with? TWO!!!!
Meaning the remaining FOUR are girls! OMG.......and all but possibly 1 of those are girly girls! ( The 4 yr old, there is still hope for her :D) I am lost in a daze of cheerleader lala land. Estrogen seeps from every nook and cranny of our house. It's awful! Being of the t-shirt and jeans fashion club, I feel like the deer in the crosshairs when confronted with "Do these shoes match this outfit?" or "Ewwwww there is a spider" "Ewwwww you squashed it with your shoe....and you're gonna wear it now!" Oh another thing, if I hear IDK (yes said just like that) one more time, I swear I'm gonna......... well swear. Tis enuf to drive a crazy person sane!

Now I know everyone is under this misconception that boys are the hardest to raise. NOOOOOO NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO.......you try living with a houseful of girls when your not one of "them" (aka girly girl). I dare ya, no I quadruple dare ya on that one. Gimmie the boys anyday!