First I want to apologize to everyone that I've already told these stories too for making you sit through them yet AGAIN. I just think it's too damn funny to pass up for blog material though. Look at the bright side, whatever your shortcomings as a parent, this is bound to make you feel a tad better about your up bringing of your child(ren).
A few weeks ago our town had it's annual rodeo. Now every year they have a Lil Miss Rodeo and a Lil Mr Rodeo contest for the 0-5 yr age range. Being the scatterbrain, over scheduled Mom that I am, I had missed signing up my 5 yr old daughter the previous 4 yrs. This year though, I actually read about it and promptly signed my 5 yr daughter up. Woooo Hooo score one for me, but I was soon to be trumped by the 5 yr old. This is the actual conversation that transpired between me and her when I told her the news:
Me: "Hey E, I signed you up for Lil Miss Rodeo contest today"
E: "You did?!? COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL
Me: "Yep sure did"
E: "Do I get to ride my horse?"
Me: "No sweetie, you don't. That's next year's competition. You do get to ride in the back of a sweet Kabota around the rodeo arena though."
E: "How the hell am I supposed to be Lil Miss Rodeo if I can't ride my horse? *HUFF*
Ok I did scold her over her choice of language (between having to turn around a giggle silently), but how can a Mom argue with that question?
Flash forward a week or so later.....
I had found a sweet pair of pink & brown Justin cowgirl boots for E on ebay. She had been pestering me for a year or better to get her some boots, but I had serious issues parting with $75 for boots she will outgrow in the matter of a few months. I didn't tell her I ordered them but when they came in I had to give them to her. She was ecstatic. She tried them on and the squeals and ooohhhh and ahhhh's ensued. After about an hour she decided to take them off and put them back in the box. She carried the box to her closet and put them in the corner for "safekeeping". Me and her father were fixing to go out to the farm and I asked her why she wasn't wearing them. I got informed that she didn't want to mess them up. She had a point but I wanted to see how they worked out for her so I told her they weren't real cowgirl boots until she wore them and broke them in. She saw the logic in that and promptly ran to her room and put them back on.
Well we get out to the farm and me and E went about doing chores. While in the horse corral to feed E was very careful not to step in the area of anything that looked remotely gooey. After all the chores were done, E wanted to go down to the pond so I took her down there. Our pond is in a pasture that has some of our goats and their guard mule, Joey, in there. E promptly went to the pond to throw handfuls of grain out for the ducks and throw rocks in the pond. I fed the goats and Joey and checked on the walnut trees that are scattered throughout the pasture. A bit later I heard hollering, so I told E I was going up to see what Dad and the boys were doing. After I figured out they were being boneheads, I grabbed my curry comb to comb Joey since he still has much of his winter coat on and it's getting way to hot for that. When I got up to the gate, E was in the middle of the area that Joey uses for his "toilet" just stomping to beat the band. "E WHAT are you doing?!? Get out of there!"
E: "Mom, they aren't REAL cowgirl boots till they have horseshit on them"
I about collapsed from lack of oxygen because I was trying to keep from breaking out in hysterical laughter while I was scolding her yet again. As I was scolding her, she was heading towards the pond with me and Joey right behind her. Then she walks in the pond till she has about 4 inches of pond water over the top of her boots....
Me: "NOW what are you doing? Get outta there E!"
E: "I'm washing off my boots. I can't track this into the pickup, it'll stink. Besides you wash your boots off with the garden hose Mom."
How can I argue with that kind of logic? I swear this child will be the end of me and what the other kids left of my sanity.