Monday, September 29, 2008

Ghosts IV

Jason and I grew closer and closer throughout the spring and summer. We did all the things boyfriends and girlfriends did in our small town. We went to each other's practices, dances, and various "functions" (he was in football, I was in track, band, and art club), to the movies, hung out at Toni and his house, and so on and so forth. I loved being with his entire family. Their Mom became my 2nd Mom, making sure I was doing well in school, practicing my flute (which was easy since Toni and I both played the flute), and making sure I stayed in line. Time passed in a happy blur for me, with Jason beside me. They had started attending a new church sometime that summer. I didn't pay too much attention to it at first. I did notice that some things changed around their house like all movies that were deemed "immoral or inappropriate" were gotten rid of and we were forbidden to rent such movies, swearing ceased, and there were multiple Bible studies during the week. I went to church with them a few times, and it seemed like a nice church but a little strange to me as I'm Lutheran, and they were going to a Jehovah's Witness church.

One Sunday afternoon I went over to their house after I had gotten out of church. Their Mom met me at the door with a pained look on her face and I immediately panicked thinking something was wrong with someone. She assured me that everyone was ok, and told me to come in, that all of us needed to have a "talk". She was so serious it scared me, but I reluctantly followed her into the kitchen where everyone was gathered around the kitchen table. Jason was slumped over with his head on the table and his Mom went to stand behind him. Their Dad was sitting next to him with his hand on Jason's back. Toni was sitting across from them patting the chair next to her for me to sit in. I slowly crept towards the chair, a ball forming in the pit of my stomach as I sat down. As I sat across from Jason he slowly raised his head and he had been crying. His eyes were all red and poofy, his cheeks wet and red, and he looked utterly miserable. He looked at his parents and then looked back to me muttering "I can't do it...Mom, Dad...PLEASE...I just can't do it, it hurts to bad." I started to ask what was going on when his Dad started to explain:

"Chris, today as a family we decided to become official members of the Jehovah's Witness congregation."

"Oh that's great, I'm glad you finally found a church that you all like and are into...but if your so gung ho about it, why is Jason so upset? Jason, what's wrong...tell can tell me anything, you know that."

Jason and Toni's Mom continued...

"Sweetheart, you've been to church with us, what do YOU think of it?"

"Ummm the people were nice, some of the church's teachings are strange to me, but I'm a Lutheran, why?"

"So you have no interest in converting to our church?"

"NO, I love my church and religion...Why would I want to convert?"

Jason started sobbing at that point.

I eyeballed all of them suspiciously, and asked Toni what was going on, and why was I being asked if I wanted to convert.

Toni looked at her parents for direction and again their Mom picked up the ball.

"Chris, you know we all adore you honey, especially Jason..."

"Ya I know, and I love all of you too...Mom what's going on?!?"

She let out a deep pained sigh and continued...

"Well one of our beliefs is that a boy or girl shouldn't date until they are ready to get married and are looking for a future spouse. Do you realize what the means?"

My stomach fell to my toes and my heart felt like someone was ripping it out of my chest as I answered...

"OH...yea I understand that belief, Toni and I have talked about that before. So Jason and I can't go out anymore?" I choked out the words in disbelief.

Toni grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze as I tried not to cry over loosing Jason. I looked at her and she told me...

"That's what's wrong with Jason, he's been like this ever since Mom and Dad finished formally joining the church. I'm so sorry Chris, I know it hurts. C'mon, lets go to my room, I know you don't like to cry around people." Toni got up and put her arms around me trying to hug me and get me to stand up out of my chair all at once. I accepted her hug but refused to budge out of my seat. This was complete lunacy in my mind. What kind of religion caused it's followers pain in their lives in any way? The questions reeled through my young mind as I started asking questions. What I asked I can't exactly recall, but their parents answered all of them with complete conviction. The only question I remember asking them was if that is why they had asked me if I had any interest in converting to their new church. They told me yes it was, that they hated that Jason and I had to break up as they thought we were made for one another, and they apologized for having to do it.

Jason looked up at me totally distraught. He looked like he was being torn in two looking between his family and me. About twenty seconds was all of that I could take and I ran past them, down the garage stairs and outside.

I crawled into the bed of the El Camino Jason had been restoring for when he got his drivers license. I cried...bitter, hot, heartbroken teenage tears. Toni came out and found me by listening to my sobs. She climbed into the back of the Cammy with me and put her arms around me and I just sobbed how unfair it was. I cried until I ran out of tears in her arms. I sat there staring at the stars, wondering how long it would take for them to break way from that wretched church and Jason and I could get back together. Mom came out to check on us occasionally and Toni went inside to get us some Dr Peppers at some point. When Toni left I climbed out of the back of the El Camino and into the front seat. Sometime while I was sobbing in the back, Jason had came out and gotten in the Cammy. As I slid into the passenger seat, I looked up and there he was, still crying.

"Chris, I'm so sorry...I didn't want it to end this way, I don't want it to end at all."

"Jason...Why? I'm not asking you to choose me over God, but you were happy going to the Christian church, and while you were there we could be together...What happened?"

Anger slowly crept over Jason's face amongst the tears as he slammed his fist against the steering wheel.

"Don't you get it? Dad is the head of the household, I have no choice! Mom has no choice. Toni has no choice. If Dad wants us to join this church we HAVE to join as well!" he screamed at me.

"Ok ok I get it, I understand, but, but, but I hate it. I just absolutely HATE it! I love you, I don't want to let you go! PLEASE Jason there has to be some way, some how...Hold me Jason, just this once, I need you...someone...please" I whispered pleading with Jason still crying.

We slid over at the same time and I collapsed in his arms. As I slumped against his chest, I saw his parents out the window, his Dad starting towards the car and Mom grabbing his arm pulling him back. As he looked back at her, she shook her head at him and I saw her say something to him and he stopped stepping back beside her, staring at us in the car.

I don't know how long we spent in the car just holding one another, each of us crying but at some point Mom came to the car and knocked on the window. Jason rolled down the window and she motioned for us to get out of the car. Very reluctantly we got out of the car and she told me that my Dad was on his way to get me.

Toni stepped up from behind me and guided me to the porch from the side yard. We sat in silence, my head on her shoulder, crying. Shortly afterwards, Mom came outside and Jason was trailing behind her.

"Chris, it'll be a few minutes before your Dad is here. I think both you and Jason need to say your good-byes sweetheart, but I have to stay out here with you."

I stuttered "Ok" and Jason stepped around his Mom and gathered me in his arms. I grabbed him violently as if my life depended on it and he clutched me back. His cologne, the fabric softener, the softness of his shirt, the buttons pressing into my cheek, his strong arms wrapped around me, the cool breeze wrapping around us and rustling the leaves on the ground. We stood there, tightly wrapped in each other's arms as time stood still.

Soon I heard a truck pull up to the curb and whispers from that general direction. Shortly afterwards I heard my Dad...

"Jason, I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but you have to let go, I have it from here. Take care son."

"Take care of her, PLEASE...take good good care of her sir."

"I will, I promise, I always do." my Dad reassured Jason as he gathered me from Jason's arms and I fell against him fresh sobs starting.

"Daddy, oh Daddy...." and my voice trailed off...

Dad smoothed my ruffled hair and picked me up like when I was little girl...

"I know, broken hearts hurt more than broken bones...lets go for a ride sis."

Dad carried me to his truck and Toni opened the door for him. He sat me in the truck seat, and shut the door. I heard Toni asking Dad to take care of me and he reassured her he would, and he thanked their parents for calling him and postponing this until he was going to be home.

As Dad got into the truck he asked me if there was anyplace I wanted to go. Still crying I wasn't able to answer him as he dragged his box of Kleenex out from behind the seat, but I shook my head no. I sat there, snotty and drippy, staring at Jason out the window of my Dad's truck. He looked as devastated and hopeless as I felt.

Dad drove north out of town, the town whizzing past. He handed me a cold Dr Pepper, and turned on the radio. I leaned over on Daddy's shoulder, fighting back the tears as I tried sipping my pop. Dad stopped at a convenience store on the way out of town and called Mom to let her know I was with him and we'd be a while before we were home.

Dad drove out to his farm and pulled into the parking lot adjoining the gate facing the cemetery.

"I bet you wish you were out there with them huh?" he asked me nodding his head towards the headstones across the road.

I shrugged and cuddled up to him as the evening was getting rather cool. He wrapped his jacket around me and his arm around my shoulders.

"God, it was so much easier when you were 5. McDonald's and an ice cream cone made anything, any boo boo, any disappointment or heartbreak all better. I wish I knew what it would take to make this all better, but I don't. Time is the only thing that can do that, and I can't speed time up." As he finished, Dad let out a sigh that made me realize that he'd been where I was, even if it was years ago.

I eventually cried myself to sleep with Daddy holding me. When I woke up, Daddy was carrying me into the house. He gently roused me enough to get my pajamas on and get ready for bed. I crawled into my bed, and popped a couple of tapes into my stereo and as Peter Cetera sang, I cried into my pillow. Soon I felt someone sit on the edge of my bed, stroke my hair, and pull my covers up.

"I'm so sorry baby, love hurts, but it fades with time, I just hope it's fast for you..." his voice trailed off as I heard Mom walk away from my door muttering...

"For Christ's sake, she's 13, she has no earthly idea what heartbreak is..." her voice irritated and trailing off as she stomped down the hallway.

A kiss to the top of my head, and he left as swiftly as he came in...then the yelling began...again...and I turned my stereo up, praying to God to end it all, by whatever means he felt necessary, and reciting my standby bedtime prayer...

"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take

... and sometime drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ghosts part III

I never expected my unexpected outburst in the car that afternoon to lead to a domino like chain of events in my relationship with my Mom. While normally cool towards me, my Mom's attitude towards me slowly over time got worse. I was expected to be home when she wanted or needed me there, which was namely when she worked, then vanish when I was inconvenient to her. As a 12 yr old, that was fine with me, I preferred to be with my friends or at work anyways. A long time friend of my parents needed someone to clean his house and help around the ranch a few hours a week. Luckily he had came over for dinner and I overheard their conversation as I came in from working outside. We talked a bit, and I had a job.

Now when Dad came in off the truck and was home for a few days, things were completely different then when he was gone. I was either at work, school or with Dad. That's just the way it was and I was so happy during those times. Didn't matter that I was working my hind end off when I was with my Dad around the trailer court him and Mom owned, all that mattered was I was with my Dad. Mom showed some interest in me too when he was home, but Dad after a few months felt the change between the two of us. He asked me a few times what was going on and I flat told him I was tired of Mom coddling my little brother. Dad understood totally and it was left at that.

When Dad wasn't home, I feel into an uneasy routine. On the days my Mom worked, I went to school, came home, watched my brother, if I had to work out at the ranch my boss would come and get both me and my brother and I'd go to work. On the days Mom didn't work, I'd come home, dump my school stuff, and head to my best friend Toni's house. On weekends, I'd clean house all morning while I was watching my brother, then when Mom got home or I finished cleaning, I'd head out to Toni's house.

When I wasn't at school, home, or work, I was hanging out with my best friend Toni at her house. We basically did 12 yr old kid stuff like playing video games, talking about anything and everything, going to the pool, hanging out and playing with the other neighborhood kids, walking around town exploring, listening to music, watching movies, and bugging her older brother Jason. For Toni it was just the sisterly thing to do bugging him, for me, he was HOT and I really liked him ALOT. He was two years our senior and a football player...oh goodness, me oh my. I guess he liked me too because we started "going out" that spring. Well off and on we did...there was another neighborhood girl me and Toni's age that he kept breaking up with me to "go out" with. She was a poor girl as her Mom was disabled and Jason kept telling me it was because he felt sorry for her. Being naive, I totally believed him, and would go back out with him.

This went on all school year long and at the end of Christmas break I FINALLY figured out what was going on. I had spent the night at Toni's and us girls slept in the living room as Toni's room was REALLY small. Jason, Toni, and I had stayed up late watching movies and Toni fell asleep sometime during "Top Gun". After she fell asleep, Jason crawled off the couch and into my sleeping bag on the floor. We laid there snuggling and making out as the movie played on. One thing led to another and next thing I know Jason is dragging me to his bedroom going "SHHHHHHHHHHH". Teenage hormones ruled the next half an hour, and my virginity took a hike out the window. Afterwards I was in the kitchen finding something to drink, and Jason snuck in behind me. He grabbed me around the waist and whispered in my ear "THAT'S why I kept breaking up with you to go out with Tina. I think I might be falling for you. I couldn't cheat on you with her so I'd just break up with you rather than destroy your trust in me and hurt you worse by cheating." At first I was madder than hell at him for letting his libido rule but when I turned around to drag him into the garage to yell at him, I couldn't. The earnest look on his face led me to believe him wholeheartedly, there was no way I could be mad at him. So I led him down into the garage and into the laundry room to talk to him about it a little more without waking his family. We talked, he explained a little further, and after making amends and him vowing that he wouldn't do it again we *made up* by having much better sex.

That was the end of it, I was in love for the first time in my life.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Fluid check by a blonde

Poor Katie, she gets so much ribbing for my family's entertainment, but this is a classic example of why...

Katie's left turn signal bulb burnt out awhile back, and so when she went to use it, the light on the dash was going really fast. Since Daniel and I were gone she asked Gary about it (which was her 1st mistake), to which she got this answer...

"Well shit, I betcha your blinker fluid is low, and we're all out"

"Aw man, well today while I'm in town, I'll have K help me with it, he's got every known vehicle fluid there is"

"Ok well make sure you don't forget, k Katie"


7 hrs later, Katie comes in the door....


Daniel and I look at one another going "WTH? What's going on now?"

"I'm gonna strangle him, UGH!" and off goes the 16 yr old blonde cheerleader in search of her 28 yr old stepbrother.

Ty is laughing his ass off as he comes in the door....

"Katie's mad...."

"Ya we noticed, why this time?"

"Blinker fluid"

Daniel and I looked at each other and at the same time "WTH is blinker fluid"

Katie came stomping up the stairs "I HATE Gary right now"

Me "Katie...What's blinker fluid"

Katie "ARGH, well apparently it's something that's NOT under the hood of MY car"

Daniel, laughing his ass off and me and Ty following suit....

Katie "You all are mean, and mean people suck, you shouldn't make fun of me just cos I'm dumb you know"

Me "Katie, we're laughing WITH you, not at you and we're not making fun of you for being dumb"

Katie "Shaddup" and stomps to her room

Apparently what happened was Katie was trying to be all "damsel in distress, help me help me" with her boyfried at the time and asked him to check her blinker fluid while all the teenyboppers were hanging out at the park. Everyone else knew that there was no such thing as blinker fluid BUT Katie. So she's digging in the back of her boyfriends truck toolbox looking for blinker fluid while they are dying of laughter at her.

Poor kid...I almost feel bad for her....ALMOST

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Of MRSA and Men...and the rest of my "weekend"

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, ok thanks, had to get that outta my system. This has been the week of illness and pain around our lovely little farm. This is the part I HATE about the kids going back to school. They not only bring home homework, and the occasional progress report or cute project, but also every conceiveable known illness going around.

First of all, last week our oldest step child (long story, I'll explain later when I'm back to work and have a higher speed connection as well as more time K), got what appeared to be a nasty spider bite. Well the bite didn't look so bad, but it morphed into this HUGE pimple looking thing. I swear it was every bit of 2 inches in diameter, and all red and poofy. Well I've had spider bites do that and when I squished them, they popped like a zit, I slathered some Bactroban on them and covered with gauze and all was good. So I shared my "cure" with Gary, and he promptly did so...only to make it worse. By a week later on Monday, it was EWWWW. The good part was that the swelling and redness had gone down. The bad part is/was it had morphed into a 3 inch in diameter raw oozing sore. What's even worse? Gary is 28, and no health coverage and we are so broke that financially embarrassed doesn't even BEGIN to cover it. Well I called the health department and thank goodness I did. In Mtn View (the one in Missouri, not in Arkansas), on Monday nights from 7-9pm they have a FREE health clinic for the uninsured. WOOT I was estatic because I was fearful that Gary had staph infection in that wound. Long story short, he got home at 10:30 that night telling me, "They said it was something called Marsa, and to do blah blah blah blah, and gave me some kind of antibiotics or some shit.". "Uh Gary, do you mean MRSA?" "YEAH, THAT'S what they said. Guess you've heard of it huh?" "Um ya, now and I mean RIGHT NOW, go get all your laundry and put it in front of the washer...I mean EVERYTHING from socks to towels you've used in the last 10 days." "Oooook, why? Oh ya they said it was highly infectious." "Yeah, it is and if left unchecked I could have people with limbs falling off, clothes, in front of washer NOW!" "Right after I take my meds ok?" "Ya ok fine, I'll get the water going just dump the laundry in" So that's been a battle we've been fighting all week thus far. Good news is, Gary's leg is looking a whole lot better, though he's crabbing that he's tired all the time and since he's roofing this week, it's irratating. Oh well, better than having your leg fall off isn't it?

Tuesday, Destiny awoke me telling me her side and stomach hurt, and since it was 5:50am I told her to go back to bed. She stayed home from school, and by the next morning was none worse for wear. YAY

Wednesday, Daniel wakes me up at 6:30am telling me Katie's staying home, her stomach is bothering her. Grrrrr, I was SOOOO looking forward to having the house to myself for a couple of days while I was off. Then Destiny came in telling me Ty's stomach was acting up too. ARGH! Great, first MRSA, now the stomach great is this! Especially after my Dr put me on Verimyst (or however it's spelled) for my sinus/allergy issues and it is an immune system suppressant. The MRSA I could handle, a pair of gloves while handling the infected laundry, some bleach spray in the tub, and good handwashing, no problem. The stomach flu though, I can't hold my breath for hours on end (tried it once, I don't look good in those shades of red/blue/purple), so I've been trying to stay out of breathing distance of those with it, and trying to keep everyone else out of their immediate vicinity also. Especially Evie, she's been a mouthy lil hellion this week, last thing I need is her with a stomach ache/not able to keep anything down.

On an upside yesterday, I finally got my lilac bushes planted. I found some more grapes that we're going to have to put an arbor up for so I've decided to flank the arbor with lilacs on both sides. :D I hope it works out like I've planned, and the lilacs don't croak on me.

On a more depressing note, yesterday after Gary got home, he pulled the carpet in the girl's room and found, guess, I dare ya...Yup more *&@$! water damage. The entire east wall, the floor and floor joists (or whatever that is where the wall meets the wall is) rotted, BAD. Gary stuck his finger through the floor, not good. With the aid of the water hose, Daniel and he found the leak. The seam in the metal siding outside is all buggered up, so they are going to caulk it, then replace the floor and wall where it is water damaged/rotted. So looks like Friday at the earliest that will be done with those guys working all day.

On an upnote, I got my bathroom and closet all cleaned up, I just have to vacumn my bedroom carpet and I can say it's completely DONE. Oh wait, scratch that, I still have some paint removal on the trim. So after I get that done, it'll be DONE.

In fact that's where I'm heading off to now, as soon as I finish this entry. I'm also going to work on that disaster area that is my kitchen.

I hope all of you are having a wonderful week, and I'll catch up with ya in a couple of days as I go back to work tomorrow night.

ps. Ya know that day position I put in for? I got a letter yesterday saying that they've filled the position and good luck in my employment search. WTH? Is there something else they forgot to tell me in the letter?!?

Of MRSA and Men...and the rest of my "weekend"

Saturday, September 20, 2008

You can't give away my Weenie!

THAT got your attention now didn't it? LOL My son Ty keeps me in stitches without even thinking about doing it and this is just one example of it.

Awhile back when we were still renting in town, Daniel was getting all huffy about all of the dogs we had. He was pressing me and the kids to get rid of some of them, and we were having major decision making problems as to which ones. Well I agreed to get rid of Babydoll to my Dad since one of their lil housedogs had just passed away and they were looking for another one. Katie decided to get rid of her dog as well. We also had another dog that I reluctantly agreed needed another home.

Well after we moved out to our new farm, Katie got rid of her dog, and Evie's dog Buster disappeared. Dad doesn't want Babydoll until they get moved so we've still got her, one of her "sons" that looks like his basset hound daddy, Tangies two mutts (which I really can't stand and are a total PITA, but we've got them in a pen), two Great Prynese's, and a puppy that Katie got from her boyfriends grandparents. Daniel was pretty well satisfied on our dogs now, except for Babydoll and her boy like to get under our bedroom window at night and bark. I can sleep right through it, but Daniel wakes up everytime and half the time can't get back to sleep. Well for about 3 nights in a row, those dogs raised hell 3/4 of the night. Daniel was tired and that equates to one thing: CRANKY. The morning after the 3rd night, this is the converstation that ensued:

"We're gonna have to do something with those stupid damned mutts. They keep me up all night long and I'm ready to shoot them!"

"Ya I know, your tired and bitchy though, you don't have to shoot them. I'll start crating them at night and put them on the other side of the sheds."

"You'd better start doing something or else their gonna have to go elsewhere or get shot, I'm not particular right now"

At this point Ty wanders up and goes:

"Huh? Are we getting rid of the dogs?"

Me: "No"

Daniel: "Yes or I'm gonna shoot them"

Ty: "Which ones? Babydoll can be a pain in the ass."

Me: "We're NOT getting rid of any of them, I'll start crating Babydoll and Weenie"

Yes the basset hound looking dog's name is Weenie.

Daniel: "Those lil SOB's are going if they don't learn to shut the hell up at night"


Ty: "NOOOOOOOOOO you can't take away my Weenie!!!!!!!!!!" while kneeling down and fiercely grabbing Weenie and hugging him.

At that point it was all Daniel and I could do to keep from collapsing laughing while Ty asked us...

"What is so stinkin funny....You can't get rid of my Weenie!!!"

End of discussion, Ty gets to keep his Weenie.

Sugar in the pie please....

Ok awhile back I did one of those little "quiz" things that I borrowed from Fiesty's blog about how well we know our partner in crime aka Dh's. One of the questions was about what kind of cake I would make him for his birthday and I answered I wouldn't make a cake, I'd make him a blackberry cobbler or a pumpkin or apple pie with sugar in it. Yes, there IS a reason I put the reference to sugar in it, and that my readers is the story I'm going to post tonight.

Several years ago, I decided to take it upon myself to make Thanksgiving dinner for not only my family, but my Mom, brother, Mom's boyfriend, and a few friends. Of course, it had to be PERFECT, not because I'm compulsive or anything, but I knew I'd never hear the end of the snide albeight well meaning comments from my Mom (just her way of trying to help, and making me neurotic in the process). So the night before Thanksgiving after reading many web articles about what I could do ahead and what I couldn't, I decided at 1:30amish to make the pies. The way my family LOVES pumpkin pie, I knew just 2 wouldn't be enough so I decided upon making 4 of them. Another brilliant idea I had was in an effort to save time, just double the filling recipe. Worked great, I had some terrific looking pumpkin pies after they came out of the oven. I was elated to say the least.

Well the next afternoon and evening, I spent cooking and chopping, roasting and basting to my hearts content. After 15 lbs of potatoes later, a few pounds of cranberries being crushed, a fridge full of salads and appetizers I felt a deep satisfaction at what I had done. I was proud of my accomplishment and I double and triple checked everything to try to ensure that I was going to keep Mom's "helpful" comments at bay. The only concievable issue I found was I forgot to get the Cool-Whip out of the freezer, but it was 3 in the afternoon, it would be thawed by 8pm.

I sank into my bed, thanking God yet again for holding my hand again and patting myself on the back for a job well done, for a very well earned nap before everyone arrived.

At 6:30 everyone started arriving and we munched on appitizers and chit chatted and I oooooo'd and ahhhh'd over the goodies everyone brought over. My Mom seemed amazed that she couldn't find one lil thing to pick at me over. I smugly visited with our guests, and watched her try to nonchalantly inspect EVERYTHING.

We started eating at 7pm and my only worry was that the turkey would be dry, but nope, it was nice and juicy. We all had a wonderful meal and I finally heard it. Something that I had been working for my entire 25 years on this planet.

"Well I have to admit, you did it, you actually DID IT. I didn't think you had it in you with all of your tomboyness. You CAN cook, and do it very well. That was a WONDERFUL meal, and I'm not just saying that because I didn't have to help or cook it." Mom said, sincerely meaning it with more than a hint of astonishment in her voice.

"Thanks Mom, I appreciate that" I said beaming and everyone knew *something* had just happened they just didn't know what. Not that it mattered, I knew and that was all that was important.

The moment wouldn't last long...

A few minutes later as the after dinner coffee was poured and the last of the dishes piled in the sink awaiting the dishwasher to finish the first load, Daniel was dying for a piece of pumpkin pie. I had to threaten him with various things to keep him out of them all day long, so he had rightfully earned it. My Mom skillfully cut the first pie as I got the Cool-Whip out. Daniel stood off to Mom's right, fork poised to scoop out his two pieces of pie. As soon as Mom lifted the knife from the last cut, Daniel swooped in and got his pie and retired to the table to enjoy. I stood at the island talking to a couple of friends about recipes and I heard Mom ask Daniel "What's the matter?"

His blissful face had contorted into one that looked like they had just eaten a whole lime with salt. WTH? ran through my mind as my Mom repeated her question to Daniel while walking over to the pies with a fork in hand.

"Uhhhh I don't know what's wrong with this but SOMETHING really REALLY important seems to be missing."

My heart sank as I replayed the recipe over and over in my head wondering what I had done. For the life of me I couldn't think of one lil detail I had overlooked.

Mom answered that question for me with one word:

"Sugar, that's what's missing, Sugar." while trying to keep from laughing.

Daniel on the other hand, had no problem bursting my bubble (and ego), he busted up laughing while saying "How the hell did you manage to over look the sugar Sweetie?!?"
If looks could have killed, I'd been widowed that night.

After glaring at him while questioning myself as how I could have forgotten the sugar in the pumpkin pie it occured to me what might have happened. I walked over to my cabinents and opened up my baking cabinent and yup, suspision confirmed. I had almost forgotten to put the salt in the pie, so after I had measured the sugar I went to get out the salt. While doing so, I sat my measuring cup in the cabinent on the upper shelf because I needed to move a couple things to get the salt out. Then I shut the cabinents and didn't think twice about the measuring cup being on the top shelf as that's where it's home was. I'm sure the fact that it being 2am when I was mixing up the pie filling didn't have one thing to do with my CRS moment. I stared at the measured sugar IN the measuring cup as everyone was dying from laughter at Daniel's face. I just could not believe that I forgot such a crucial ingredient. As always rolling with the punches though, I told them next year I promised NOT to forget the sugar, but I might forget something else, like the pumpkin. We all got a good laugh out of that and got the ice cream out of the freezer. While it didn't quite lend enough sweetness to the pie, it was still pretty tasty and definately interesting LOL.

That's been 7 years ago as I mentioned and to this very day, every time I make a pumpkin pie (or 4) I hear the same thing:

"You didn't forget the sugar did you?"

*SIGH* Somethings you just can not EVER live down.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

New hope

Tonight after my last post, I don't know if a certain coworker of mine read it or what but he brought something to my attention that I had pushed to the back of my mind. In our personnel policy manual it states that promotion from within the city shall be granted within the persons already employed by the city. Maybe this is God's way of telling me not to loose hope, but in order for him to help me, I have to help myself.

It also states that the city may hire outside the city if there are no qualified applicants. Now some of the things that this day position requires is knowing 10 key (basically the numerical pad to the left or right of your computer keyboard), Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel and answering phones. The answering phones I'm in top shape on since that's one of my primary duties around here. The rest of it ummmm I'm a bit rusty on. I use Word occasionally off and on for personal letters, but it's been quite a while since I have used the more advanced features. Excel basically the same thing. I'm not really confident in my abilities at this very moment using them. On the other hand, I know once I started using it, I would return to my previous competency in them.

Another issue is that while I probably *should* get the job, if the other lady is more in practice or qualified I don't want to take it away from her either. Her husband works for the city as well and I guess I'm kind of afraid it could cause some hard feelings. Normally that's not something that I would worry about too awful much, but for some odd reason I am in this situation. I do believe that I'm going to go over to talk to the city administrator about this issue. If she IS more qualified for the position I will happily concede the position. If not though, well, they should go by their own guidelines and give it to me.

Another small issue I'm fighting within myself is the fact that this job is a 5 day a week with weekends off job. I REALLY like having 4 days off. It's kind of like a mini vacation between my workweeks. I'm also guaranteed overtime every other month, but I loose some of my paid time off at the same time because of that. SIGH, indecision, indecision. This whole mess could be averted if someone in my department would leave, but I don't forsee that happening either.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Somethings got to give before I do

I feel a storm brewing around my house and I'm stuck smack dab in the eye of it. *Sigh*

First of all, according to the rumors going around city hall they are going to hire someone else for the day position. I know the lady and I like her quite well. I think she'll do a fantastic job but dangnabbit. I'm kinda ticked off about it at the same time. I have worked this night shift, 12 hr shifts at that, for almost 6 years full time now. I have kids at home and more and more I see them wanting/needing me home at night. I want to be home at night at this point. Dammit I personally think I deserve to be home at night after doing this stupid shift for so long. UGH, I'm sorry I'm ranting but UGH UGH UGH. My only other option is to wait a couple more months and cross my fingers, hope, and pray that a day shift opens up around here. Well other than changing jobs but around here finding a job with paid days off, insurance and such is damn near impossible, and I can't afford to loose those things. I put this in God's hands, so I know there is a reason if I don't get this day position. Nonetheless, it's still kinda disappointing/irratating.

On an even more depressing note, Daniel has been in extreme pain at night which has been rendering him unable to sleep. That in turn means I can't sleep through the night due to him tossing, turning, twitching, getting up and down to yell at our numbskull dogs to quit barking right outside our bedroom window (I love um, but man those lil buggers can be stupid sometimes), and listening to him mumble about wanting to shoot the dumb dogs, wishing that disk would go ahead and blow, and whatever else. I know he's in terrible pain, and I know what it's like not being able to sleep so I just quietly bear along with it knowing that once I come back to work, I can sleep w/o his interruption. Of course with the sleeplessness there has been the inevitable grouchiness. I think (ok I know) that's the worst part. He's trying and trying hard not to be too grouchy (probably because I've been awful short tempered here of late but lack of sleep does that to me), but it's still sneaking in. To top all of that off, after his last Dr's appointment, the word surgery was finally brought up as the next step which he was fine with until they started talking about HOW they were going to do it. When the specialist told us he was going to go in through the front (ie Daniel's throat), Daniel visably was shaken. I can't say that I blame him with his limited knowledge of anatomy. He just envisioned a scalpel that close to his windpipe, and such and kinda freaked out. Once I got him home and showed him EXACTLY what there is in that general area they are going to be working in he calmed down some. It also made him feel better when he talked to our GP yesterday and Dr Mike said that this surgery is about the best route to take unless he wants to put up with nerve damage, atrophy of the muscles in his right arm and all the other things that's been going on. I dunno about Daniel but OH HELL NO. I for one don't think I can tolerate years of this. I've been doing rather well keeping all the hellion tendencies in check, this could totally shoot that to hell in a handbasket. I can only have sympathy for so long and then I turn into Helga the hardnosed hussy (ie take two tylenol or advil and shut up, suck it up and tough it out). I have no patience for those who are unwilling to take the chance to improve the quality of their lives and those around them (and yes, that includes my darling Dh, and yes he knows that, he's met Helga and he doesn't like her at all).

Now for the icing on all of that cake, my son is feeling picked on and wants to move back in with his sperm donor. UMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOO not happening so I'm sure he's at home sulking about that as well as the myriad of other things he's texted me tonight. Some of them I can probably do something about, other's not so much. He's upset that Daniel hands Katie money hand over fist (and yes I agree, that is way WAY outta hand), and she does little of nothing to earn it. Oh she occasionally folds a few loads of laundry, runs the occasional errand or loads the dishwasher but I'm hard pressed to think of anything else off the top of my head. Destiny is about in the same category except for the fact that while we've been busy moving she has been helping by keeping Evie amused and keeping an eye on her for us which has been extremely helpful. With Destiny I take full responsibility since I'm her Mom and Daniel tends to think that the girls are exempt from physical labor for various reasons (they aren't as strong as the boys, they don't want to be tomboys, they aren't interested in getting dirty, they whatever whatever whatever). On the other hand, Ty and Gary have been getting the hell worked outta them. Not that I'm complaining, it's good for them and keeps them outta trouble but geez petey. Those guys have busted butt to move stuff from one farm to the other. Every weekend Ty is home (ie not at his Dad's for visitation), he's been working. Fair no, good for him, yes to an extent, but makes for one cranky teenager. In short, he's feeling like he's getting the short end of the stick. I totally understand why because at his age I was in the same boat. I'm just at a loss for a solution right now. I'm back to work for my 4 night stretch so if I go home raising hell about it, it's gonna get taken out on him till he goes to his Dad's Friday night. That solves nothing, it just makes it worse. Oh well, I guess I'll figure out something in the next night or two....hopefully anyways.

This is just an example of why I want a day shift. I know I can't solve it all by working days, but it sure would be helpful to see what's going on and it would help with some of these things. I just have to keep reminding myself that God, in all of his wisdom, has his reasons for all of this. If for no other reason, to make sure I stay in line with my Bible reading and praying to him umpteen times a day. I'd think I'd be making his ears bleed by now, but apparently He likes hearing from me. Now that's a good warm fuzzy feeling. :)


You Are 100% Boyish and 0% Girlish

You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it.

You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive.

Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself.

You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.

What kind of coffee am I?

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated

You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys

Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites.

And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

Friday, September 5, 2008

How well do you know your other half?

HAHAHAHAHA I know him pretty darn well. My buddy Fiesty took this gem, so I had to copy it and do it also. After I answered all the questions, I asked him each question to compare my answers to his. WOOT I answered every one of the questions correctly. BWHAHAHAHA scared the begeebers outta him.

1. Sitting in front of the TV, what's on the screen?

A western, cartoons, animal shows ,or some kind of action movie.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?

3. What's one food he doesn't like?

Chicken without a doubt

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order?

Bud Light, Michelob, or Bud all draft and by the pitcher LOL

5. Where did he go to high school?

Cabool High School

6. What size shoe does he wear?

9.5 wide preferably

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

Guns, tools, ammunition, more guns, and more tools

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?

Cheeseburger, just barely done, with mayo and tomatoes

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?

Cheeseburger as mentioned above with french fries, or chicken livers

10. What is his favorite cereal?

Honey Grahams

11. What would he never wear?

a speedo or a skirt or anything overly colorful

12. What is his favorite sports team?

You have to be kidding....the man could careless if sports existed

13. Who will he vote for?

McCain/Palin, just because Obama has a terrible gun rights voting record

14. Who is his best friend?

Me, J.S., E.H

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?

whine, repeat my point in a conversation 15 times, sit in front of the computer so much,
get bitchy when I need some space from him and everyone else

16. How many states has he lived in?

One, he was born in it

17. What is his heritage?


18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?

I'm smarter than baking him a cake for his birthday. He prefers blackberry cobbler or apple
or pumpkin pie (with the sugar in it)

19. Did he play sports in high school?


20. What could he spend hours doing?

Bugging me, um er spending time with me, or being outside doing anything or nothing, he's
not fussy

21. Does he belong to any men's organizations?

No but I wish he did LOL (see question #20)

I love the man, but there is a lot I don't know about him even after 10 years still. My major pet peeve about him is that he usually is following me around so closely that if I stop short, his size 9.5 wides are gonna be sticking out my arse (Evie our 5 yr old has inherited that trait from him :-\), and that he his temperament is one that you never know WHAT mood he'll be in 15 minutes from now. Oh well, I guess it keeps it interesting :)

Parental pressure

Today my monster's ALL surprised me, even the teenagers. The city that I work for is looking for a new desk girl over at city hall since the other one took the city clerk position. While I really like my job here at the PD, I'm UBER sick of working 6pm to 6am. So I took the leap and went over and applied for the 8am to 5pm position. I have no clue if I'll get it, but I can hope. So I got up a bit early today and told the kids I was gonna go to town and grabbed my finished application. Ty asked me what I was going for THIS time and I told him "Heh, your gonna love 8am to 5pm job so I'm home in the evenings to aggravate you guys. Front desk girl over at City Hall basically." Evie wasn't home, but the response I got out of Ty and Des floored me. I was expecting a "Oh wow, ok" kinda thing but instead I got a pulled down fist from Ty going "Wooo Hoooo" and Des going "Kewllllllllnesssss, so you'll be home EVERY night?" I was like "Ya that's the point of changing my postion at work." At that point they started kinda jumping around and Wooo Hoooing. Now displays of enthusiasm is normal for my children but not over these kinds of things. So about half an hour later, Des and I were picking up Evie from daycare and Des told Evie all about it. Here lil blue eyes opened wide and she looked at me going "Momma, your gonna be home EVERY night?!?" I told her that I hoped so, but didn't know, I had to see if I got that position first. She sat next to me in the truck absorbing that, then looked up at me "Momma, you've got blond hair like me and blue eyes" "Yes baby, I do" "Mom....I want to be just like you when I grow up" with a huge grin on her face. "Oh you do eh? Thank you that's a wonderful complement but do me one favor would you? Tell your Daddy that k?" "Ok I will, he loves you so he'll be glad to hear it Mommy" At that point Des was giggling hysterically and Evie reached over and whapped her one and told her to shuddup. Then Evie turned to me and went "Momma isn't that what you woulda done?". *Sigh* I didn't answer but in my mind I answered her "Ya but I would have smacked her harder.". Man oh man, now if that doesn't put some pressure on me, nothing will. Here I have my 5 yr old daughter wanting to be just like me. I'd like to think she means just the good parts, and I'm sure she will get those, but sure enough, she'll pick up some of the bad too. She already has in all honesty. Her temper, her stubbornness, her boldness....all from me much to the bane of her siblings and Dad. Oooooo ya, I'm gonna get paid back in spades for every bit of what I put my parents through.