Balancing Act

MEN!!!! I swear, for the most part I get along with them pretty damned good, but there are times that I could just pinch their wee heads off (the ones atop their shoulders...get yer mind outta the gutter).

On March 28th, our house burnt. Not as in slightly smoked and mildly charred, I mean lost most everything, well done, floors with huge burn holes in them burnt. Long story short, I guess according to the insurance guy, lightning hit our roof and started a fire in the rafters. We found a few things salvageable but for the most part most everything was lost. Kids clothes, toys, beds, tv's, computer, washer and dryer, fireplace, dvd players, video games, books *POOF* fried to a crisp. It's gut wrenching to say the least when you start to make that list of personal property for the insurance claim. With the month I've had, I HAD to double my anxiety meds and do all of this very slowly to say the least. Daniel is getting pretty huffy with me, but he's got a choice, either I do it slow and right, or I do it fast, screw it up, and end up flipping out completely and having to possibly be hospitalized. In all honesty, that hospitalization is sounding pretty damn good after tonight.

The scene: Here at the office, we work out of the same office, overlapping shifts

Topic: The bank account

Instigator: Daniel

Aggravated and majorly stressed and pissed off: Yours truly

Out in the firebay I was talking to my cousin on the phone. Her and her Mom are coming down at the end of the week to pick up my recently widowed Grandfather to take him back to Iowa. I had no more than wrapped up my conversation with her, and standing in the doorway was Daniel...

"WTH is going on with the bank account?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last week I put in both our paychecks which was about $XX, and then we had that loan proceed check which was $XX, and by last Saturday we only had $XX left. Why is it when we have money in the bank account it gets spent that fast?"

Well before I could answer, the office phone rang much to his great fortune and his great dismay all at the same time. I don't think he realized how postal I was about to go on him. Ya I've spent quite a bit of $$ in the last month, but AHEM...kids need clothes, we need groceries, things need to be replaced in general. Ok maybe I didn't HAVE to have the new sewing/embroidery machine we bought (but in my defense, it was marked down to half price on clearance AND I made him come with me so it's not like he didn't know I bought it or anything), or the computer I got off Ebay (there again, another great deal that he knew about) and a few other small things I picked up here and there. Then again he didn't HAVE to buy a riding lawn mower/garden tractor, and fork out God knows how much to his kids. Also, again, I haven't finished the personal property list and that will be a pretty healthy check in it's own right. Which I'm pretty sure he's gonna try to appropriate funds from for stuff HE wants as well. I'm not against that, but dammit all, I don't bitch at him for what he spends, so I kind of expect the same courtesy. I also don't expect to get my ass chewed for replacing things we need to run our household on a daily basis.

I know he's trying to quit chewing tobacco, his slipped disk hurts him all the time, and add on top of that the stress that having kids around (esp teenagers) creates, and it can make for a very cranky person. I'm trying to keep all that in my mind when I have to deal with his outbursts, but I would also expect that he would keep in mind that I'M the one having to deal with the insurance company, do all the listing, the constant reminder of what I once had, I don't anymore, dealing with kids stuff, and working 60 hrs a week lately all while trying to keep my sanity.

I don't know what the answer is, or if there even is one, but the closest I can see is going back to separate accounts. This just overwhelmingly reminds me why I chose to do that months ago anyways. I thought maybe we could get along during this crisis and what it would do to our bank account but forget that, it's just not going to happen.