Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Somethings got to give before I do

I feel a storm brewing around my house and I'm stuck smack dab in the eye of it. *Sigh*

First of all, according to the rumors going around city hall they are going to hire someone else for the day position. I know the lady and I like her quite well. I think she'll do a fantastic job but dangnabbit. I'm kinda ticked off about it at the same time. I have worked this night shift, 12 hr shifts at that, for almost 6 years full time now. I have kids at home and more and more I see them wanting/needing me home at night. I want to be home at night at this point. Dammit I personally think I deserve to be home at night after doing this stupid shift for so long. UGH, I'm sorry I'm ranting but UGH UGH UGH. My only other option is to wait a couple more months and cross my fingers, hope, and pray that a day shift opens up around here. Well other than changing jobs but around here finding a job with paid days off, insurance and such is damn near impossible, and I can't afford to loose those things. I put this in God's hands, so I know there is a reason if I don't get this day position. Nonetheless, it's still kinda disappointing/irratating.

On an even more depressing note, Daniel has been in extreme pain at night which has been rendering him unable to sleep. That in turn means I can't sleep through the night due to him tossing, turning, twitching, getting up and down to yell at our numbskull dogs to quit barking right outside our bedroom window (I love um, but man those lil buggers can be stupid sometimes), and listening to him mumble about wanting to shoot the dumb dogs, wishing that disk would go ahead and blow, and whatever else. I know he's in terrible pain, and I know what it's like not being able to sleep so I just quietly bear along with it knowing that once I come back to work, I can sleep w/o his interruption. Of course with the sleeplessness there has been the inevitable grouchiness. I think (ok I know) that's the worst part. He's trying and trying hard not to be too grouchy (probably because I've been awful short tempered here of late but lack of sleep does that to me), but it's still sneaking in. To top all of that off, after his last Dr's appointment, the word surgery was finally brought up as the next step which he was fine with until they started talking about HOW they were going to do it. When the specialist told us he was going to go in through the front (ie Daniel's throat), Daniel visably was shaken. I can't say that I blame him with his limited knowledge of anatomy. He just envisioned a scalpel that close to his windpipe, and such and kinda freaked out. Once I got him home and showed him EXACTLY what there is in that general area they are going to be working in he calmed down some. It also made him feel better when he talked to our GP yesterday and Dr Mike said that this surgery is about the best route to take unless he wants to put up with nerve damage, atrophy of the muscles in his right arm and all the other things that's been going on. I dunno about Daniel but OH HELL NO. I for one don't think I can tolerate years of this. I've been doing rather well keeping all the hellion tendencies in check, this could totally shoot that to hell in a handbasket. I can only have sympathy for so long and then I turn into Helga the hardnosed hussy (ie take two tylenol or advil and shut up, suck it up and tough it out). I have no patience for those who are unwilling to take the chance to improve the quality of their lives and those around them (and yes, that includes my darling Dh, and yes he knows that, he's met Helga and he doesn't like her at all).

Now for the icing on all of that cake, my son is feeling picked on and wants to move back in with his sperm donor. UMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOO not happening so I'm sure he's at home sulking about that as well as the myriad of other things he's texted me tonight. Some of them I can probably do something about, other's not so much. He's upset that Daniel hands Katie money hand over fist (and yes I agree, that is way WAY outta hand), and she does little of nothing to earn it. Oh she occasionally folds a few loads of laundry, runs the occasional errand or loads the dishwasher but I'm hard pressed to think of anything else off the top of my head. Destiny is about in the same category except for the fact that while we've been busy moving she has been helping by keeping Evie amused and keeping an eye on her for us which has been extremely helpful. With Destiny I take full responsibility since I'm her Mom and Daniel tends to think that the girls are exempt from physical labor for various reasons (they aren't as strong as the boys, they don't want to be tomboys, they aren't interested in getting dirty, they whatever whatever whatever). On the other hand, Ty and Gary have been getting the hell worked outta them. Not that I'm complaining, it's good for them and keeps them outta trouble but geez petey. Those guys have busted butt to move stuff from one farm to the other. Every weekend Ty is home (ie not at his Dad's for visitation), he's been working. Fair no, good for him, yes to an extent, but makes for one cranky teenager. In short, he's feeling like he's getting the short end of the stick. I totally understand why because at his age I was in the same boat. I'm just at a loss for a solution right now. I'm back to work for my 4 night stretch so if I go home raising hell about it, it's gonna get taken out on him till he goes to his Dad's Friday night. That solves nothing, it just makes it worse. Oh well, I guess I'll figure out something in the next night or two....hopefully anyways.

This is just an example of why I want a day shift. I know I can't solve it all by working days, but it sure would be helpful to see what's going on and it would help with some of these things. I just have to keep reminding myself that God, in all of his wisdom, has his reasons for all of this. If for no other reason, to make sure I stay in line with my Bible reading and praying to him umpteen times a day. I'd think I'd be making his ears bleed by now, but apparently He likes hearing from me. Now that's a good warm fuzzy feeling. :)

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