Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ghosts part III

I never expected my unexpected outburst in the car that afternoon to lead to a domino like chain of events in my relationship with my Mom. While normally cool towards me, my Mom's attitude towards me slowly over time got worse. I was expected to be home when she wanted or needed me there, which was namely when she worked, then vanish when I was inconvenient to her. As a 12 yr old, that was fine with me, I preferred to be with my friends or at work anyways. A long time friend of my parents needed someone to clean his house and help around the ranch a few hours a week. Luckily he had came over for dinner and I overheard their conversation as I came in from working outside. We talked a bit, and I had a job.

Now when Dad came in off the truck and was home for a few days, things were completely different then when he was gone. I was either at work, school or with Dad. That's just the way it was and I was so happy during those times. Didn't matter that I was working my hind end off when I was with my Dad around the trailer court him and Mom owned, all that mattered was I was with my Dad. Mom showed some interest in me too when he was home, but Dad after a few months felt the change between the two of us. He asked me a few times what was going on and I flat told him I was tired of Mom coddling my little brother. Dad understood totally and it was left at that.

When Dad wasn't home, I feel into an uneasy routine. On the days my Mom worked, I went to school, came home, watched my brother, if I had to work out at the ranch my boss would come and get both me and my brother and I'd go to work. On the days Mom didn't work, I'd come home, dump my school stuff, and head to my best friend Toni's house. On weekends, I'd clean house all morning while I was watching my brother, then when Mom got home or I finished cleaning, I'd head out to Toni's house.

When I wasn't at school, home, or work, I was hanging out with my best friend Toni at her house. We basically did 12 yr old kid stuff like playing video games, talking about anything and everything, going to the pool, hanging out and playing with the other neighborhood kids, walking around town exploring, listening to music, watching movies, and bugging her older brother Jason. For Toni it was just the sisterly thing to do bugging him, for me, he was HOT and I really liked him ALOT. He was two years our senior and a football player...oh goodness, me oh my. I guess he liked me too because we started "going out" that spring. Well off and on we did...there was another neighborhood girl me and Toni's age that he kept breaking up with me to "go out" with. She was a poor girl as her Mom was disabled and Jason kept telling me it was because he felt sorry for her. Being naive, I totally believed him, and would go back out with him.

This went on all school year long and at the end of Christmas break I FINALLY figured out what was going on. I had spent the night at Toni's and us girls slept in the living room as Toni's room was REALLY small. Jason, Toni, and I had stayed up late watching movies and Toni fell asleep sometime during "Top Gun". After she fell asleep, Jason crawled off the couch and into my sleeping bag on the floor. We laid there snuggling and making out as the movie played on. One thing led to another and next thing I know Jason is dragging me to his bedroom going "SHHHHHHHHHHH". Teenage hormones ruled the next half an hour, and my virginity took a hike out the window. Afterwards I was in the kitchen finding something to drink, and Jason snuck in behind me. He grabbed me around the waist and whispered in my ear "THAT'S why I kept breaking up with you to go out with Tina. I think I might be falling for you. I couldn't cheat on you with her so I'd just break up with you rather than destroy your trust in me and hurt you worse by cheating." At first I was madder than hell at him for letting his libido rule but when I turned around to drag him into the garage to yell at him, I couldn't. The earnest look on his face led me to believe him wholeheartedly, there was no way I could be mad at him. So I led him down into the garage and into the laundry room to talk to him about it a little more without waking his family. We talked, he explained a little further, and after making amends and him vowing that he wouldn't do it again we *made up* by having much better sex.

That was the end of it, I was in love for the first time in my life.

No comments: